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Original poster

Ex- Wife won't leave us alone

129 replies

Weteam2013 · 22/12/2020 21:59

My partner of 3 years ex wife (divorced 6 months) will not leave us be.
They have two children together, so of course they need to be in regular contact.
However if she hears from the children that we have plans, she will do anything in her power to stop us from enjoying ourselves.
Any advice welcome. Perhaps an insight, from an ex wife?

OP posts:
feathermucker · 22/12/2020 22:00

What are examples of her behaviour?

pinkdragons · 22/12/2020 22:01

Really? In what way does she try and interrupt your plans?

Cherryberrypies · 22/12/2020 22:03

Can you tell the children plans but say they are for different days. Then you still get to share but slight mistruths?

TragedyHands · 22/12/2020 22:03

Don't tell the kids your plans.

PinkPurpleFlowers · 22/12/2020 22:04

Find a new partner. You will never be rid of her.
Why do people get divorced, only to plague the other person forever?

CB1320 · 22/12/2020 22:04

Preventing the kids from coming along (12 and 9) on day trips, always something else "planned'. Speaking ill of myself and OH. Repeated text messages, over trivial (not related to the kids or divorce).

Burnthurst187 · 22/12/2020 22:05

Don't tell the children

Redflaggs · 22/12/2020 22:07

@CB1320 are you the op?...

Wolfiefan · 22/12/2020 22:08

Name change OP?
Partner of 3 years who divorced 6 months ago. Wonder why she’s pissed! Hmm

CB1320 · 22/12/2020 22:08

It's exhausting and frustrating. Telling the children untruths and blaming me for the demise of the marriage. Although, that is not the case.

CB1320 · 22/12/2020 22:09

They had a legal separation in place, 2 months after the separation. Divorce only finalised 6 months ago. They have been living apart 5 years.

CB1320 · 22/12/2020 22:10

I am

CB1320 · 22/12/2020 22:12

When they ring their mother (which I would never prevent), it becomes a huge ordeal. Kids made feel they have done something wrong. Confused

TheSilentStars · 22/12/2020 22:13

So the children tell you that she badmouths you?
What does he do about all of this?

CB1320 · 22/12/2020 22:16

They normally tell him, what she has said. About both of us. Or they will overhear her telling family/ friends, I guess. He has asked her to stop, on many occasions. I'm far from perfect, but I don't discuss their mother with them and always encourage them to be respectful.

CB1320 · 22/12/2020 22:19

I sometimes think she feels a sense of ownership over him, being the mother of his kids

AIMD · 22/12/2020 22:23

For the sake of the kids I’d take the high road as much as possible and try to not rise to it.

As others have suggested I’d keep your plans quiet so she doesn’t find out about them. In what ways is she ruining the plans you have?

Is there a formal agreement about contact!

CB1320 · 22/12/2020 22:31

She keeps in very regular contact with the children, when they are with him (us). I am 100% okay with that. If they tell her we have been to the cinema/ beach or wherever, she will make a ridiculous issue out of it. "Put your father on the phone..."
He has his children 3 nights one week and 2 the next. She will ask to change nights last minute, towards the end of the week. I think this is an effort to a) limit his time with them and b) upset our solo plans.
When the kids are with her, she will text non stop about clothes, homework etc. They are well taken care of, in his (our) care and the messaging is honestly unwelcome and unnecessary

BlueThistles · 23/12/2020 00:26

Your DP needs to sort this out... and if he doesn't then you know it's not just the ex with the problem... it's a 'THEM' problem... 🌺

jessstan1 · 23/12/2020 00:36

@Wolfiefan

Name change OP? Partner of 3 years who divorced 6 months ago. Wonder why she’s pissed! Hmm
That.

Don't get involved with men who have kids, there are plenty who have none. In your 'partner's' ex wife's case, their break up is still very recent to her.

Justajot · 23/12/2020 00:41

So it's reasonable for an Ex to continue to damage a new relationship that started 2 years after the original split? Are XH never allowed to move on?

PolkadotGiraffe · 23/12/2020 01:08

He's been divorced only 6 months but you've been together for 3 years? HmmConfused

Aquamarine1029 · 23/12/2020 01:14

Are you the OW? That would explain a lot.

PolkadotGiraffe · 23/12/2020 01:15

@CB1320

They had a legal separation in place, 2 months after the separation. Divorce only finalised 6 months ago. They have been living apart 5 years.
That sounds incredibly unlikely, with children involved. Drawing up a legal separation takes time, negotiation, especially with children involved. It is in effect setting the terms of the divorce out in a contract even though it is not being finalised now. I have never heard of this being done within two months of a couple breaking up.

And, once a legal separation is done, the divorce process would usually be very simple and a paperwork exercise, based on that separation agreement which both parties have already agreed and signed: so it wouldn't take 5 years.

Why be with this man at all when he was still married? If he had the separation agreement he could have finalised the divorce easily soon afterwards, if he wanted to. Why did you not make sure he was no longer married before getting involved?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/12/2020 01:19

Is all this drama and bullshit really something you want to put up with for years to come? Not even remotely worth it imo.

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