The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

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How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

I’m not on NextDoor - I’ll give that a whirl thanks - I’ve wasted so much time waiting for gumtree buyers who never turn up, but I’d forgotten about it (after all, it’s not like we are going anywhere!)

I use Calm - I love it - but it just wasn’t touching the sides last night! Not meditating, not sleep stories - nada. Hey ho, at least I got my weekly shop sorted.

I had the house to myself last night, they were with Geller, and are again tonight.

My best friend in Oz has just bought home a pair of kittens...they’re gorgeous! My grand old lady still hasn’t been out yet and I can tell she’s starting to get ready to, lots of zooming round the house at unreasonable hours.

Ooh thanks - sounds like it might be better to get everything ready first rather than piecemeal it like I do with eBay - I’ll check out the pricing. I have downloaded the app, and have numerous boxes left from the move! Good thought, I won’t tip run them.

I want to start eating better, going to pick out a couple of new recipes to try rather than getting stuck doing the same old stuff. Been watching lots of cooking vids on Instagram. Does drive me nuts that no one ever scrapes out the bowl properly with a spatula though!

A bit late to this (fell off my active convos list sorry). But I used to have a spare mattress on which one or other (or sometimes both) of my DC would sleep on.
Sometimes they’d want to sleep in my room and I got fed up with being smacked in the face by soggy hands (one used to suck her thumb and would flail about in her sleep).
So sometimes the mattress was made up in my room or sometimes they wanted to sleep in each others room etc.

I gave up fighting them to stay in their own rooms. But I did slowly make up their rooms to their specifications. So youngest wanted glow in the dark stars on her ceiling, both had fairy lights, youngest had loads of soft toys older dc had completely tidy room etc. Whatever made their room more appealing for them.

I also went to bed later than my dc, so I wasn’t in bed when they were. Wouldn’t recommend this as I suffered awful insomnia at the time.

It took time for us to adjust. And now they’re in their teens I never see them as they’re always in their rooms.

You're doing an incredible job. Cut yourself plenty of slack.

Preloved is good for things like furniture www.preloved.co.uk/

@RandomMess

Try a bed on the floor so they can't touch you but you are very close by.

I can't bear DH touching me let alone the DC!!!

^this

I'm like you op. I literally cannot sleep with a child in my bed. I know it's not kind and it makes me feel like a terrible mother but I just cannot do it. So for years I stood and sat and laid in DD1's bedroom but still she came in and woke us night after night. In the end out of total desperation I laid a spare duvet on the floor by my side and put her pillow and duvet on top. I told her she could sleep on the floor up to 4 nights a week and come through whenever she wanted. I would always be there whenever she needed but she could not sleep in our bed. She came through in and off for about 6 months. The. She just drifted out of the phase. Removing the stress and the fights seemed to fix it. DP was mad at the time because he hated seeing the mess on the floor in our already small bedroom but I swear hands down it fixed it. It just totally removed the stress. Sometimes I would hold her tiny hand while I lay in bed but I still had my own space. Well worth a go.

I slept, my friends! From 9.30 to 5.30 and oh, I feel so much better for it! Did and anxiety meditation when I woke up and now I can take on the world!

Going to go for a walk at lunchtime as well, finally feel like I have taken a breath.

The girls do quite often have a sleepover in my room in their sleeping bags, I’d not thought of doing that here but can do tonight if needed. Geller bringing them back after school today so all on tonight.

Did a big email to my SHL yesterday as well, she’s going to go through it all and have an hours meeting. Paid off my loan and credit card yesterday so I’m finally debt free.

I know there are times when it doesn't feel like it, but you really are doing amazingly well. You still have that insight that lets you identify what's gone wrong and how to fix it, and then you fix it. What more could you ask of yourself?

I agree installing a nest in your room for DDs to come in if they need to would be a good idea. It'll pass, they will settle, but it will take some time.

@StuckInPollyannaMode make this with the children. Yes I know The holiday is one of my favourite films, but absolutely adored this tent they made in the bedroom with the handmade stars.
You're doing so well, and will look back in time to come so glad you made this decision.

Paid off my loan and credit card yesterday so I’m finally debt free.

FUCK YEAH POLLY! If you didn't have at least one glass of bubbly and a fullon, embarrassing, Hugh-Grant-in-Love-Actually dance party, make sure you do that soon.

Afraid I didn’t have a party - saving that for Saturday night when I’m having a zoom party with friends - haven’t managed one since my birthday last year and even then he only let me have an hour.

There will be bubbly! We’re starting by all watching The Masked Singer (secretly getting rather into it)

Achieved quite a bit one way or another today, including a nice walk in the rain and doing all the hoovering. Two more boxes down.

Girls have been a dream since they came home from school. They’ve helped me make supper and over carbonara they tell me Geller has a new iPad and was being very friendly with a lady from work on the phone, Mumma...

Hmmm.

He only let you have an hour for your birthday party

Who the hell did he think he was?? It's like some sort of dictatorial father running HIS household in the manner he wants.

The new woman is welcome to him! Hopefully distract him and be less obnoxious than usual.

Great progress, OP!

I don’t for a minute think he has another woman. I think I know who they are talking about. I haven’t pressed them for details or anything, that’s not cool.

More to the point, what about the bloody fuss he made about buying the girls laptops? And I contributed towards them - basically he’s used that money to buy a bloody iPad.

Anger before bed is negative, anger before bed is negative.

Bedtime has gone smoothly tonight - thankfully. Tucked up myself.

Sleep well folks!

Yep he's a selfish dick, the money is all for him - always was.

He wants a wife and kids but expects the wife to provide for herself, do all the domestic stuff and child rearing and oh yes pay for all the DC stuff too.

Deeply misogynistic.

Sleep well Polly

Does that mean the girls don't have laptops for school because he has a new iPad?!?

Awake and RAGING at so many things. At the way he speaks to me, at the way he is with the kids, how he’s made my life so small, how he’s been with money and dictating so much how I spend my time. All small things built up over time until I just did what he said.

Even now he’s messaging wanting me to sort stuff out for him. From now on my response will be ‘why don’t you ask your new iPad?’

They have laptops now @CraftyYankee but it was an absolute battle.

Would it be workable to block him unless the girls are with him?

I had the rage as well after leaving abusive ex. I took up hapkido and imagined kicking him in the face during training. Was most satisfactory, and I got into amazing shape and earned several belts before leaving the place I was learning it.

It’s your body allowing you to safely realise your emotions now you are safely away from him.

The way I see it, @StuckInPollyannaMode - Anger is a logical response to negative stimulus.

It may be worth limiting his communication options with you. For one thing, his problems are now his to resolve. For another he has no right to intrude into your peace, you left him to get away from him.

You don't have to pander to him any more. Take your anger and channel it into limiting his access to you. How did you get on with shl? Have your divorce papers been sent yet?

Great that the girls were helpful, & went to bed though,
I was vaguely anticipating terrible behaviour after the upset he can cause.
Just sent him an email, saying you will be responding by email only, as his incessant needy phone calls/msgs are invasive

Hahahaha

“Unless it is in regard to the girls please don’t contact me. Just google on your new ipad”

A faster way to get him off your back would be to quote him an hourly rate for whatever service he’s looking for:- Research fees = X per hour, Personal Assistant = X per hour, etc... Don’t forget to add Nannying, Chauffeur, Chef, etc if he drops the kids back early on his days, plus your regular work missed due to inconvenience. This shit will very soon stop.

I'm glad the girls came back ok. I was hoping they wouldn't act up when they got back. Mine would be one or the other after being with dad. Either loving and helpful, the the devil incarnate.

As for the iPad, as much as you want to rip him a new one and point out his hypocrisy, don't. It'll draw you back into an argument that you won't win. It's the kind of shit my ex would pull. Can't help to buy the kids new school shoes or uniform then a week later announces he's booked himself a holiday as he needs a break (he only has the dc eow). It really used to boil my piss. I'd sometimes say things to him, but I'd just get told to stay out of his financial business and it was none of my business. But I stored it, and when he would moan about cms I'd remind him that he'd told me that his financials were none of my business.

What goes around does eventually come around