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Original poster

No breakfast after DTD

252 replies

Notanotherfreak · 20/12/2020 22:19

So I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, and need advice! Been dating a guy ..we’ve had 6 dates & had dinner at his last night (we’ve both had Covid before I’m flamed!). Was discussed beforehand that I’d stay. So he cooks me a lovely dinner, I stay, we DTD. All good. DTD again in the morning then get he gets up. I have a cup of tea then he says he has to walk the dog & then going for a run... it’s obvious then he’s not going to make me a coffee (I asked) or make me breakfast before I go. So I leave but tbh feel pretty pee’d off as it was all a bit efficient and kind of thought it would be nice to offer me breakfast before I go! Am I being precious? It’s not a work day but a Sunday! Am thinking maybe he got what he wanted and just wanted me gone? Not sure if this is a red flag or he’s just been a batchelor for so long he’s just is entrenched in his routine...what would you think?

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 21/12/2020 12:54

I think intelligence is lacking all round with regard to the danger of covid in this scenario tbh

hadesinahalfahell · 21/12/2020 18:17

Isn't it interesting how different we all are. I would hate to have breakfast or go for a dog walk in the morning in this situation on a sixth date whether it happened at my house or at their house. I think it's the idea of showering and getting ready in someone else's house or vice versa which seems over familiar to me at this stage in dating (yes, I know, sex. But over familiar in a different sense). Also I would probably panic about making breakfast as I don't eat it. I would behave in the same way as the man in this situation even if I really, really liked the person I was dating. I have been criticised by a man I dated for shooting off early in the morning to go for a swim and genuinely hadn't considered that I was doing anything rude until he pointed this out (and still don't really understand why it is rude).

cordelia16 · 21/12/2020 18:23

@Notanotherfreak

First time I’ve stayed over yes. He did cook me an amazing dinner. Just can’t seem to shake off how brusque it was once we got up.
He cooked you an amazing dinner because he still hadn't gotten what he wanted / needed to do what it would take to get you to think he's a great guy so you'd sleep with him. Once he got what he wanted (twice), he had no need to be romantic anymore.
BlueThistles · 21/12/2020 18:40

onwards and upwards OP... you decide what's best for you Xmas Smile

Lex345 · 21/12/2020 18:42

Other than the early exit and lack of breakfast, is everything else pretty decent? That will tell you which way this is. If its just the early exit and breakfast I wouldnt throw in the towel just yet. Slightly inconsiderate? Maybe. Red flag? Nope. Its just toast. Especially when he is initiating contact afterwards.

Alys20 · 21/12/2020 18:53

Seems like he couldn't wait to get rid = rude, loser, you deserve way better, block and move on.

tartantroosers · 21/12/2020 18:56

Trust your gut.

HoboSexualOnslow · 21/12/2020 19:49

Hmm I've had better treatment from ONS when we didn't even know each others names. The main question is, was the sex any good? Is it worth pursuing? If he can't find your clit then forget him

aeiouaeiouaeiou · 21/12/2020 19:57

Have you heard from him? I'd say he might have had a fixed idea in his head about how he was going to spend Sunday and didn't think.

Marmozet · 21/12/2020 22:10

Did he text you?

Original poster
Notanotherfreak · 21/12/2020 22:51

Yes he texted. I did bring up the lack of warmth after dtd and he’s honestly oblivious. Wants to meet up later in the week. I’m not convinced our emotional languages are compatible but I’ll meet him again & see.

OP posts:
JurassicParkAha · 21/12/2020 23:37

Good luck OP! Hopefully he's warmer and more considerate on the second date. Some people just take a while to show their real emotional language. And plenty of players will woo you hard with breakfast and grand gestures and still ghost you. If you're still left feeling cold next time, then you know for sure he isn't the one!

cuppateabiscuits · 22/12/2020 01:56

@Notanotherfreak

A month dating. He was romantic before we DTD, but I did wonder if he was a bit on the spectrum. But it left me feeling empty & upset.
He wants the same as you?
popsydoodle4444 · 22/12/2020 02:23

@Notanotherfreak

I hope you're not insulted by this but if he was really into you then he would have made the most of the opportunity to spend if not the day but at least the morning with you.

The "invite her round and cook her dinner" is the oldest trick in the book when a bloke wants sex.If sounds like abit of a pump n dump scenario.

I'd think about saying "next" and moving on.

PurBal · 22/12/2020 02:52

Playing devil's advocate I don't consider 9.15 particularly early. The latest DH and I lie in at weekends is 8am. Also another who doesn't routinely make breakfast. And I'm not sure why you need both coffee and tea... I wouldn't have both before 9.15. I'd just ask him.

FortunesFave · 22/12/2020 03:56

PurBall I said the same thing up thread. I get up the same time on weekends as I do in the week...7.00am. I also don't bother with breakfast...might have a banana at about 11.

Bumsnet2021 · 22/12/2020 04:08

Another one not seeing the issue.

I would feel weird someone hanging around all day (or staying at someone elses) and nothing ever passes my lips before lunch other than a toothbrush so it wouldn't occur to me that someone else felt it rude not to offer coffee or breakfast. Especially when you had had a cup of tea.

You could just as easily posted that he made you go for a dog walk and insisted you stay for breakfast and people would be saying he was needy and controlling

CourtAndSpark2 · 22/12/2020 08:37

If you had a nice evening, good meal and good sex (was it good?), then that's a better day than most :) Enjoy it for what it was and move on.

lottiegarbanzo · 22/12/2020 11:16

All these 'but I don't have breakfast' people. If you invited a friend, or a couple you're friends with, to stay with you for the weekend, would you make sure you had some breakfast food available for them? Coffee if you know they're an addict (even if you don't drink it), or at least a plan for breakfast (cafe etc) you could offer them?

Would you really keep them hungry until lunch time, or until your preferred mid-morning snack time, just because that's your personal preference?

I find it hard to believe you would. I think we all know that hosting a guest is about thinking about what they would like and giving them a nice experience. It's not about saying 'well I only think about what I want to do, so screw you!'.

So I think OP is saying she felt poorly hosted, because, rather than see her as an overnight guest in his home, the bloke saw her as a Saturday night shag only.

That doesn't bode well for the future. He wants what he wants, has no thoughts or feelings for making her life enjoyable, and leaves her when she's met his needs.

Early 40s divorce, leaving her with care of the inconveniently demanding children, while he gets his needs met elsewhere, in the making.

willsa · 22/12/2020 11:23

@lottiegarbanzo
Spot on!

grapewine · 22/12/2020 11:26

@Notanotherfreak

A month dating. He was romantic before we DTD, but I did wonder if he was a bit on the spectrum. But it left me feeling empty & upset.
On the spectrum? Why, cos he didn't offer breakfast? Come on. He's just being an arse.
billy1966 · 22/12/2020 11:42

@Notanotherfreak

Yes he texted. I did bring up the lack of warmth after dtd and he’s honestly oblivious. Wants to meet up later in the week. I’m not convinced our emotional languages are compatible but I’ll meet him again & see.
"Honestly oblivious" or just doesn't give a shit either way?

Suit yourself OP.

Listen to your gut.
If he isn't bothered about you feeling rushed out the door, you have your answer.

MuckyPlucky · 22/12/2020 12:10

I think it’s too early to be writing this off as insurmountable incompatibility between your emotional languages. In all other respects you’ve got along, been romantic, had fun, he’s cooked for you, you seem to like each other. As hopefully you’ll have seen from this thread: there’s a huge array of different ways people approach the mornings/routine/need for personal space etc. At the start of a relationship you’re bound to come up against the odd thing you approach differently. Hopefully these things will be examples you’ll laugh as a couple about in years to come. But only a bit more time will tell.

ALondonMum2 · 22/12/2020 12:27

Another one who doesn't see what's the issue here. Speaking from a runner's perspective, Sunday morning run is an important part of weekend routine for many runners and many people do a long run. It would not be appropriate to have breakfast and dilly dally if he has planned a run, nor can he expect OP to hang around if he is doing a long run. Can't see why OP needs tea and coffee both. Maybe next time, you can just talk beforehand on the plan (including what you will be doing in the morning)?

Redundant98 · 22/12/2020 12:31

Some people on this thread clearly have low standards.

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