The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Previous thread

How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

If it helps failing totally on the homeschooling front and I don’t even work - or have just moved house and divorced a twat! - so I’d say you’re winning

If he keeps texting you, I definitely recommend either ignoring or replying, a long time later, ‘not my problem’. I say the latter in my head whenever STBExH asks about something or raises an issue. We are still under the same roof which makes him thing that nothing has changed ... but the internal reciting on my part is becoming more of a habit. It will with you, too.

Fuck it. I would go straight for the hardball of the texts keep rolling in. “Please stop texting me unless about the children. Everything else you can Google for yourself with your fucking iPad”

*My attempt at writing a line through my swearing totally failed!

Underline is probably more appropriate than strike through

I love justilou idea (I agree the underline is probably more appropriate )

What about waiting ages and then asking "how does this impact the children?" Every.single.time.

Either Gellar will have to admit it doesn't & reply to that effect (evidence) or ignore your question (evidence) or focus on the children and be more specific.

You can then choose to either engage with the effect to children, or disagree with him.

Either way, you're making it clear that the kids are your focus & that's all you're interested in hearing from him.

I think i'll bold @justilou1's suggestion and use that

Good suggestion on 'how does this impact the children' as well. Feel like I've more in my arsenal now.

I"m dropping the kids at his tonight and then going to meet a friend for a long walk in the woods - we're going to do it in the dark with head torches - should be good! Not least as i'll have no mobile signal so he won't be able to get hold of me I've not even told the kids what I'll be doing so they can't let it slip.

Lots of tears last night, from me. The children just wouldn't stop fighting and being utterly vile to each other. They saw me cry a bit but then I had to hide in the bathroom and sob into a towel to let the howls out.

Sorry about the sorrow Polly, My kids always used to fight, it was so depressing, they are best friends now though (a lot later !) if that's any consolation.
I was livid, utterly furious, at my H earlier, I really yelled at him & feel totally shit now.
He will never apologize.
I am going to ask him if he thinks we should call it a day later.

Ask him-
"Why do you think this is my problem?"
"Why do you think this has anything to do with me?"
"Why do you think this is my responsibility?"

The answers would be enlightening as to why he thinks his wife work is your work when you are no longer his wife. I presume that's what it is, if he comes up with any other reason I would be fascinated to hear.

The sorrow is really normal though. You've coped with so much and now you're getting the backlash. Best thing is to let it happen naturally.

Same with your DDs fighting - all the tension of having lived with your STBXH needs to come out. It does so in good things but also in things you could happily do without.

I hope you enjoy your nighttime walk. DD2 goes for nighttime walks as a way of dealing with lockdown/A levels/chronic and permanent health condition and consequences thereof. It helps.

Mix56 I'm sorry to hear you're thinking of calling time on your marriage, but sometimes it's just the only thing left to do.

ah @mix56 I'm sorry you're feeling like that, big hugs

@pointythings I'm so teary today too. Hopefully the walk will help. Good to know it helps your DD.

@PeterPandemic I would also like to know the answer to those questions!! At the right time I will deploy them.

He's been very very quiet today. Maybe the solicitor has been in touch and it's finally sinking in?

And just to be a killjoy, Pollyanna - if you are feeling low, it might be best to stay off alcohol for a little while. It's a depressant and might well make you worse.

Do allow yourself the sorrow though. You need to express it in order to heal it.

Never felt less like having a drink @pointythings - mostly just want to pummel something - just got an email from SHL.

She’s received an email from Gellers solicitor.

He doesn’t agree with any of the reasons for divorcing I’ve named on the petition and is disappointed in the contentious nature of the petition given we are aiming to be coparents and its working well since we moved out.

He ‘does not accept or admit all of the allegations made against him and of course reserves the right to defend those allegations should they be raised in any other context.’

No wonder he looked so smug at drop off!

That just sounds like pretty standard, bland solicitor wording. It's basically an acknowledgement of your petition, and a statement that he disagrees with it's contents. I wouldn't read much more into it.

Did the song 'he's an arsehole' make it over here? For some reason I've got the chorus going through my head. . .

Unless he's going to contest the divorce (and his solicitor would have counselled him strongly against doing that), what he thinks and feels is irrelevant. What matters is whether a judge will think you have sufficient grounds for divorce - and they will. Your STBXH will have been told that only the people in the divorce courts will see the petitions and that they will not care.

My husband was also very indignant about the wording of my divorce petition - this is because it mentioned the word 'alcohol' in it. Didn't make a blind bit of difference because he was stupid enough to email me saying he had read the petition and disagreed with it. So I pointed out to him that I could now prove he had received and read the petition and the divorce would g.o ahead unless he contested. He caved pretty quickly. Yours will too, in the sense that he won't contest.

Fact of the matter is, you are free to tell people how he behaved as well. His 'defending allegations' bullshit is a threat to sue your for libel/slander - but then he has to prove that what you're saying isn't true. And it is.

He's full of bullshit. Go on your walk. Scream if you need to. Maybe an owl will scream back at you.

Honestly you need to laugh at him.

His three marriages have failed and he still refuses to accept ANY of his behaviour or attitude is ANY of the problem.

He wants to keep you enmeshed with him, rock solid boundaries required

Night time walking in the woods....

Hi, have been lurking for longer than is polite so just to let you know I've been cheering you on.

I have only ever heard of one divorce petition being denied and it was all over the papers. He can refute whatever he wants, doesn't mean a thing and the judge will probably see any histrionics as further reason for your grounds.

I divorced my exh on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour but put the pettiest reasons on the petition to avoid airing major dirty linen- honestly I shouldn't have bothered. He was all about looking good so the only sign he ever gave me that he was furious was that in the box asking why he didn't wish to share the cost, he wrote 'because I didn't want the divorce in the first place'. Still makes me laugh.

I think they all take exception to the wording of divorce petitions.

Not sure if I’ve mentioned on your thread that ex (who was spectacularly abusive), actually wrote to the court that he did not agree with the divorce petition, that it was nobody’s business and between us and there was no need for a divorce. Reader I got my divorce.

When my two used to fight. I’d stick them both in their rooms and tell them they were not allowed to speak to eachother. It would last about ten minutes before they’d start sneaking into each others room and talking to eachother.

It’s because they feel comfortable with you and have a safe environment in your home to allow their emotions out that they do this. They will settle down once life becomes routine and calmer.

He’s had 3 divorces. The only common denominator in those divorces is him.
He can refute whatever he likes. Doesn’t change what everyone else will very quickly put together.

Balls to him and his pomposity.

Mine divorced me on shit ground. Claiming I was mentally unstable etc -and I had proof it was him. I threatened to contest. He changed the wording slightly and then I replied in a similiar vein. I consented to the divorce but denied his allegations.

Its working well !!! ...... other than him not being able to cope & offloading his responsibility 3 hours early....
Doesn't much matter if he contests your reasons. The marriage has broken down irretrievably, the family house sold... He knows its over.
He's just Lording about as ever

Working well so far, Gellat? Guess you forgot about bringing your children home hours early. Buying yourself an iPad when it’s your children who need the equip for home schooling? And all those messages asking OP to fix his life? And how long, exactly, have you been apart?

Maybe he will wake up one day but sadly I think he is wall to wall deluded.