The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

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How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

Oh bless him. That's just not how it works is it? Are the kids supposed to manage on fresh air? His failure to plan shouldn't have to impact on the girls, and you're no longer obliged to pick up the slack for him.

A polite email back, something along the lines of 'I feel it is important we get off on the right foot regarding maintenance, and that we keep in mind that this is money that you are paying to provide for the girls. How you prioritise your finances is irrelevant to me, however I am not obliged to sub you when you fail to plan accordingly in order to meet your own financial obligations. I will expect the money in my account by 5pm/ 6 weeks payment on 1st February'

He really doesn't understand what has happened does he?

Can we stop all the "bless him, poor lamb, he doesn't understand" comments? I know we are taking the piss out of him, but it also perpetuates the myth that he's a harmless incompetent idiot.

He is not, he knows exactly what he's doing, and it's just a continuation of his control and financial abuse of Polly and the children.

katmarie is right, this will only reoccur (ad nauseam),
I would add to post above, if he is going to play games on DAY 3 then you will get it collected by CMS, then won't have to worry about his failure to contribute to the girls food/heating etc.

I agree with PP. Get CMS involved now. He's already pushing back on things, and otherwise he's likely to mess around with payment amounts and/dates depending on his whims.

What @katmarie said. Keep saying it’s for the girls, that they shouldn’t suffer because of his failure to organise his finances.

@Catmaiden, you are absolutely right of course. Hes a grown adult and knows exactly what he is doing, what his responsibilities are and why his children no longer live with him. And if he doesn't he bloody well should do.

Just delurking to say well done, sounds like your new home is lovely. I wouldn't be replying about the nail clippers at all. If he pesters then when you see him maybe something brief about how "oh, I thought you knew which shops were open?" and nothing more.
Re the dinner - repeat when you'll be dropping them off.

I would be careful about getting CMS involved at such an early stage. They're a bit of a nightmare to deal with and if a man wants to be awkward about it, it will just add another level of stress you could do without.

Of course if he continues to prevaricate, then that's a different matter.

I suppose you could twist it a bit on him and instead of yes or no just reply am I to understand that if our girls did live with you you wouldn’t be feeding them between now and February? Make him respond rather than you have to do the reacting.

Hope your first "normal day" went OK Polly!

Getting the hang of this sleeping malarkey. 11-6! Mind you, the bottle of bubbly helped - we exchanged yesterday! Did a couple of boxes last night but mainly sat on the sofa gossiping with friends.

Been a lot going on. We had a zoom yesterday with DD1’s consultant, lovely lady whom I had previously emailed to explain what is going on so I didn’t have to go into in in front of DD. Whilst on the call, she told Gellar in no uncertain terms that DD is not autistic, amongst other things. She also told DD that and talked to her about not taking responsibility for the actions of grown ups as ‘it’s up to others how they manage their reactions and responses, we all take responsibility for our own behaviour’ she’s fantastic 😃

Remembered to put the bins out last night, tick! Gradually sorting change of address.

I acted all bemused yesterday when we spoke and said ‘but what about the children’ in a very confused way and then mentioned that I had to go as I was about to speak to SHL (I wasn’t). Guess what landed in my bank account moments later?!

So he found the money, inexplicably.

He is despicable.

Well done OP, sounds like you're rocking the none confrontational, confrontation

I found that dealing with my ex was far easier over the phone than text. We'd get into these lose lose text battles, but if I actually spoke to him it was far easier, and he was a whole lot less aggressive. As you did, tone of voice could be heard over the phone and I could 'pretend' not to understand what he meant when I needed to.

I’ve found putting them on loud speaker a lot easier. Allows me to take notes. Or just pour myself a large gin.

But understand it’s not so easy with little ones about.

Utterly despicable.
Definitely make a note for your SHL of this attempted stunt by him.
Well handled.

I'm so glad your daughter's consultation went well.
Hopefully this new calm space will help her feel better about herself.

Polly you are absolutely rocking this, I know it’s rather trite but I’m so proud of how you’re handling your ex and everything else too!

He certainly behinds pretending he is x y z as and when suits him doesn't he?

Helpless, penniless, incapable of looking after the DC...

Makes me wonder what else he's faked during your relationship.

Go you! And you remembered to put bins out, more than I did today and I don't have to deal with moving and a Gellar. You are amazing

DDs consultant sounds absolutely awesome. I wonder if what she said just washed over Geller though. I hope it makes him think about his behaviour.

Adult of the year goes to:- Polly
She has singlehandedly proved that she never needed Geller by taking the bins out by herself, which was undoubtedly the only job he ever did. This undoubtedly involved hours of nagging (her) and sighing (him) and moaning (him) then hanging around waiting for his medal and blowjob (him)....
Soooooo not worth it.
Then there was the whole doctor thing... Knocked him right out of the park!!!!
Aces, @StuckInPollyannaMode, Aces!!!

yes, make a note of when he pays, doesn't pay, asks not to pay, suddenly pays. You can be sure to get this all the time.
Maybe you should tell him to set up a standing order & put it in his column of outgoings, like the elec bill. that way he won't forget or have to make excuses lie that he has been caught short.

I acted all bemused yesterday when we spoke and said ‘but what about the children’ in a very confused way and then mentioned that I had to go as I was about to speak to SHL (I wasn’t). Guess what landed in my bank account moments later?!

Well handled 🌟

How the...ahem...tummy troubles ?

Well done op

Tummy troubles ongoing, but I am sleeping much better... slightly interrupted when the kids come through. Any tips on settling children in new rooms / houses much appreciated. They suddenly seem really unsettled. Lots of 'I miss Daddy' at bedtime then coming through saying they're scared.

DD1 had an epic meltdown whilst homeschooling yesterday. He couldn't cope so turned up on my doorstep with them. 3 hours early.

I'm going to struggle to post again before the weekend - fear not, I've not disappeared - I"m out of data before I get my broadband!

Tips for settling unsettled children - nightlights. Rigid routine at bedtime. I found lavender epsom salts baths really helped. As did rescue remedy, and I also put a pillow spray on their pillows. I can't remember how old your children are, but what about reading a chapter of a book together each night? And of course, everything you're doing, lots of hugs and cuddles, letting them talk it out, finding things that are positive about the new situation, while acknowledging the things they are not enjoying.