The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

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How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

Well done for getting through the day op. Your girls see him, don't they? I'm sure that they have for a while.
Well done for maintaining the moral high ground today.
Getting closer to being able to get out

OP you are doing so well, I really admire your strength. I’m sure your kids are very proud of you and know exactly what their dad is like, with every petty thing he does (like not giving you a gift today) they see him. He reveals to them even more how horrible he can be. Sad for them but not in your control.

Well done for holding it together, not much longer now until you can move!

I love that your kids are already calling him on his behaviour. I bet you are imagining next year’s unfettered Christmas. Eating anything you like, whenever you choose, etc... Sounds perfect doesn’t it?

I’m up and all upset.

Not sure I am doing that well or just being bloody stupid to not have moved out. I can’t see next year yet. His meanness and ridiculousness is starting to get to me. Plus, I’ve tummy ache from eating too much Christmas dinner.

Sat down to watch Bridgerton last night, having put the kids to bed (they were still up and monkeying around because, you know, Christmas) and the next thing I know he’s having a go, telling them that he doesn’t understand why they won’t sleep, does he need to take them to the doctor?! WTF? How have I put up with this shit for so long? Have I enabled it? Why have I not seen how ridiculous he is?

Christmas Eve he had an argument with eldest DD about a sharpie. And then sulked for an hour.

I decided yesterday morning that I wasn’t going to spend the day simmering about every little thing, that I would just let it go. But now I’m going over and over every little thing.

He was on to MIL yesterday. I walked past, smiled and said Merry Christmas and she completely blanked me. Such a relief not to have to deal with her. Rude.

When I went to bed he was just sitting on the sofa staring into the distance. I said goodnight, happy Christmas, and he said all hollow like ‘Is this what my life has become?’

What. A. Drama. Queen.

Big hugs

Perhaps his behaviour has got worse because he is lashing out or because you are no longer placating him??

Either way your rental property will be ready soon. When do you get the keys? Please move put straight away!! Have a van booked and go.

I tried to have a small glass of my favourite red yesterday. It didn't taste right 😳 I still don't have much appetite. I don't recommend a stroke but it's helping me shift that weight I wanted to lose!

God he's a twat isn't he. You're setting such a good example for your children though, removing them from the permanent presence of this petty, small minded man.

This is the hardest part. It really does take it out of you. Only once you move out will you realise what you have endured. Sometimes I look back and wonder how the hell I managed to get through it.

The freedom I felt once I was out of there was indescribable. The processing of how/why I put up with his behaviour for so long took a lot longer. Holding it together for the sake of the kids is what women like us do. Our strength is remarkable, and there are many women like us.

So WELL DONE for hanging on in there. This will be over soon, and then you can start to rebuild.

Sending you a whole lot of hand-holding, admiration and respect.

Keep focusing on how you will feel locking the door to your new home and never having to have him across the door step.

‘Is this what my life has become?’
I hope you replied.
"Yes is what you have made of your life, own it."
Do not ever EVER let him in to your new house. he can drop off, pick up a the gate. ... it will be your safe place... Not tarnished by him

Maybe he could have tried being less of a self-indulgent, arsehole he might be capable of a moment of epiphany right then, but no... it’s no the “Three marriages down the gurgler - Maybe it’s me” thing, is it? Nope... it’s just an attention-seeking ploy worthy of an 11 year old pre-menstrual girl.

Ye gods you’re a patient person, I would’ve twatted him with a frying pan by now!

Like a previous poster, I'd be telling him that his life would become what he made of it, and currently, this is his life, because this is what he made of it. If he doesn't like it, he needs to change it - without me. And if he's not careful, without his kids, because he's certainly doing nothing to endear himself to them, or to foster a positive ongoing relationship with them.

He has kids from previous relationships, right? Do they bother with him?

Christmas is now officially over, yes? Thank god for that.

@justilou1 it’s a very complicated relationship with his eldest. They speak but not much more. Long story.

Well, he’s signed the house paperwork so I just need to parcel that up and get it back to the solicitor (will go drop it off, I don’t trust the post), so that’s that hurdle done. I was expecting some histrionics but it was all calm. He’s appointed a solicitor.

Didn’t get much sleep last night. In large part due to the storm!

Need a day off the sauce. Consumption has been creeping up, just want to keep an eye on it. Don’t want to start to rely on it.

2 more episodes of Bridgerton to go, am thoroughly enjoying it. Took a while to get into it but just the lighthearted kind of thing I needed to watch.

He’s packing in the attic and I suppose I should go do some stuff. Just sitting looking at the carnage which is the sitting room - presents everywhere. I came downstairs to an empty bookcase on Christmas Day- he’d used Christmas Eve once I’d gone to bed as the time to package them up. I thought we were being discreet for the kids but no.

You couldn’t make this up - very important consultants appointment for DD1. Been waiting for it for ages. Just opened the letter from the hospital and it’s on the morning I was planning to move. Grrr. Wondering if the movers will come at 12.30 and I can be in the new place before 5...I’ll have to ask them.

Thank you so much for stories of going through this and coming out the other side, it really helps.

@RandomMess how are you feeling now?

Do you have any leeway over moving dates?

If you give the removals people an early heads-up tomorrow you'll probably find they're really helpful. I just moved and the removals company are well used to changing arrangements.

Bridgerton is outrageously ridiculous. I'm loving it. Isn't Hastings the bloke on the white horse in the Old Spice ad? (I think my specs just steamed up.)

I’m trying to keep things as easy as possible for the kids so would prefer to keep it to the date I wanted - selfishly I also want to keep it to the date I picked!

I think I’ve figured it out chatting to a friend this morning. It might actually work in my favour. So just need to check with the removals company as you say.

Just packed the wedding china and had a wobble. Hey ho. That’s another 3 boxes done. Stopping now and going to watch some Big Bang Theory - late to the party but very much enjoying it.

Forced myself to go to bed last night after episode 5 of Bridgerton. Is completely daft but just what I needed. I do wish they’d do some adaptations of Georgette Heyer novels! Hoping to watch the other episodes tonight. Although I do find it a bit bonkers that they keep using Bath as London, which is a bit disconcerting. Fingers crossed they adapt the other 7 novels in the series!

Followed from the start and just wanted to say 💐 and 💪 to you OP

You CAN and WILL do this

I know it's been really hard for you but you are SO close to the end now. All the times he's been an absolute arse, soon they will be behind you when you're living apart. You, your lovely DC and your beautiful cat can all breathe a sigh of relief. Take heart @StuckInPollyannaMode soon he won't have the right to walk though your front door if you don't want him to, he'll have to go and be a condesending idiot elsewhere!

Thanks for the good wishes and cheerleading- I keep rereading it for encouragement

I thought you might be the very people to appreciate tonight’s ludicrousness.

Apparently my constant nagging on table manners is clearly having no effect and we need to ‘get it sorted’. He wants to hire someone to just come in and make it right.

He ACTUALLY THINKS there is such a thing as a cutlery consultant who teaches children how to eat nicely.

The ridiculous remarks are starting to really get to me now.

3 weeks to go.

'Mmmmmhmmmm.'

And what's he been doing to educate the children on table manners?

Nothing at all? I thought not. Such a good father.

When you're out, you need to write all this up as a sitcom. Honestly, I'd watch it. Yes, of course your DDs should use cutlery properly. But in the grand scheme of things, it's hardly a matter of life and death.

Mine tried to convince me that we were bad parents because our DDs (aged 14 and 16 at the time) occasionally said 'fuck'. When I suggested he might look at the beam in his own eye (alcoholism) before going after the mote in theirs, that went down like a lead balloon.

I think I will be single forever, I love not having to pander to inadequate men.

Mainly shouting at them when they get something on the tablecloth @mbosnz

Apparently I have a magic wand that I’m expecting to wave once I am a single parent.

I said no, but that I will be realistic about bedtime and will NOT be sitting upstairs with them (which is what he does).

He says he is fully prepared to just go to bed at the same time as them as he knows they won’t otherwise stay upstairs.

Fucks sake. They are playing him like a fiddle.

No wonder I’m so exhausted listening to this constant drivel and trying to parent with such an idiot.

I feel sorry for your kids - and that's not to induce guilt in you. He's being an arsehole and using the kids to prove points.

All you can do is parent the way you think is right, and he'll parent the way he wants to - to prove whatever silly little point he thinks he's making.

But, my one consolation to you would be, I can't see this vehement parenting lasting for very long, especially when he doesn't get to beat you over the head with it like a stick.

Manners consultant sounds like something else he will spend money on, and use as an excuse to try and not pay maintenance.
FFS maybe he could send them to a mythical Swiss finishing school.