The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Previous thread

How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

Also been following from the start, you are doing amazingly well.

Your husband is a horror saying that to your children. My mother once told me that all her problems were my fault and that she wished she'd never had me, I was 10 I think, and I've never forgotten it. I lost any respect for her at that moment. Your children won't forget what he has said to them, please make sure they are getting the support to reassure them that they are not responsible for any of it so that those awful words don't leave a lasting impact. Mention that outburst to your kids therapist so they can maybe help them work through any worries they have. Honestly, I hate him on your kids behalf, I don't know if he has the awareness to understand the cruelty of what he has done.

Mum favourite quote for this part of my life was

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.”

Your girls will be fine you know. I’m 12 years past the leaving bit and my DC are amazing. I was single for a long time afterwards (twatface said I’d never find anyone like him.... thank GOD why the hell would I want to?).

The period after I got rid of ex was amazing, my girls and I built our own world and did whatever made us happy. I also got piercings and went out with friends and got takeaways (none of which was allowed when I was married).

My DC are excelling at college and school now, my eldest was on the debate team, they both were selected to attend the royal institute maths master classes and both are aspiring to go to university to do really amazing courses. This sounds like bragging, but my girls were timid terrified little mice when I was married to twatface. They’d cry a lot and were clingy and both I’m deeply ashamed to say were terrified of men, my eldest was so bad she’d have panic attacks when a male teacher had a lesson with with her class (that same teacher later became her favourite teacher).

Make a bucket list of everything you want to do and have that trip to South America top of it. And bloody do it.

Sometimes when you’re living it and the abuse slowly ramps up its down so subtly you don’t recognise it for what it is until it’s really bad.

Stay safe, you’ve got this.

My not mum

I always take heart from the opening song in an episode of Disney’s The Little Mermaid when Ariel lifts herself up onto the rock and says...

“It’s going to be wonderful Flounder!”

You just know then all a girl needs is a fish tail and a small coloured fish to keep the world in order.

Life is too short to tolerate people

Make that your mantra and change people for his name

[quote Ringsender2]@MisfitNotMissFit I remember your threads from the time. Great to hear that things are so improved x[/quote]
Thanks Ringsender - things are better than I could ever have imagined. The current Mr Misfit, who I met after being single for a year, is still on probation (it's been 14 months 😂), but he's absolutely everything Doom Dad wasn't. My surly teens like him a lot, as does the pre-teen and I really do think the feeling is mutual. And it's so freeing being with someone who doesn't make you feel second best.

Pollyanna will get to her happy place soon abs will be as rapturous as I am to the next woman who is going through what we did

OMG. I have had the most stressful morning ever. How I'll have any clients left after months of homeschool I don't know!

Anyway we are all ok.

Gellar is so shortsighted. Half the problem is the tech. He won't spring for laptops for them each. It would make my life so much easier. But no, he wants to focus on the fact that he wants a new ipad once he's moved.

We went round and round in circles on that last night. Oh, and the fact that he says I will need to help him move furniture so he can decorate. Erm, NOPE.

I loved the story of your DH taking the clingfilm out of the press @MadameMiggeldy - I know full well what a press is, I'm a huge Maeve Binchy / Sheila O'Flanagan fan - I used to want to move to Ireland just so I had one (til I figured out what it was!).

Keep on buggering on.

Also love the Invictus poem, not seen that before.

Now I'm trying to pack the house whilst homeschooling the kids and skidding lightly over my lack of actual work.

Is it too early for gin?!

I have told him I'm not doing the last session of mediation.

Loving all the stories of freedom afterwards - really hoping that's the case here too!

Takeaways also banned here. Mind you there's no need, the fridge is groaning with food.

He is so fucking miserly!!!

How can he not buy the DDs a laptop get wants the latest iPad himself. He is utterly selfish.

Whilst I disagree with humouring Gellar this might be a cash conscious enough solution for him and or you for laptop provision. DH used them earlier in the year for cheap pcs and they were very good.

www.computerrecyclersuk.com/shops/eligible-laptop.html

He has a functioning iPad. Surely in view of the homeschooling the children need a tablet more than he does.
Tell him re furniture... he will gave to ask a mate !!! 🤣 (he has none)

Have

I'd just buy another laptop. You don't need his permission and it doesn't have to be super expensive (certainly compared to an iPad ... and some good deals around). You will end up doing it anyway. Do you have a joint account it can come out of? Best now, before you separate money.

If no joint account, half will still come out of his money eventually once you add the marital pots to divide, iyswim.

Until our finances were decided, I always considered that xh was paying half of what ever I bought!

He still seems to think you are his lackey to do what he wants.

Once you've sorted out tech for home schooling please keep it at your house and he will have to sort something out for his place.

If you can, just buy a new laptop for the girls. And yes to doing it from joint money, not yours!

And tinkly laugh/head tilt/are you on glue? to doing anything for him, at all

He's such a prick.

For you, @StuckInPollyannaMode

www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=l50L4GYhpLc

Rodney Atkins' If You're Going Through Hell. Kept me dancing through many a hellish time

Urgh he's such a twat isn't he

@34steps - I rather like Rodney Atkins . Not bad eye candy to go with my morning tea.

@StuckInPollyannaMode - other posters are right... if the finances are split, then he’ll be paying half of everything from now on. And you’ll be paying half of his, too.

Get the girls decent IT for their schooling. They need it... rather than Geller who’d like a bit of an upgrade...

Hang on in there, girl!

Jesus what a prize arse. I would document it with solicitor that he won’t provide laptops for the children for homeschooling.

If you like Sheila Flanagan and Maeve Binchy you might also like Ciara Geraghty. Marian Keyes-esque in tone.

Decent laptops for homeschooling are vital at the moment. Is he incapable of putting anyone before himself?

If he got them laptops they'd think of him everytime they used them ... even if he wasn't there

Just buy it from joint funds. You say very nicely that you were wondering what the courts would think of a father who prioritised upgrading his iPads over ensuring his children can do their schoolwork in these COVID times, and you decided to protect him from being judged that way. Perhaps add very sweetly no need to thank me, i just want what’s best for our children.

I agree with previous posters who say that you should buy laptops out of joint money, apart from that nod and ignore his madness about you helping. He's a tit but may learn to be a real human with experience. Or not, either way not your fault or problem

Or get it noted by email that he is refusing to pay for essential equipment for DDs but intends to upgrade his iPad ( the most expensive of all tablets?) then win some points with the judge & get half back.
Plus its another reason to not to go to mediation... he is entirely selfish QED.

Just make everything a deal. Sure I'll help you with your furniture if you buy the girls the essential laptops that they need for schooling. No such thing as a free lunch so he can ask but you have an ask in return. It's an easy concept for him to grasp no doubt and most men like a bit of a barter.

Don't forget to ask for more than you need/want so there's room for you to be 'bartered down'. He sounds like the kind of man who likes a bargain and to feel like he's won. It's his Achilles heel if you think about it.

And it might be amusing to make random shit that you don't even want up just so that he feels like he's getting a good deal. Because it seems like a good deal compared to your original requests.

Ah it's all done with mirrors and string as they say.

Oh and I HIGHLY recommend a book called never split the difference by an ex fbi hostage negotiator. It's absolute gold. I got an audiobook (unusual for me) which is a good way to do it. Take notes and practice each chapter as you go.