Not comfortable performing oral sex with new guy after abusive relationship.

[Fightingback16]

So I just feel terrible. I’ve been with a new guy for a few months now. Before him I was in an abusive relationship for years that was a couple of years back.

Bad things happened especially around oral sec and I’m just not ready to perform oral sex and I’ve explained I just need a bit of time to feel more comfortable.
Last night he really pressed me for it and the more he did the more I couldn’t and I got upset and sat in the toilet, he doesn’t know that.

I feel very guilty and just think I should walk away because he must be unhappy and it’s making me feel very uncomfortable. We do other things but he isn’t really that interested in the lady part just the mouth. It’s a shame because he is nice guy and I find him attractive it’s just I can’t seem to let go.

What should I do?

@Fightingback16

I hate just not being normal and always having to know what I know and I hate being vulnerable and needy. And now I don’t trust this Man. I have been having the feeling from the beginning he isn’t interested in me as a person, crap !

What is 'normal'??

Not that many years ago, oral would have been thought of as unusual.

Now, because port is so freely available, even really extreme acts are being considered (by some) as commonplace.

There is nothing wrong with you, but loads wrong with him

End it. No one should pressure you to do something you don't feel comfortable doing. You don't need another asshole in your life if you just came out of an abusive relationship.

Maybe next time you date someone and things are getting a bit more serious pre-empt this by having a chat with the guy and explaining that it will take time for you to get comfortable. It will give you an opportunity to screen out those who won't be able to handle it...

Absolutely end it! My ex was like this and it ended up him doing the same about sex! It will only get worse and he doesn't respect your boundaries! I felt like you, like i was the problem and you're not! ( i have abuse trauma) and i can tell you my ex made it a whole lot worse!

My current partner i didn't sleep with for about 8 weeks and didn't do oral for 7 month's! And not once did he complain or pressure me! There are men out there who aren't total pig's, please don't settle for one

Your instincts are telling you something so you should listen. You said he pressured you...that’s not how positive relationships work.

Vanilla my arse.

This is not true.

Some women love it and that's great.

However some don't, and that is ok too.

It's like Anal. Some women really enjoy it but the expectation that this is part of every relationship is ridiculous.

A lot of these expectations come from porn.

I know of two medics who have told me that Erectile Dysfunction is a huge issue in their GP practice's because of porn.

I have spoken to warn both my sons about it, such is my concern about what i have heard.
It's a real thing.

Anal tearing in teenage girls is a real thing too.
Apparently its safe sex😳as you can't get pregnant.

Young people need to be taught to identify and establish what THEIR boundaries are.

Porn has implied vanilla sex isn't enough.

People need to decide for themselves what they want and not accept being pressured by others.