The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

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How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

They're nearly 8. They have a chapter each a night and a solid bath, story, bedtime routine - i'm sticking to it, but they're getting up and monkeying around. I've pillow spray, they don't like it, but I might sneak some on there and see what happens!

It was 9pm last night. Means I'm not getting any downtime at all. Keep trying to put myself in their shoes. TBH Gellar is v v stressed and its winding me up, let alone them.

I'm talking to school tomorrow to see if they can go in, even a couple of days a week, on mental health grounds. There's so much going on for them and so many of the kids in their class are in and they're struggling with the homeschooling.

It'll take time with the dc and bedtime routines, they've had a big change and are back to pushing boundaries again. Don't let them come into your bed would be my only tip. No attention after lights out, stern 'back to bed' etc.

I think asch as anything it will take time for them to settle, and get used to their new normal. Consistency, kindness coupled with firmness, and just stick with it. Can't believe he dropped them back three hours early. Obviously it's about what's best for the kids, and if he can't cope then I can understand you want them with you, I would as well, so it's not like you're going to tell him no, you're not bringing the kids home. But I'd be making it firmly clear to him that he's going to need to learn to cope or be a lot more realistic about the split of care and resulting maintenance.

I found an electric blanket was wonderful to help mine settle years ago.

They loved getting into the hot bed and were loath to get out of it, once in.

Might be worth trying if you think the would enjoy it.

I think approaching the school is a great idea, especially as their father can't cope and is at risk of having a melt down himself!

I have to say that nearly 8 and a 9pm bedtime is not that bad... My DS has always been a brilliant sleeper and we complained to his consultant (he has ADHD) that it was getting really late and he wasn't asleep till 9 or after and the consultant said "stop trying to put him to bed at 7.30, it's fine at that age to be a bit later".

I just have to 🙄 at him returning them.

Next time her may have to abandon home school but he still needs to care for them at his FFS.

And this is the man that wanted 50:50?

I just have to 🙄 at him returning them.
Oh yes indeed. Why not find the last few hours of his time a good time to go to the supermarket/for a socially distanced walk/over to your support bubble?

Yes, I know it feels hard but Id be "uncontactable" and out of the house until hand over time.
Otherwise he will just walk all over any agreed contact time.

Bed times I got mine small battery powered fairy lights to put on the he headboards.

I had a bedtime routine and girls were in bed by 7:30. I didn’t mind them playing or reading for a while but lights were out at nine.

Sometimes I did let them sleep in my room, I had mattress on the floor and one would sleep in my bed.

I’d have little chats with them individually whilst tucking them into bed as well. It would be our time for five minutes each night.

It will take time for them (and you) to adjust.

He needs to learn now that he can’t just decide to return the kids three hours early. No wonder they are finding it tough. Start as you mean to go on. Be out of touch and out of the house when he has them. Tell him what he did was unacceptable and can’t happen again.

I assume you need time to work without disruption, and the kids are wound up after seeing Dad. Perhaps you should put it to him that if you don’t work, you don’t get paid. Therefore, you are going to discuss with your solicitor the possibility of compensation for lost income if he drops them off early on “HIS DAYS”. (That should nip that in the bud.) You should be allowed to plan around the entire time that he is responsible for the girls - (this involves one day in the magical distant future being able to make spontaneous trips out of the house to do fun things by yourself - or with others - not waiting around just in case he drops them off early. He is training you already.)

@Giraffey1

He needs to learn now that he can’t just decide to return the kids three hours early. No wonder they are finding it tough. Start as you mean to go on. Be out of touch and out of the house when he has them. Tell him what he did was unacceptable and can’t happen again.

This.

Geller, obviously has not grasped that you are separated and that it’s not YOUR job to pick up on his short falls. If he was finding home schooling tricky, surely he could of found something else for them to do? The fact is he couldn’t be bothered!

In the long term (as this lock down will be until March), just suggest to him that contact is EOW and one afternoon a week? I say this, as he’s just demonstrated that he can’t cope with them even for one day!

All PP suggestions for a calmer bed time are good. What about doing some massages with some lavender oil mixed in a carrier oil? Also, look into sleep inducing foods (do they like cherries?).

50/50 my arse!

Remember if you were out in an office, he would not be able to just offload when they were difficult.
Sharp learning curve for Diddums. It shows clearly that you have been primary parent & made up for all his short comings since Dds were born.
Make sure you are listing all these early returns etc. ultimately it is "evidence" if he starts trying to mess around with finances/& pensions

I wonder how he would react if you turned up on his doorstep on a work day and "dumped" the girls in him?? Perhaps ask him what he would do!!

It's going to end up being EOW contact at most isn't it oh and I can't see him using his annual leave to care for them in the school holidays because he "can't cope" with DD1 and she's the issue not him...

I was flipping through old Netflix (insomnia) and saw this.... My first thought was “I really hope that Ross doesn’t ever figure out how to work Clingfilm!”

Oh crap, I forgot to attach it!

Hello my lovelies, I’m back online. Does mean this is the longest post ever I’m afraid.

OmG @justilou1 that is terrifying!

In other clingfilm news, I see that Lakeland have brought out a compostable clingfilm. Much debate about whether it will fit the clingfilm machine, but apparently it is perforated every 30cm so no need for the widget. Surely the whole point of clingfilm is you can have as much or as little as you want? I’m all for the compost element mind.

Again on the clingfilm theme (sorry, can’t help it) my SIL uses glass jars for storing stuff in the fridge rather than cling - leftovers, all sorts. I thought I might try this with my nice Bonne Maman jars I am steadily amassing from my apricot jam addiction.

We have completed and he’s moved and it’s all done. The past 48 hours have been something of a rollercoaster. He got very emotional at the point of leaving yesterday and the last thing he said to me was ‘I can’t believe I’m not going to live here any more’

Interesting choice of words.

Girls have slept in their own beds with no messing the last 2 nights! I found some fairy lights (thank you whoever mentioned those) and their microwaveable teddies (warmed their beds like an electric blanket would do, kudos to that idea!) and popped pillow spray on and stretched bedtime later so they were knackered and...haven’t had a problem. Mind, they’ve been going to sleep at 10 and waking up at 8, so I’ve some adjusting to do BUT they’ve not been in my bed! The weather has been absolutely foul and we’ve been so busy they’ve not had much fresh air, certainly not as much as they would normally.

I managed to get the tv connected and working all by myself! Made me v pleased.

The trampoline arrives this morning. I suspect that will wear us all out 😂 me from assembling it, them from using it (god I hope my pelvic floor holds)

So school have come up with a very generous offer, but it feels a bit like Sophie’s choice. We can have one place every day, and they don’t mind which child attends. So we can do it week by week, or mix it up every day. DD2 is desperate to go back to school, DD1 is harder to manage at home. But having just one to homeschool will be amazing. Need to get it sorted out in my head.

Also need to get it sorted with Gellar. He feels we ‘need to support each other and understand how this will work’. I’m thinking, it’s not fucking rocket science. However it is slightly more complicated than it appears.

Gellar now lives 4 miles from school. 15 minutes drive. I live less than a mile. 2 minute drive, ten minutes walk.

School starts at 8.45 and finishes at 3. This is the same whether it is online or in person.

How do we do it so that whichever child not attending school doesn’t miss out on 10 minutes either end of the school day what with picking up or dropping off the other one? Or do we just go sod that, and suck it up?

Does whoever has them drop them, or should the other parent help out where possible to maximise schooling time? The first15 minutes, for example, they’re normally straight into a maths lesson, so it’s not like they’re sitting around twiddling their thumbs.

All ideas welcomed.

Oh, I know what I haven’t told you. I spoke to SHL and she’s filing my petition next week. Plus my dad has had his first vaccine and my mum is booked for hers, hurrah!

Phew. Think I’ll go make a cuppa after that epic scribe. Sorry it was so long.

Hooray you're back!! Good morning.

Well done with being fucking awesome. Re school what time is drop off? You should have time to get back in two minutes for which ever child is home schooling. His days HE will have to call school and explain about being a bit late and sort it out like a big boy no?

So glad everything is settling

Good morning! Bleddy well done you. The schooling will soon fall into a rhythm and don't worry about either of the girls missing out on top or tail of the day. My kids fought all the time so I put them in separate schools which was a bit of a headache but necessary.

They will fit in with whatever works best for you, and they'll soon get into the swing of it. Such weird times we're living in and I suspect it will be good for your DDs to get some individual time away from each other.

I have two mixing and matching and one has SEN and school anxiety (though I have another parent).
DS who has SEN was off for a week self isolating and it was hellish getting him back the first Monday. He bit me. So I would NOT do week and about. I'd pick 3 days for DT1 and 2 for DT2 if it was me.
We have a school run and home learning some days and if DD misses the first video they don't worry about that. Ours is only a chat about the learning that day. But don't they record it anyway? Or could they (they must get you can't watch it while being on the school run!).

In the grand scheme of the world right now I couldn't get excited about 2-15mins. I would just go with the most achievable pattern and adapt as needs.

Given G's controlling nature, I wouldn't be handing him the gift of making yourself and your entire daily schedule dependent on him coordinating pick-up and drop-off for one child while you homeschool the other by trying to use your more complex possible solution. He might get drunk on the power. He will almost definitely drop you in it.

It certainly was an interesting choice of words on his part. But how exciting that you've come so far and are starting to settle in your new place.

His days are HIS problem, not yours. If he fucks up, you tell the lawyers. You know full-well, it’s going to be EOW (if that) very shortly, anyway. His attempts at being “reasonable” involve you seeing reason and facilitating him as usual. Ignore. Do what you need to do, maybe explain to the teacher that you expect it will take him a while to sort his shit out, but he’s going to have to put on his big boy pants and get used to the new reality like everyone else, and document every time he’s late, etc.