He brought his child’s mum a gift?

[Gta211]

Hi so I’ve been with this guy for just over 11 months, he has a baby with a woman who he was never in a relationship with.

So anyway we were out Christmas shopping today and he told me he needs to get her a gift from the child. I said it’s really weird that he would do that as it’s not as if the baby is old enough to ask?
I don’t have kids so I’m not sure if that’s normal?

The thing is they haven’t had the easiest of time since the baby has been born, a lot of arguments and tension. We just recently got over a message I saw where he told her he loved her and she was his family.
Am I just being blind? I don’t know how to navigate this? I don’t want to get in the way but I feel like boundaries are being crossed?

@slewis1228 he's keeping his girlfriend of almost a year a secret from the mother of his child. There's nothing beautiful about that. RTFT

I've got a joint preset for my ex and his partner for Christmas from our boys. He is rude and abusive to me, pays less maintenance than he should do, never returns their clothes etc. But it's the right thing to do so my boys have a gift to give their dad and his partner. Its only a token (chocolates and wine) because I dont agree with expensive presents from children to adults. When it's my birthdays/ mothers day I ask them to make me a cup of tea. I would never, ever tell my ex I loved him though for many reasons. That is the weird part of this story...

Woah wait. I didn’t realize she was a secret.

@whatwedontknow

I think the gift is just the trigger. It’s perfectly normal and a nice thing to do on it’s own.

The bigger picture is after 11 month she doesn’t know about you.
He stays over, they argue, he says I love you’re family.
They are spending Christmas together.

That’s not co parenting he has two relationships here, is BF real or an excuse for him to say he has to stay over.? How would he react if you told her about you or said you wanted Christmas together?

I agree...

this is a relationship.. and your the dirty little secret OP... you deserve way better ..

The present buying and being amiable is normal but everything else is way off and I say that as a person who has been a step parent. I have also remarried and have children of my own so I have an ex partner who is my children's father. This sounds hard work and not worth the effort. But it was always going to be this hard when you went into this situation.

Gift - that’s nice

Saying I love you - no way!! Not normal, especially as they were not in a relationship.

I’d walk. It’s going to be grief.

I agree usually someone else in the family offers to buy for the kids but I know from Mumsnet some parents end up with nothing for Christmas birthdays etc.

You say they weren't in a relationship but I think you mean they weren't an established couple prior to the pregnancy. A relationship of some kind certainly formed during the pregnancy or following the birth and it is possible he has feelings for her as someone he never had the opportunity to love as a partner, in a longing for, what if ...kind of way.

I think there is unfinished business there as the context apart from this gift suggests.