The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

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How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

Well done OP, you sound in great control.
Great the girls are going to bed peacefully, strife at bed time is awful and very upsetting.

Your idiot ex is utterly focused on him being facilitated and supported to get away with as much as he can.

I would try and arrange things where he doesn't have the power to annoy the shit out of you by being in your way all the time.

His life will soon feel very empty. He may want to while away his sticking his oar in with day to day stuff whilst not adding ANY value.

I agree with what other pp have said, his days are his problem, you can tell him what you propose to do on your days but then it's up to him to sort it.

Can you speak to the school and ask if they can. Hold onto the dc for an extra 10 mins either side of the day to allow you to drop off and collect without impacting the others homeschooling?

The problem with working out every minute detail with him, means he's constantly got a foot into your life. It might seem ok now, but as the dc get older and you move on with your life, it becomes more and more of an intrusion and ultimately a pain in the arse. My friend co parented with her ex like this at the start, and now her dc are 16 & 18 she still has to run things past him, phone him when she gets in after work to tell him the dc are ok etc, it drives her mad but she just can't seem to break it as it's been going on so long

It’s only a little time at each end of the school day....I really wouldn’t worry about it.

His days. His problem. Has he suggested zipping over to do drop off on your days?
I also couldn’t be worked up about the 15 mins. Alternate the girls a bit so it’s not totally one sided, but when most people are juggling homeschool and work meetings there must be lots of crossover points that have to give a little.

I agree with others - start as you mean to go on, with the groundwork for when they're older in mind.

It's a bloody joke "support each other" my arse. He wants to keep control. He wants you to "support" his life with no inconvenience. If you were up for that, you'd still be together!

15 mins is nothing. Definitely not life altering for either girl. Personally I'd send them in on alternate days. Each will get something they want, each will learn you can't always get what you want. Solid life lesson.

It's irrelevant who lives closer to school. Geller days are his to solve & accommodate. Not yours.

Be careful of falling into his trap of doing things because it's "easier" for the girls. They have to adjust to this new life as much as Geller.

You are all right. His days, his problem.

I need to reset my mindset.

But first, I need to build this bloody trampoline!

Yes reset your mindset. Even say to him "you deal with your days as you think, your days mean I am NOT involved"

Large outdoor trampoline on your own??? Erm I hope you survive the experience.

Yes very interesting choice of words as he left the "family" home he is 100% all me me me I truly think you were required to tick the wife and kids box with no value of your own in his life

Pollyanna I think of you every time I see the TSB advert with David Schwimmer!

It’s going to take a little while for you all to settle into your new ‘normal’ and for you in particular to get used to the idea that you don’t have to try and accommodate his issues any more. You’re doing a great job!

He has never/rarely supported you particularly you with the DC.

You need a very hard line on this now set boundaries with him. Perhaps a few years in the future if it suits you and the DC you can be more supportive but this attitude of his is why you are divorcing.

Perhaps reply "there is no WE anymore"

You're still doing brilliantly.
In clingfilm related news, they do silicon stretchy lids on Amazon all sizes for leftovers etc. So no need for clingfilm ever again

3rdnamechange I have these ones so much easier then clingfilm.

I just lost it at the kids. They were screaming and being demanding and I just shouted at them for 5 minutes.

They have been niggling ALL DAY. I need some some space. I need them to stop being on top of me ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

I get they need reassurance and love and all that but I’m spent.

And it's ok to show them you have had enough, and you have feelings, also

And, you apologise for the shouting but NOT the emotion behind it. They are old enough to understand that it's not ok to behave like that to you .

And they need to apologise to you, also. For behaving like that to you.

@Clutterbugsmum

3rdnamechange I have these ones so much easier then clingfilm.

Me too

The kids aren't going to be permanently damaged by losing your temper after a tough day. They are niggling and pushing because they are uncertain and unsettled and without even knowing it they are testing out the boundaries they know, to make sure they are still there. You made it clear that they are, and that grown ups get emotional too. None of that is a bad thing. And of course you need breathing space. You will get to a better place, its just going to take some adjustment. Don't be too hard on yourself.

The argument is still ongoing...

Go the fuck to sleep and LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

I just want some privacy and space and to be able to chill out and finish all the myriad household tasks without an audience. They’ve bounced and bounced for half an hour. Wouldn’t do more and my pelvic floor can’t do more than 5 minutes!

As much as they need love and reassurance they all so need boundaries, keep on this you have got this,

It’s hard to switch mindset after so many years, but you absolutely can do this, as I’m learning for myself.
Not so sure about the trampolining, hope the dc enjoy it and burn off some energy!

You know it’s perfectly okay to have Mummy time too....

Last night was awful. She cried and cried and just kept on and on. She eventually caved into sleep at 11.30, just crumpled onto the side of my bed.

So she achieved what she wanted all along. I shouted so much and cried and feel bloody awful now. At one point I said I was going to sleep in the car I was so fed up. She actually said she wanted me to drive her down to daddy’s and stay there (he’ll just let her sleep in his bed so it turns every bedtime into an absolute battle for me)

All that, for nothing.

I’m going to try and move her. It won’t work, and she’ll end up back in my bed.

I can’t do it if she’s going to be like this. I mean, I can, of course I can, but I don’t know how.

She was so upset and nothing was working, but I’m not sitting on the end of her bed until she goes to sleep. I’m just not doing it.

How about set up a rewards chart with stickers and give her a goal of three weeks in her own bed, (uninterrupted) and she gets something she REALLY wants. (Draw a picture of it, or print it out Do three lines with seven boxes for stickers leading to the reward) I know it sounds babyish, but in times like this, they do regress a lot and need visual stimulus to chart progress.

Just de-lurking to offer some advice as I’ve got twins (10) and know how hard it can be.
Is there room for three beds in your room? Then you get a bed to yourself and they won’t have to get in yours cause they’re already with you.
They’re still little and have just been through a massive change so I would try a kinder (no offence) path.

Hey, good morning. I hope you got some sleep. The way you described the meltdown reminded me of my eldest at that age. I also lost it. Then the day after I remember saying to her "Well, that was a horrible night wasn't it. Let's not do that again " then lots of cuddles and hot chocolate and we talked through how to stop it happening again, how it felt when her emotions got out of control, and mine did... no blaming, just let her know how much she's loved and let her give ideas about how to recognize when she is getting out of control. We didn't fix anything, but we kept communicating.
I don't know if that helps, but I wanted to say that you're not alone!