The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

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How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

He can't cope with DD1 stomping, so the answer is that he comes and sits in your house!!!!!!
How about the answer is that he leaves her, and you, in peace to get on with it?

Oh, yes, make it very clear he is NOT coming inside your house, regardless of the reasons he makes up comes up with.

Yes, I also think now is the time to make it Crystal Clear he is not coming in your house.

What a complete Tosser, did she hear the "autistic" comment ? Has he verbally abused her again ? She probably needed calm guidance & as he gets frustrated & insulting, what a great combo....
What are your parents supposed to do ? were they teachers? head masters ???? What on earth ? off loading again because he is an unfit parent...... I would go for the jugular, but you are SO much better than I am !
He must not EVER come & sit in your house, watching you help home school, what would that achieve?

4 MORE SLEEPS !

Good grief! Well done for not responding that if he didn't needlessly interfere with what she's doing she wouldn't get frustrated. I'm sure it wouldn't help the situation but I don't think I could have resisted!

Oh dear. Seems like it's dawning on Geller that you'll never have to sit in the same room with him ever again. And there's absolutely nothing he can do about it.

Never. Again.

I wish I was day away from leaving my husband, good luck to you life your best life 😘

I can’t believe what a tool he is, the fact he thinks he can come to your new place every other day is ridiculous! It sounds like he’s panicking a bit as it’s becoming real now and he’s realising he can’t cope with the kids on his own.

You are doing so well, I hope the next few days go quickly for you. Not long left 😊

Actually, I don't think his email is too bad. (Please don't think I'm minimising what a Ross he is in many, many other ways...!)

From your DD1's POV, it would be awful if she had to sit with him for half the time, with him blowing up after 15 mins each time. It's good that he's acknowledging he can't do it, and has tried to suggest some solutions. They may not suit you, but he's not leaving it totally up to you to solve.

You may have sorted this out by now, but .....
Does DD have a tendency to strop with Pollyana too though? or is this uniquely because H is impatient & explosive ?
He has called DD autistic & needs Pollyana to babysit him rather than staying calm & try & help DD understand/ learn to work alone on her coursework.
If he can't do it, is there actually a possibility of her going to school ? Would she like to go to school or consider it a punishment ?
It seems unproductive for Polly to be at home schooling DD1, & DD2 to him. (while DD2 is more autonomous, & doesn't need to go there?)
What is the distance between these two properties ? DD2 probably won't want to go on her own.
Is this actually a ruse to say we have DDs half each, therefore it's 50/50 so no CMS ?
Is he mismanaging DD2 to get you to do all the home schooling as he doesn't like or want to do it ?
Is it feasible for you to do all the homeschooling & work ?

It seems to me like your husband is loosing that last element of control and he can't deal with it. He's setting up new rules to keep you all together under his watch under the loose guise that he's doing this because he's "concerned about the child". He's going to get the shock of his life when he's left on his own.

Sounds like DD is standing up to Geller, perhaps... he’s used to women being meek and submissive. (Until recently, anyway...)

I can manage DD1.

He and DD1 wind each other up something chronic. It can be extremely frustrating (she had another meltdown this morning) and I freely admit I can be very wound up by it too. But I work very hard not to.

I can do most of the homeschooling. I did it last time. It's mostly manageable. But he now wants to help, but then it goes a bit wrong.

She's a perfectionist who struggles when things don't go her way - sound familiar? She's under the doctor, as they say, she's been tested for autism and doesn't have it. we had horrendous problems with self harming and lashing out and aggression last year (don't want to get into it too much)

On top of all this, we've got major problems with the house sale. Now looking like it won't go through. He's saying he will stay in the house and buy me out, and wants me to suggest how he could do this.

Also, he spoke to his divorce solicitor yesterday afternoon, so was in an absolutely foul mood when I was practically on my knees after a long day of home schooling. Apparently he is going to make me a 'proposal' about child maintenance.

I suspect he's been told he has to pay it and to stop being silly.

I wish I could go to sleep and wake up with it all sorted. House is like a bloody bombsite, he's on the ceiling, kids are climbing the walls, fun fun FUN!

"He's saying he will stay in the house and buy me out, and wants me to suggest how he could do this."

That's not how it works, is it? I thought the major benefit of divorce is that you don't have to sort this stuff for him.

I am picturing you with your hands on your hips parroting back like a six year old being a smartarse, “I don’t know, you tell me...!”

The house sale isn't your problem, it's his. You've already done the adulting and sorted out your housing. And yes, let him make a proposal about maintenance but don't accept anything at face value until you have had full financial disclosure from him.

I still reckon your DD will settle a lot when she is no longer living in the same house with him. Keep counting down the days, soon you will be living in a peaceful home with your DDs and without him.

Shock horror you may have to cash in some of i hi is pensions...

Either he has the dosh or he doesn't.
You require half (?) of the equity, it's that simple.

Probably more than half the equity, if she is main carer for the children!

Let the finances be decided via solicitors/court, don't get sucked into discussing it with him, yet again.
He's an emotional vampire, and he's trying to control and upset you, yet again.

to be honest, whatever you offered he would be horrified at, so Id refer him back to the solicitors who know all the 'rules' as to how things get divided up.
Im not really sure Id want to be relying on him coming up with the readies to buy you out either, I can see him stalling and dragging it out or arguing about every last penny

On TOP of everything else, my jasmine cuttings haven’t worked.

They just went moldy.

Mouldy?

Oh no, you still have time to try some more cuttings though. I think Monty Don says that a lot of cuttings are 50 50 whether they will succeed, even for experts. Did you try any rooting powder? Dh swears by it and he's had some success with it to be fair.

As far as the house goes, someone on the previous thread suggested the phrase 'that sounds like a you problem'. I think it applies to Geller here. You've sorted your place, and are making the arrangements to move. If he wants to take ownership of the family home then that's his problem to sort. Not a good look for him though is it? Wife and kids so unhappy that they would leave the family home while he smugly stays put there. Still it would be familiar for the kids if they do visit.

I moved house a couple of weeks ago. The build-up is a total nightmare nail-biting hideous ball of stress. You're right in the middle of that with a big dollop of divorce on top. Don't underestimate the pressure you're under right now, but it WILL be over very soon.

The day before/day of/day after moving is the summit of the stress hill, then it all drops off... you start moving into your new reality.

Hang on in there. This is a really tough time, but it'll be over soon and it is SO worth it. You are SO worth it.

Massive fist bump high five with all of us wearing riot gear armour on your behalf.

He needs to learn that his problems aren’t your problems. Lots of ‘oh dear, I’m sure you’ll sort it’ type comments may be needed!