Weirdly that was a summarised version - there are sooo many other things that he did that took my breath away when trying to mesh them back to the man I married and was with for such a long time - including threats, actual blackmail and all sorts of lies that he told mutual friends to make me out to be the bad guy.
Advice regarding mediation - I got to a point when I realised I didn't need to explain or justify my position to him any more. It threw him if I'm honest. Outside of the house I was this smart, intelligent, funny and forthright person, but at home I went with the easiest option to stop him from huffing/swearing/grumping etc. Water finds the easier route and that was me - easiest route regardless of how I had to explain myself out of things I had agreed to just to keep him happy. You're almost at this stage, this divorce is going to happen and if you don't want to do mediation, then in all honesty what can he do? Be a huffy, dramatic wanker? He's already there and you have nothing to lose by stating your position. Stating, not explaining.
My brother, who lives far far away, upon finding out what was happening in my battles (from my mum) said "he's in for a surprise, Misfit has claws and she's never used them on him". That made laugh, because it was true, I'd always put him first.
My mantra -"what's the worst that can happen?" Did I want to spend another 20 odd years eventually caring for a selfish, utterly self absorbed, man child, or did I want to raise my kids to be confident in speaking up for themselves and challenging the status quo. Absolutely not. I'm not perfect and my eldest has recently highlighted that I perhaps don't ask how things are going in a caring enough way when they are going through the usual teenage angst stuff - but I highlighted at heart, I'm a fixer not a fluffy. Tell me what's wrong and I'll help fix it, I won't stroke your hair and tell you it'll be fine if I don't know it will. I also mentioned that if I been a fluffy, it's likely I wouldn't have had the courage to make the decision to split and we'd still be living under the shadow of Doom Dad and his cloud of miserableness.
Maybe another mantra would be - don't believe a word that falls out of his mouth from now on. My ex changes tack and rewrites history probably as often as he changes his pants. Work out what you can do on your own and base your lifestyle on that. Anything that he then provides after that (like maintenance etc.) is then a bonus. Have you had copies of his pension transfer values yet? Given the missing money, it's a given his pension pot(s) will be pretty good and you're entitled to half - as was my ex and I work for a pension company. This man, who refused to ever put his own wages into a pension (despite my many discussions with him) is now benefitting from over £70k of my pension - so don't be fooled into thinking it's a "little woman" grab or whatever. You're entitled to it, so take it.
Remember, you've come this far, don't stop now even when it feels like it might be the best/easiest option. You're almost at the end of the tunnel and the destination is worth the wait.