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Original poster

No breakfast after DTD

252 replies

Notanotherfreak · 20/12/2020 22:19

So I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, and need advice! Been dating a guy ..we’ve had 6 dates & had dinner at his last night (we’ve both had Covid before I’m flamed!). Was discussed beforehand that I’d stay. So he cooks me a lovely dinner, I stay, we DTD. All good. DTD again in the morning then get he gets up. I have a cup of tea then he says he has to walk the dog & then going for a run... it’s obvious then he’s not going to make me a coffee (I asked) or make me breakfast before I go. So I leave but tbh feel pretty pee’d off as it was all a bit efficient and kind of thought it would be nice to offer me breakfast before I go! Am I being precious? It’s not a work day but a Sunday! Am thinking maybe he got what he wanted and just wanted me gone? Not sure if this is a red flag or he’s just been a batchelor for so long he’s just is entrenched in his routine...what would you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Notanotherfreak · 22/12/2020 12:43

I’m inclined to agree that it’s early days, he has a hugely stressful busy job and Saturday Sunday is his only days to run etc. He was shopping and cooking for me on Saturday and then had to work on Sunday afternoon. So I do think it’s acceptable. I am the kind of person who likes a tea in bed sometimes on a Sunday and have a slow getting up routine. I’m not convinced he’s the right guy for me anyway so shouldn’t really be throwing my toys out if the pram at this point. He’s been in contact & wants to meet up so wasn’t just playing me to get a shag which is a relief as that would have been grim.

OP posts:
Thismustbelove · 22/12/2020 13:06

Redundant98

I agree. If I stayed with a friend for the night, I would think they were very rude if they didn’t offer me breakfast and rushed me out.
I certainly wouldn’t be in awe of them keeping to their schedule.

RantyAnty · 22/12/2020 13:21

That's good he said he wanted to meet up.
What does he have planned?

Bumsnet2021 · 22/12/2020 13:24

@Thismustbelove

Redundant98

I agree. If I stayed with a friend for the night, I would think they were very rude if they didn’t offer me breakfast and rushed me out.
I certainly wouldn’t be in awe of them keeping to their schedule.

I wouldn’t.

Different people have different opinions.

Doesn’t necessarily have to mean one is right and one is wrong

Redundant98 · 22/12/2020 13:27

Bumsnet2021 Those with higher standards wouldn't agree this was a smooth or caring move by the OP's date Wink

Redundant98 · 22/12/2020 13:34

I also sense he's been thoughtless. OP, give it a few weeks, you'll get a feel for him.

Porridgeoat · 22/12/2020 13:42

I’m on the fence. You’re clearly a relax in bed first thing person and he’s a get on with the day type person and both are fine.

How about offering to walk his dog with him and grabbing coffee out? If you arrange this in advance you’ll have a plan and can agree to go your own way afterwards

Porridgeoat · 22/12/2020 13:44

He might not be that used to hosting and might feel under pressure to complete all his jobs on a weekend. Offer to walk and run with him.

lottiegarbanzo · 22/12/2020 14:27

The thing is, it wasn't a surprise to him that OP was staying over. They'd planned it. He knew he'd have a guest in the morning. The least he could have done was give her prior warning of his morning routine, so she could plan her Sunday too.

Who the hell invites a guest to stay, then fails to provide any breakfast? A very bad (rude, inconsiderate) host indeed!

They're still at the early, dating, trying to impress, stage. Not at the established, 'fit in meeting when we can, understand each others' schedules and other priorities' stage.

I can understand how this happened - he's habitually selfish and set in his ways. But explanation isn't justification or excuse. It certainly isn't a recommendation.

Hopefully it's given him enough of a jolt that he starts to see the need to think about what OP might want, to recognise she is a separate person from him, with her own wants and needs, so he might have to ask her, listen and adapt.

LilyWater · 22/12/2020 19:19

To be honest, what else would you expect? Confused
You chose to sleep with him after 6 dates and you're not in relationship so all your actions tell him that sex for you is just a casual activity. So he treated it likewise.

Sparechange · 22/12/2020 19:23

lily
Are you saying 6 dates is too soon to sleep with someone? Confused

The last bloke I met got me into bed after our second date. Reader, I married him.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 22/12/2020 19:24

@LilyWater

To be honest, what else would you expect? Confused You chose to sleep with him after 6 dates and you're not in relationship so all your actions tell him that sex for you is just a casual activity. So he treated it likewise.
Low standards AND a little bit of shaming sneaked in. Well done.
Original poster
Notanotherfreak · 22/12/2020 19:29

@LilyWater so tell me how do you proceed when you meet a man. How old are you and are you now married?

OP posts:
LilyWater · 22/12/2020 19:29

@livefornaps

If I was in the street at 9:15am on a sunday after sleeping over with a man, I would assume he had done the pump pump in my junk and was now good and ready to dump
Confused
LilyWater · 22/12/2020 19:36

@Sparechange

lily Are you saying 6 dates is too soon to sleep with someone? Confused

The last bloke I met got me into bed after our second date. Reader, I married him.

Didn't say anything about "too soon", just stated the obvious. They slept together on a casual basis so that's how he treated her. For all we know he could have had another date planned with someone else that day and didn't want the OP hanging about his house the morning after when he had other things to do/get ready for.
Original poster
Notanotherfreak · 22/12/2020 20:20

@LilyWater stating the obvious? Really? Make your mind up, either 6 dates is too soon and to casual in your eyes or it’s not? What’s your magic formula then? How do you know it was on a casual basis, you have absolutely no idea as I have not stated that. In my view you can make a man wait one date or 20 - if he’s not a decent person he’ll show his colours regardless. If you are hoping making a man wait, being ‘promised’ a relationship from him to assure you before having sex and that will make him not play you then you have a fair bit to learn! I would never ever commit to a relationship without having had sex anyway as it might be awful! Weird stance you have.

OP posts:
LilyWater · 22/12/2020 20:44

@Notanotherfreak Lol calm down. Take a deep breath. You've been on just 6 dates with this man, you're still relative strangers to each other. It's the first time you've stayed over his house and you don't know whether he's also dating other people. If you're getting that worked up about a man you've had a casual encounter with, perhaps it's time to reflect whether that style of dating suits you.

EKGEMS · 22/12/2020 20:54

@LilyWater How old are you? I think you must be over 100 years because your laughable and judgmental post belongs in the Victorian age

Tootletum · 22/12/2020 21:00

Nah I'd get rid. Just a bit too selfish and since it only ever gets worse over time, the initial stages are normally really lovey and "oh don't worry I'll do my stuff another time let's be together /walk/have more sex". 7 years in he's scratching his balls and asking whose turn it is to check if anyone has wet their bed 😁

Original poster
Notanotherfreak · 22/12/2020 21:03

@LilyWater you’ve given me the best laugh of the day, thank you.

OP posts:
Nohomemadecandles · 22/12/2020 21:06

Shagged him within about 15 minutes of meeting him.

Been married for a million years now with kids and we still love each other and enjoy our early nights! @LilyWater - bugger off with your nonsense!

Breakfast - erm, I dunno. Coffee i would expect. Breakfast no, I don't think so.

Calmate · 22/12/2020 21:16

This reminds me of an old joke, older than me !
"What's the most romantic thing you have ever said to a girl?"
Reply "Get yer clothes back on, the taxi's here !" Grin

Chesneyhawkes1 · 22/12/2020 21:28

I have a coffee and no breakfast on a Sunday. Walk my dogs and then go for a run 😂 maybe don't take it personally. Can't have breakfast before a run.

Also I'd be annoyed if anyone hung around and messed up my routine. Sorry

Woahisme · 22/12/2020 21:51

@Notanotherfreak in your OP you said this:

it’s obvious then he’s not going to make me a coffee (I asked) or make me breakfast before I go.

What was his reply when you asked for coffee? Confused

EveryEdenhasaserpent · 26/12/2020 12:04

This sounds a bit odd but I had similar when I met my now husband. If he was at mine he would leave early to ‘go for a run’. Turns out he just needed to use the toilet like clockwork in the morning and was concerned about the smell.