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Original poster

No breakfast after DTD

252 replies

Notanotherfreak · 20/12/2020 22:19

So I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, and need advice! Been dating a guy ..we’ve had 6 dates & had dinner at his last night (we’ve both had Covid before I’m flamed!). Was discussed beforehand that I’d stay. So he cooks me a lovely dinner, I stay, we DTD. All good. DTD again in the morning then get he gets up. I have a cup of tea then he says he has to walk the dog & then going for a run... it’s obvious then he’s not going to make me a coffee (I asked) or make me breakfast before I go. So I leave but tbh feel pretty pee’d off as it was all a bit efficient and kind of thought it would be nice to offer me breakfast before I go! Am I being precious? It’s not a work day but a Sunday! Am thinking maybe he got what he wanted and just wanted me gone? Not sure if this is a red flag or he’s just been a batchelor for so long he’s just is entrenched in his routine...what would you think?

OP posts:
JurassicParkAha · 20/12/2020 23:22

Whatever his reasons and motivations (maybe he changed his mind after DTD, maybe he doesn't eat breakfast, maybe he is a man of routine in the morning) - do YOU want to date a man who shoos you out of his place first thing Sunday am?

Now, I wouldn't bother keeping up the text chat if he hasn't lined up a second date by day after latest. No need to 'end' it - just stop replying. Because if he doesn't sort out a second date, he isn't interested. Maybe he did like you, maybe he changed his mind the morning after - irrelevant. If he's keen, he's making plans to see you again. Texts are meaningless. And if you do meet up again, in the am just ASK him for breakfast and see his reaction. Like a pp said, maybe it's just not his routine and he didn't think to offer.

Also, why this feeling like 'he got what he wanted'? Did you not enjoy the sex, and do it because you wanted to? When you sleep with someone, it's no guarantee it will be a relationship. So do it only if you want to, and assume it may not work out. People are allowed to have sex and then change their mind. But unless he coerced you into sex, or promised you a relationship then backed out - he didn't use you.

AramintaLee · 20/12/2020 23:22

I would feel a little put out but wouldn't be ditching him over it. I think the first time I planned to stay overnight with my now boyfriend I asked what he wanted to do about breakfast and whether he wanted me to bring anything. Kinda helped to establish what the plan was for the morning after.

As other posters have suggested, maybe he doesn't do breakfast so didn't think to suggest it. I agree it's a little insensitive to leave you first thing when it's your first time spending the night. I would have at least expected a nice, reassuring message like "hope you had a good time" etc.

I would just see what happens and not make any rash decisions.

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 20/12/2020 23:23

I'm confused, too. Do you normally need follow up tea with a coffee? What was next - Bovril? And how did you get the tea; presumably he made that?
He might be a dick; he might not. He might have got his oats and not want to see you again, or you might be together for 25 years. But I don't think he can conclude either way based on your account of the morning.

varaghoul · 20/12/2020 23:23

This guy sounds like me 10 years ago! OLD was it? I should think he has got what he wants, making dinner for someone was always a good route in. Has he been vague about progression, not dismissive but more 'would like to see how it develops' line?

The trick is to give enough to get someone warming to you whilst being slightly non committal. If he had you out at 9.15 Sunday, the guy is a pro! I used to dream of this.

Just take it as it is. I still fondly remember my days of living alone, I loved my time alonefor ages and even having someone stay over once we were done felt onerous. No harm, no foul, everyone just goes their own way from here.

billy1966 · 20/12/2020 23:25

OP,
Don't minimise how you feel.

Extremely rude behaviour.

In effect you were turfed out first thing.

I would not be impressed.

Very shabby behaviour.

Certainly not the behaviour of a man wanting to impress you.

You deserve better.Flowers

AccidentallyOnSanta · 20/12/2020 23:25

@Hotwaterbottlelove

He made you tea, why would you expect a second drink? I would be so confused if a guest asked for coffee right after tea. I also would never have breakfast before a run so wouldn't offer it to a guest. I'd she he was it as an evening date and a stay over. Not a morning date as well. That's fine. If you haven't stayed overnight before, that's quite a long time to spend in each others company so understand him wanting to have a clear 'out' in the morning.
How does that even work?

As soon as you wake up.. well the night date is over, I don't want a morning one.. byeeee?
It's not a date to spend a bit of time together the morning after sex.

FTEngineerM · 20/12/2020 23:26

I’d be fuming too OP, you’re worth more than that. Even if he didn’t have breakky it’s polite to offer.

DP made me pancakes and coffee after I first stayed over his flat when we were dating. Set a very high bar for any future DPs should this not work out.

TatianaBis · 20/12/2020 23:33

I don’t eat breakfast but it wouldn’t occur to me not to offer someone else breakfast.

MuckyPlucky · 20/12/2020 23:37

But as the OP says, he already had plans for Sunday morning. I always run or ride early on a Sunday morning and never eat breakfast before. I wouldn’t feel at all bad about letting my Saturday night date know that I had Sunday morning plans.

Original poster
Notanotherfreak · 20/12/2020 23:47

I actually think he just has a Sunday routine of: walk dog, go for run, shower, eat & work (he does paperwork for his job at weekend). I hope he is not a dick and was just thoughtless. I did get a tea and offering for me to come for a walk and then breakfast would have been really nice in addition. It would have been nice for him to break his routine of a run to do that. I’m not sure if he was thoughtless or just wanted me gone. Not sure either way whether I could be with that kind of person. If I do decide to go for another date with him I’ll mention it and see what he says. He mentioned cooking me more dinners as I left so not convinced he’s played me.
I’ll keep you posted!

OP posts:
Zlistceleb · 20/12/2020 23:58

I'm so confused. I don't think he should change his routine. He hosted you, cooked etc. He made you a brew. Never in all my years have I known someone drink tea and then want a coffee immediately afterwards. It wouldn't occur to me to ask.

I imagine that yes he has a routine and he wanted some fresh air with his dog. Dog walking with you then breakfast would've meant that you probably wouldn't have left until midday. As you've just said, he works on a Sunday doing admin.

If you'd been seeing him for longer than a month then maybe but I don't quite understand what he's done wrong.

DumplingsAndStew · 20/12/2020 23:59

My daughter is on the spectrum... she eats breakfast.

HTH.

Zlistceleb · 21/12/2020 00:01

Oh and saying he is on the spectrum is bloody ignorant. So many people feel qualified to make a formal diagnosis! What happened to just asking the person to explain their actions?

BlueThistles · 21/12/2020 00:02

Sounds like he just wanted to enjoy his Sunday... having sex was part of that then he wanted rid of you to enjoy the rest of his day ... alone Flowers

DoWahDiddy · 21/12/2020 00:05

Perhaps he had a breakfast date? You're only dating, after all?

Backtoblack1 · 21/12/2020 00:09

Have you heard from him since? X

1forAll74 · 21/12/2020 00:09

You are only thinking about yourself here, some people like to keep to their little routines, and dog walks are very important, to dogs, in the morning. Man's best friend , as they say.

Lalliella · 21/12/2020 00:12

He’s probably just a bit thoughtless and set in his routines. Did you enjoy the date and the sex? If so, give him another chance. And maybe talk to him about it.

Butterymuffin · 21/12/2020 00:13

FFS. I know not everyone eats breakfast, but on the other hand it's not some weird niche custom either. And if you are keen on someone, you'd think of things they might like, and if you didn't have stuff in, you'd suggest going out for a coffee or breakfast to keep the date going.

CausingChaos2 · 21/12/2020 00:14

Not offering you breakfast is rude. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I can see why he wouldn’t leave someone he met a month ago alone in his house (I wouldn’t - no matter how nice they are). Maybe his dog needs to be exercised so they do their business/ settle down for the day. It would have been nice if he invited you along but he could have had plans for the rest of the day and didn’t know how to draw things to a close.

toastfiend · 21/12/2020 00:18

Perhaps he doesn't eat breakfast? That's not to say it wasn't a bit rude, but if he's very set in his ways/habits it could be oversight? He may also have a dog that's routine driven and whines constantly when it knows it should be out for its morning walk so he just wanted to get on? Mine whinge on and on come 10pm to tell us it's dinner time. They'd not take kindly to a delay in their meal service. Could be the same thing.

Tea/coffee wise, it wouldn't occur to me to offer you a coffee if you'd just had a tea, tbh, and I'm generally a people pleaser. I wouldn't overthink it, he's been a bit thoughtless, perhaps, but I wouldn't say it sounds immediately like you've been played.

PandaBearCub · 21/12/2020 00:18

Not everyone eats breakfast or has a cuppa in the morning. Did he have a tea/coffee and offer to make you one? I think it was nice he made you dinner. He could’ve asked you to come on the walk with him, but then again he might have had a busy day ahead of him and just wanted to get the walk over and done with. Maybe he didn’t know how to say goodbye. Has he been in contact since?

notsurewhattodo22 · 21/12/2020 00:22

It's not about the breakfast here, it's about being kicked out at 9am.

Not offering breakfast could be seen as thoughtless, but just fucking off out so early is rude.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/12/2020 00:24

He didn't want to risk you hanging around all day and TOTALLY jumped the gun

BrokenNotDead · 21/12/2020 00:28

To go against the MN norm...
In my experience men are creatures of habit (4 older brother, my dad, my DH and our son)
He might have just needed a poo and didn't want you in the house while he did it Confused
All the men in my family always had a poo in the morning before work/school/general fucking about.
He could have just been polite by not stinking his flat/house out with you there Xmas Grin