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Original poster

No breakfast after DTD

252 replies

Notanotherfreak · 20/12/2020 22:19

So I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, and need advice! Been dating a guy ..we’ve had 6 dates & had dinner at his last night (we’ve both had Covid before I’m flamed!). Was discussed beforehand that I’d stay. So he cooks me a lovely dinner, I stay, we DTD. All good. DTD again in the morning then get he gets up. I have a cup of tea then he says he has to walk the dog & then going for a run... it’s obvious then he’s not going to make me a coffee (I asked) or make me breakfast before I go. So I leave but tbh feel pretty pee’d off as it was all a bit efficient and kind of thought it would be nice to offer me breakfast before I go! Am I being precious? It’s not a work day but a Sunday! Am thinking maybe he got what he wanted and just wanted me gone? Not sure if this is a red flag or he’s just been a batchelor for so long he’s just is entrenched in his routine...what would you think?

OP posts:
Figgyboa · 21/12/2020 02:28

I think you're bring a little precious. I dont recall my OH making me breakfast when we were in the early stages of dating.
Maybe he doesn't eat breakfast so it didn't occur to him and to be fair I always walk my dogs first thing in the morning, guests or no guests.

willsa · 21/12/2020 02:52

Women have really low standards on here. Always amazes me.
If I go over to my dates house and we shag senseless overnight I very well might wake up hungry! What do you guys mean by "making" breakfast? What making does it involve offering some milk/cereal, or toast/butter?
Now that I know such pricks exist, I suppose I'll pack a banana and a BabyBel next time I go for a shag. Confused

And how is it different to going over to someones' at 5pm for a movie night and spending all eve with one cuppa tea and not even popcorn on offer? Maybe the host had early dinner? Maybe the host doesn't like popcorn? Maybe the host is on a diet? Maybe it didn't even cross their mind?
Honestly! Wtf!

I might decline a food offering. But I would judge if there was no offer.

Aprilx · 21/12/2020 03:18

Did he definitely kick you out? Dogs need walking in the morning and he likes a Sunday run, I think it was fine for him to do those things, but maybe he thought you would have a lie in until he was done. I don’t really understand why you need to follow up a tea with a coffee or could not have got your own?

Sakurami · 21/12/2020 04:03

I never eat breakfast and if I have guests I don't go to the gym, I offer them breakfast, I chat with them whilst they eat and if I have to walk my dog, I ask them if they want to come.

That was bloody rude whether you had sex or not.

SkeletorAttack · 21/12/2020 05:27

Definite red flag. He should have been excited about you staying over, and maybe had breakfast options ready for you.

Please drop this guy, don't be a doormat. Remember that this should be the "honeymoon" phase of dating - you should be smitten with each other and trying to impress each other. If the bar is this low after DTD once, imagine if you put up with this shit for another few weeks/months?!

SkeletorAttack · 21/12/2020 05:28

@Notanotherfreak

I actually think he just has a Sunday routine of: walk dog, go for run, shower, eat & work (he does paperwork for his job at weekend). I hope he is not a dick and was just thoughtless. I did get a tea and offering for me to come for a walk and then breakfast would have been really nice in addition. It would have been nice for him to break his routine of a run to do that. I’m not sure if he was thoughtless or just wanted me gone. Not sure either way whether I could be with that kind of person. If I do decide to go for another date with him I’ll mention it and see what he says. He mentioned cooking me more dinners as I left so not convinced he’s played me. I’ll keep you posted!
What I'm sensing is that there is no room for you in his established routine. Run away, now.
booboo24 · 21/12/2020 05:32

I'm terrible at this, I never ever eat breakfast, (just usually chocolate at 10am at work when I start shaking with hunger!) I very often forget to offer my fiance anything to eat first thing, and always have, he either gets it himself or I realise about 2 hours later that I never even offered anything, so, I can easily see how this would happen, and I adore my partner....!

Shoxfordian · 21/12/2020 05:55

He sounds thoughtless to me too
It's fairly basic manners to offer food to a guest. Did you say what's for breakfast or I'm hungry or something like that? No harm in asking for what you want

SnackySnack · 21/12/2020 06:26

@livefornaps

If I was in the street at 9:15am on a sunday after sleeping over with a man, I would assume he had done the pump pump in my junk and was now good and ready to dump
Vom 🤮🤮🤮
sofiaaaaaa · 21/12/2020 06:32

You deserve to make your own breakfast for saying “DTD”🤮

Just say sex. And whilst you’re a being blunt, ask for breakfast instead of hinting. He’s not a mind reader and he’s clearly not as thoughtful as you expect.

MRC20 · 21/12/2020 06:37

I wouldn't be happy with that, and wouldn't be going back for seconds! Not even a coffee ☕ dick

EdgeOfACoin · 21/12/2020 06:38

@Sakurami

I never eat breakfast and if I have guests I don't go to the gym, I offer them breakfast, I chat with them whilst they eat and if I have to walk my dog, I ask them if they want to come.

That was bloody rude whether you had sex or not.

I agree. Take the sex out of it and just assume you had a regular house guest - nobody would usher a house guest out of the door at 9am on a Sunday without offering breakfast first.

Lots of people seem to be excusing this behaviour 'because he's a man'. I can only assume people have very low expectations on this board. Many men have perfectly good manners. If he was capable of cooking a nice dinner, he was capable of offering OP a slice of toast in the morning.

And yes, people have Sunday routines. However, if you have a guest over, you need to expect to change the routine slightly. Go for a bike ride slightly later. Dog will still need a walk, but go for a shorter walk than normal or invite your guest along with you.

OP, there are plenty of men who have mastered the art of basic politeness. Other people on this board may be willing to put up with crap behaviour but there's no reason why you need to. Say something to him about it. How he reacts will probably let you know if he is genuinely contrite or not.

midnightstar66 · 21/12/2020 06:47

I don't eat breakfast nor drink tea or coffee so it might not occur to me that someone would still want this especially after they'd already had a cup of tea. Especially pre 9am. The morning after the night before can sometimes feel a bit awkward the first time or 2 and if he had a lot to get on with he maybe didn't come across well but there isn't really an nice way to say sorry I can't hang about. I'd not write it off just yet but stay vigilant for other signs. He hasn't sent a 'that was nice, thank you' text but I assume neither have you?

RantyAnty · 21/12/2020 07:03

I had a roommate who had this down to a science.

He'd bring a rotation of women through. He'd make the same dinner or the same breakfast. Never both and he'd have them out the door by 8.05am.
I wonder how many of these women thought it would lead to something. Oh he's so nice! He made me dinner.
Yeah, you and the 3 other women he had over that week.

nosswith · 21/12/2020 07:10

If you had just drunk a cup of tea then I would assume you preferred tea, but no offer of any breakfast, well, I think you know this is not something going any further.

Hope he had a clue when you DTD and you both enjoyed it.

nosswith · 21/12/2020 07:12

As for the use of DTD that someone criticised, you have to include at least one acronym in any thread you start, surely? MN HQ can confirm on this point.

Backtoblack1 · 21/12/2020 07:14

I think maybe he just felt really awkward the next morning. I know I would. I don’t eat breakfast so wouldn’t have offered to make any. Had he made it clear he had things to do that morning? X

whatshalliget · 21/12/2020 07:33

Rude definitely.

Plus if this is the first time you had slept together I would think he would be more loved up and not expel you so early. Without breakfast.

I too would move on I think. Now, so he is left wondering, not you.

Aerial2020 · 21/12/2020 07:40

@Notanotherfreak

It just felt a bit cold. But maybe I’m reading too much into it. Just hate the thought that maybe he got the conquest & got rid. Either way it was insensitive...
So why is this being on the spectrum?

You don't get a 'feellng'from someone being on the spectrum. You know it's a proper diagnosis and not something you can feel about someone when they dont live up to your standards??

gannett · 21/12/2020 07:41

Very rude of him. Not even a coffee?!

Hate the "he got what he wanted" phrasing though. Feel it's demeaning to yourself. Did you get what you wanted?

Sally872 · 21/12/2020 07:43

He made you tea I wouldn't be upset I didn't get a coffee.
No offer of breakfast could be an oversight.
Perhaps the dog needed to go out at regular time or likely to have an accident.
I wouldn't leave someone I have known for a short time in my house alone, that is sensible.

It may have been disappointing and you would have liked something different but I don't think it is that bad. His contact over the next few days will soon confirm if being used or not. Hopefully not Flowers

Aerial2020 · 21/12/2020 07:45

@TinaTurnoff

If he was taking the dog for a walk, I would have totally expected him to say ‘stay put, I’ll pick you up a coffee and pastry, and be back in 20 minutes.’ Did he whoosh you out as he was leaving?
This. This would have been nice from a date.
EmmanuelleMakro · 21/12/2020 07:45

As others have said -this is the honeymoon phase -at the very least he could have asked if you want to walk the dog with him and get a coffee on the way.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 21/12/2020 08:10

He acted like it was one of those one night stands you wake up and regret. Get them out of the house!

I hope that wasnt what he was actually thinking, but he was still thoughtless enough to act that way.

Not a keeper.

cosmicbabe · 21/12/2020 08:23

Following to see if he texts again x

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