Is there anyone who ^would^ be ok with this?

[ByAnotherNameToday]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and its exclusive, he asked me to be his girlfriend all that. Not that it's relevant but just wanted to give some context. He's been very nice to me so far. Made a few porn related references/requests but has been respectful and not mentioned again when I've said no.

Yesterday, I spent the day alone - it was my choice. He had invited me over. Anyway, I anticipated a day of self indulgence but ended up just feeling melancholy and sad.

To 'cheer me up' he sent me a short video of something completely innocuous but at the end it transitioned to a brief 'porn' clip of a woman getting slapped in the face by an enormous erect cock. I'm aware it was probably set up but she appeared to be shocked by it and, tbh, it looked painful.

I saw it but didn't reply because I was feeling a bit crap and just couldn't be bothered dealing with it.

That was about 7pm and 40 mins later he sent a follow up message saying he had thought it was funny anyway.

I didn't respond to that either and heard nothing else.

I want to respond today saying something like, "Tbh, I'm never going to find sexual violence amusing. I think that's just exposed an incompatibility that means this isn't going to work for me. Thanks for a lovely couple of months but I'm going to leave it here."

I can anticipate his reaction that I'm over reacting and it's just a joke but I've been sexually assaulted in the past and raped and i just don't find it funny. I think its probably the sort of thing he and his mates send to each other and so won't see the problem with it.

It just put me right off.

But i am curious as to whether anyone would actually be ok with it?

Awaiting the response.
Hope it’s not along the feeble ‘it was joke’ lines .....

‘Convince yourself the woman in the porn clip is being an actress,and putting on a performance of mock horror’

There, fixed that for you, weirdo. How the hell would we know she was putting on a performance? Just as likely she wasn’t, and it was unexpected abuse. And even if it was, likely it wasn’t a pleasant experience for the paid model. Just nasty to choose to share that visual, whatever the circs.

50 !!!! old enough to know better , i am not a prude , but would not be very impressed by his attempt to woo me with something so distasteful.
Porn related requests ? i don't think he sounds like much of a catch .

When I met dh he asked for a pic when I was in the bath.. Sent one of the taps..
He never asked again!!
*he was 31!!
Glad you have Ltb op.

It's childish behaviour and not what I'd want from a man. He sounds like he's just hit puberty.

Op you are well rid.

No past here of being assaulted and I would find a clip like that deeply offensive.

I think you have taken the correct action.

He sounds juvenile and grim.

You have done the right thing. I personally wouldn't have bothered with the (very reasonable and correct) detailed reply/explanation that you sent. I would have just said that I had decided to end the relationship, and then blocked. At his age he can figure it out himself...or not. I would not want a reply.

@Shelby2010

If he does contact you, might be worth saying your phone had automatically downloaded his gift wrapped dick pic before he deleted it. Tell him the younger women in your office run a competition about the funniest crap they get sent & you’re considering entering it.

Er.... isn't the whole point that she DOESN'T find it funny?

Yeah na would not be okay with this. Also concerning he has asked for “porn related” requests from you. Even if they were dropped, it seems like he has issues separating pornography with a real, healthy sex life.

Oh, just realised you meant the picture of his own dick!

Can I add OP, that I admire you for standing up to this shit from a man. Too many women don't. They just think they have to laugh along with it and be cool with it to keep the dickhead of a man. I've known of too many friends who have accepted this childish behaviour as 'oh, it's just the way he is'.

Tell him it's only a joke if it's funny and the woman was laughing , she wasn't and you're not. How childish.
You read on here about men being horrible to women then saying 'I was only joking'

@thosetalesofunexpected

Hi Op I have a different take(alternative viewpoint on your Post.

(Op I think unitenically, you have Confused somewhat,your boyfriend by being Ok earlier on about Jokey image of a gift wrapped penis.

Also I think that your horrific experience of being sexually assaulted/raped in the past.

Has coloured/Clouded your perspective of his video message of a short scene of eronmous cock being slapped in woman's face.

(That kind of porno clip,really is made in like a spoof comedy sketch,(thinkof for e.g of Porkies sex comedy film of 1980s( Kim Catrell from sex an city fame.
I agree its in very poor taste obviously to appeal to men.

Its really good you have good robust boundaries.

(I think be beneficial for you to explore different kinds of therapies/theories to help you to heal from the sexual assault/rape in your past.

Also look into more sensual perspectives/aspects of female sexuality such Tantric/karma sutra sex guide books, and also, the recently updated version of classic sexual guide book The Joy of sex by Author,Susan I can't rember her surname sorry,(it is a classic updated version of 1970s still popular book of its genre.

It been recently updated to reflect modern Contempary sexual attitudes,mores etc,whilst still keeping faithful/authentically to the orginal book contents of what made this sex guide book so popular back then 1970s and its still popular 40 + yrs later now.

Rember the woman in the porn clip is being an actress,and putting on a performance of mock horror,
Like in a mainstream movie in which sometimes their is a scene of an actress presenting to be upset about something..

I dont like the idea behind the mock horror comedy sketch either..

Wow. Just wow.

@ByAnotherNameToday

No, that is vile and disrespectful.

Not funny, and that would be it for me.

MrsJBaptiste
Oh, I didn't realise YOU would find that phase annoying

Oh NO!

If it had been a slap with a hand would you still be OK with it?

My first thoughts. Odd how he'd likely be horrified with a film of a woman being smacked, punched, or kicked, but when the weapon is a cock rather than a hand or foot it's suddenly funny

We no. I wouldn’t be happy with that

Why don’t you send him a message back with a video of a guy licking the floor clean and say

Now this is more like it!

(Joke by the way)

@thosetalesofunexpected

Hi Op I have a different take(alternative viewpoint on your Post.

(Op I think unitenically, you have Confused somewhat,your boyfriend by being Ok earlier on about Jokey image of a gift wrapped penis.

Also I think that your horrific experience of being sexually assaulted/raped in the past.

Has coloured/Clouded your perspective of his video message of a short scene of eronmous cock being slapped in woman's face.

(That kind of porno clip,really is made in like a spoof comedy sketch,(thinkof for e.g of Porkies sex comedy film of 1980s( Kim Catrell from sex an city fame.
I agree its in very poor taste obviously to appeal to men.

Its really good you have good robust boundaries.

(I think be beneficial for you to explore different kinds of therapies/theories to help you to heal from the sexual assault/rape in your past.

Also look into more sensual perspectives/aspects of female sexuality such Tantric/karma sutra sex guide books, and also, the recently updated version of classic sexual guide book The Joy of sex by Author,Susan I can't rember her surname sorry,(it is a classic updated version of 1970s still popular book of its genre.

It been recently updated to reflect modern Contempary sexual attitudes,mores etc,whilst still keeping faithful/authentically to the orginal book contents of what made this sex guide book so popular back then 1970s and its still popular 40 + yrs later now.

Rember the woman in the porn clip is being an actress,and putting on a performance of mock horror,
Like in a mainstream movie in which sometimes their is a scene of an actress presenting to be upset about something..

I dont like the idea behind the mock horror comedy sketch either..

I've occassionally encountered older men/women who think men should be sort of hero worshipped for just being men. Are you one of those? (one memorable encounter was when I was "set up" to get a lift back from a running event by an older woman with her male friend. I ended up in a car with this man who was 18 years older than me who referred to women as "tits on sticks" and casually talked about blow jobs, although I barely knew him. He tried to get me to go for a meal with him. The female friend then messaged me a few times trying to get me to date him when I patently wasn't interested. A similar thing also happened with a friend who had been an internet bride from a third world country, who obviously thought the only thing women look for in men is some form of income. Neither are friends now.

Yet you would have me paying my money for therapy to erode my boundaries to date these loser men? How would that benefit me? As opposed to using my time to do things I actually enjoy that are fun.

There are plenty of men who aren't disgusting and who don't need violent porn to turn them on. I have a really good job and probably earn more than most of these men, why would I risk my reputation by getting involved with such a liability? Aside from the fact that no one really likes or fancies these men anyway when they get to know them, it's just trying to convince people to settle for third rate options, which never really works with people with options.

As for the weird references to outdated sex manuals, given the time frame puts you in your sixties or seventies at least, I think you need to do a bit of work on yourself so you realise that life doesn't revolve around what fairly mediocre men's fantasies are.

thosetalesofunexpected

Don't worry, my ability to particupate in, and enjoy sex, is not in question

I just have a very low tolerance for disrespectful men.

Sorry for what you've been through in the past. No one is allowed to minimise that except you if you decide to. Meanwhile your proposed message is very well put. He's lucky you're being so polite and yeah, I'd send that if I was in your shoes. Sexual violence just isn't funny.

No. I wouldn't. Anything sexual (anything actually!) needs to be consensual

Tell him you don't have the time to wait for him to grow up! FFS

A million times No!! 50, and behaving like this. As someone said, he is testing the waters. He’s a weirdo - get rid!

I could see a 20 year old sending this to his mate. I wouldn't have dated that person let alone a fifty year old who thinks it's appropriate to send it to his girl friend. He obviously has zero understanding of women which probably explains why he was single in the first place.