The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

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How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

Can you just jump into her bed? Not ideal but at least they won’t be sleeping on your head!

My kids struggle with the transition from wakefulness to sleep (we're all autistic) and there are a few things we do to help. They may or may not help you but I thought they might be worth me mentioning.

They each have a small lava lamp on their bedside table connected to a timer switch. The lamps come on a little while before their bedtime so by the time they're in bed the lamps are heated up and blobbing about. Then, the timer means they go off after the kids are asleep so they're not on too long.

The visual distraction really helps give them something to focus on.

I also let them listen to music as they fall asleep. Again, having sensory input helps them to focus on that rather than on their anxious thoughts or the unpleasant sensation of 'losing control' as they slip into sleep.

I also used to (and this might be a little young for your DD - you'll have a better idea than me) draw some simple pictures on small pieces of paper as ideas for them to think about as they fell asleep. Stuff like: a treehouse, the beach, a hot-air balloon, the zoo etc. ('m sure you could print them off if drawing is too time-consuming).

I did maybe 10 or so and then folded them all up and put them in a tub. Each bedtime the boys would pick a piece of paper and see what was on it. That gave them an idea for imagining/daydreaming about something nice as they fell asleep.

Why do you not want her in your bed?

Does it disturb your sleep or do you need the space in the evenings? I would have a mattress of some sort on your bedroom floor so they can sleep there.

Make your evening to yourself sacred but as to where they sleep during the night isn't a big deal??

Some evenings they stay in their beds quietly listening to an audio book and not messing about?

My kids used audio books a lot at bedtime as they had trouble falling asleep. It’s hard to remember what they enjoyed at 8. I think it was:

Horrid Henry
Mr Majeika by Humphrey Carpenter
Flossie Tea Cake series by Hunter Davis
Enid Blyton

Flossie is very funny and it’s great to have books with female lead characters.

They were all obsessed by Enid Blyton, especially Famous Five. I did have to have quite a few conversations about not all gypsies / men with scars being bad and especially about the roles of girls and boys. It that’s a whole other thread.......

I’ve not checked but you can probably get all of these on Audible.

My eldest started using Alexa's sleep sounds on her echo dot. They help her fall asleep, and get back to sleep quickly if she wakes.

They won't want to share your bed forever. This phase will pass.

One likes sleep stories, the other doesn’t

One wants a light on, the other doesn’t

And on and on. I have zero problem with them playing in their room or reading or drawing. I just can’t cope with the endless demands. I was kind for 2 hours - endless cuddles and reassurance and talks about nice things to think about and magical pets and types of sandcastles and what kind of birthday cake to make.

I just ran out of juice and patience. It’s my issue I know.

Unfortunately it’s not a phase for DD1 - she’s been like this for 5 years. When she’s in with me I don’t sleep properly. She’s permanently touching me.

Anyway. We have moved on. I have talked to them and apologised and they told me it’s boring that I keep saying sorry. That stung a bit.

They were out in the snow in their pjs and we’re just back from 3.5 hours of sledging and snowman making. I’m exhausted and so are they - we should all sleep tonight!

I think I need a plan for how to parent going forward. His snappiness and grumpiness has worn off on me and it’s wearing off on the kids. I want to be a calm and firm parent that they can trust. Not a banshee!

Try a bed on the floor so they can't touch you but you are very close by.

I can't bear DH touching me let alone the DC!!!

Have you tried a weighted blanket? My (teen) DD describes it as feeling like she is enveloped in a hug.

@TheTeenageYears

Have you tried a weighted blanket? My (teen) DD describes it as feeling like she is enveloped in a hug.

These are well worth trying. I picked one up of 7kg weight from Aldi a year ago and it was a huge success in improving the sleep of one of my teens.

You are doing your best OP.
You are worn out.

I think you have to continue to be firm with YOUR boundaries around YOUR bed.

I have never had children sleeping in a bed from me because I wouldn't sleep either.

You need your sleep.
Keep insisting that she return to her bed as you are NOT prepared to have your sleep ruined.
It's not selfish, it is perfectly reasonable that you need to mind yourself as the resident parent.

I wondered about them having either bunk beds and the one that likes the quiet and dark could have curtains around or have some room dividers and the one that likes the light could have a very very soft night light?

If you have a child that really needs close contact all the time the more you push them away it can make them more needy than ever which is a dilemma.

Ask your DDs for their ideas on solutions.

I need x so I can sleep you need y and you need z - how can we make this work for all of us?

I'd say this is not your hill to die on.

Having explained that as much as you love them, having someone keep you from sleep means you are tired, crabby, & miserable. You need an hour or two to unwind at the end of the day, so they need to go to their own beds while you finish up your day & if one of them comes in to your bed & wakes you in the night, you will move to the empty bed.

I’ll try a weighted blanket. I’ll check out Aldi! Love a good Aldi trip.

She has SO much contact. Lots and lots. But always wants more.

Feeling really weird tonight. Trying to unpack and get sorted (kids are with him) and I think I’ve really upset my best friend as she’s not talking to me - and I just want to hibernate. It’s entirely justified, I fucked up, went silent on her when I should have called her, and she had some big stuff going on, but she won’t answer my calls or WhatsApp’s

I’ve the fire lit and a curry to eat and to be honest I could just do with a really good cry.

I’ll do another half an hour of sorting so I don’t wake up to chaos and then I need to put on something to open those emotional floodgates!

Could you send your friend flowers with an apologetic message?

I can imagine how wearing DD is I really can. Perhaps your hill is that she can sleep in your room but not your bed...

Don’t be so hard on yourself!
You’ve been through so much upheaval and stress so forgive yourself and try to do your best to get through each day one day at a time.
Just text your friend to explain you’re struggling and wish you could be more supportive.
You can’t be all good things to everyone who needs you. You need to look after yourself so you can look after your girls. That’s your priority just now.
I’ve followed your story and think you’ve been amazing!

Chin up Pollyanna,
Get a good night's sleep,
Tomorrow is another day.
If Bestie doesn't reply tomorrow can you drop round to hers with cake or flowers
& say you are there go listen & not to be heard.....,

She’s 200 miles away, sadly. She’s just messaged to say all ok. Phew. @OMGisthisforreal

Curled up with the cat, the fire, wine and Pitch Perfect 2. Oh, and a packet of mini eggs.

They’re not as big as they used to be.

I want to hug my friends so badly.

Going to finish the film and go to bed. Put a big heavy blanket on there in case it helps me too! good wording thank you, I’ll try that.

Gah. I’ve not had that much wine!

Try again

@OMGisthisforreal good wording thank you, I’ll try that.

Can I just say, I do SO appreciate you all reading and supporting me. I’ve always read threads on MN but never realised just how much these threads would mean to me, with all the cheerleading and posting.

I just found this. A friend was selling one of these and I couldn't believe the price having bought 2 extremely expensive and heavy famous brand ones a year ago. These are £21 and 4kg so better for a child.
"Brentfords Weighted Blanket Quilted - Silver Grey" www.onlinehomeshop.com/brentfords-weighted-blanket-quilted-silver-grey
Also available on Amazon

It will get better than this. Even if that sounds thoroughly implausible right now.

Aside from anything else, you sound like you've been operating on adrenaline for a while. It's normal to feel shit after an adrenaline rush, especially when it had been over an extended period of time.

@Shouldbedoing

I just found this. A friend was selling one of these and I couldn't believe the price having bought 2 extremely expensive and heavy famous brand ones a year ago. These are £21 and 4kg so better for a child. "Brentfords Weighted Blanket Quilted - Silver Grey" www.onlinehomeshop.com/brentfords-weighted-blanket-quilted-silver-grey Also available on Amazon

Great price @Shouldbedoing correct 4kg would be a better weight for a child.

Thank you so much @Shouldbedoing - just ordered 2, one for each child! Now thinking I should have got one too 🤣

Lurched awake an hour ago with anxiety churning. Can’t pin it down which isn’t helping.

Today, around work, I’m going to sort out all the clothes and fully unpack the girls room and sort my bedroom. I’ve a tip run booked for the weekend and fully intend to maximise it! I’ve also decided to sell a couple of pieces of furniture- they’re too big, too heavy and to be honest I’m never going to get around to sanding them down and sorting them out. Is eBay good for furniture these days? I don’t want to put it on FB because then Geller will know.

I keep seeing ads for Vinted - anyone used that to get rid of clothes? I’ve some jackets that I want rid of - barely worn Crew Clothing blazers etc - is it better than eBay?

Going to go make a cup of tea and start cracking on with some lifemin.

You could try Gumtree for selling the furniture, or are you on NextDoor? I get and shift a lot of stuff from there.

Not sure about clothing. Have sold via eBay, but I’m sure others are better.

I’m sure you and the girls will start to feel better once you’ve unpacked a bit more, and settled in.

Did you keep the bed to yourself last night?

Re Anxiety. I use the free Insight Timer app and listen to a free meditation. Also try breathing exercises.

Vinted works very well.
I & 2 friends of mine have sold lots of stuff . Deciding on the price is a challenge, but you can look at what other folks prices are, I would say though if you dont wear it, & want shot of it then go low for a sale
Its an very easy App to use, set up your account then just follow the steps. It includes the posting options ( that the buyer will choose & pays for.
You just need to photograph the clothing ( as advantageously as possible)
& get some boxes/ jiffy bags ready, my stuff went within days.