The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Previous thread

How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

Is his Mum local enough for him to go for several days as in

"You clearly need a break from me and the girls"

OP,
So sorry, that must have been terrifying for you, not to mind the children.

Please log this incident with the police.
You need to do this.
He is not stable and he is realising he is no longer in control.

Men who are no longer in control can be dangerous.

I think you have a duty of care to your daughter's to be proactive here and log your address.

He is now drinking.

It really would be better for ye if he could leave the house.

Your daughter's will never forget the scene tonight, despite your best efforts.

Please reach out for support but ring the police and log this terrifying incident.

He’s stopped drinking after one glass.

Expects me to come down and sit with him for another glass after kids bedtime.

Not happening

I have a friend who is a police officer, I will ask his advice.

He can expect til the cows come home, who the bloody hell does he think he is. Why would you want to do anything with a glass of wine with that pillock other than throw it in his face? And that's a waste of good wine.

Good thinking about the police officer.

I'm sorry, I'm most probably catastrophising, but I just think about the statistic that it's most dangerous for a woman just before they leave. . .

He is EXPECTING?!?! Whoooooah Nelly!!! He can hold his breath!!! What an abusive, gaslighting knobend!!! Definitely call your friend AND Women’sAid!

What a horribly horribly cruel thing to say to his children. Pollyanna I don't really have any advice, other than just show your kids as much love and affection as you possibly can. He has pulled their foundation out from under them, it must be so upsetting for them and for you. If he won't leave, can you take the children and go somewhere for a couple of weeks? And please let your solicitor know exactly what he said to them and to you. Hopefully your solicitor is a rottweiler, and can help you protect your children.

OP,

I appreciate this is very hard for you.

Definitely speak to your friend.

But if you read again what you wrote, his behaviour is just dreadful.

Your children are so innocent but he has chosen to burden them with the knowledge that they are responsible for your marriage breaking up.

Truly abusive.
So damaging.
They will never forget this.

He has crossed a huge line.

He is absolutely abusive go those children.

God knows what he is capable of saying when you will not be around.

I strongly recommend that you log this as you never know when you will want proof of his disregard for his children.

Marriages break up.
It happens.

People move on.

What he has done tonight is not acceptable.

If you log this, you have proof.

You don't have to tell him about it.

However, when you have separated and living in separate homes, what you can do is tell him that his behaviour tonight has been logged with the police and if he ever behaves similarly again, in front of your children, you will act decisively.

Your children need protection from a man who has so little regard for their hearts.

Just awful.
Children absorb and carry so much.
Adults lie to themselves, selfishly on this score.

He can fottfsofs
And then fosm
Cunt.
Your poor children, and you

What an absolute prick, how dare he try to place the blame on your girls! Honestly not sure how you didn’t just turn around and tell them that clearly the reason is the one spewing bollocks at them. Twat - him not you obvs

I think his behaviour is that of a desperate man. You have stood firm and resolute and he didn't expect that and now he is realising that the split is final, this is happening and he's no control so he's out of control. Can you go somewhere for two weeks? He's doing untold damage to the girls and saying things they will never forget. I would log his outburst with the police and have grave concerns if he has contact in the future without it being supervised until he's able to keep the adult issues separate to that of him being a dad.

Oh Polly, you are so, so close to freedom and he knows it. Could you pack him off to his mum?

Is it too late to add it to the unreasonable behaviour? Raging shouting at the children that their behaviour is why you are breaking up? No more mediation for sure.

Morning all

I managed to get some sleep. Broken up. I slept with both the girls in my bed - tried to put them to bed and they just cried. So we all snuggled up together, and after a chapter of Harry Potter and a look through the travel section of the Times to plan our fantasy holiday (they’re keen on a 30 day tour of South America 😂) they fell asleep and they’re still spark out.

He was up several times in the night - lights were on and I could hear him moving around.

He admits he flipped and lost it. But that he is staying here. His mum is over 200 miles away, she just makes him worse anyway.

Been waiting for a reasonable time to message my friend. Will let you know what they say. Good idea about adding it to the divorce petition.

I will email my solicitor when I have pulled out of mediation and can send over all the documentation together - expecting a revised financial statement from the mediator. The gloves are really off now.

I’m going up to the house today to sign the contract. The irony.

You poor things! What a rough trot! I’m so pleased you’re planning adventures. Seems like the best thing to do!!! I think calling your friend is very smart.

She wants me to log it, it’s emotional abuse. There’s more but the fact that I’m concerned about reporting it is a massive red flag. That if I don’t I can’t use it in court.

I feel sick.

Big hugs

You do need to log it. This is the man that insists he wants 50:50 yet emotionally terrorises them, subjects them age inappropriate draconian rules etc.

He is so used to behaving how he wants without consequence.

I agree that you need to log it. It also needs to be in your divorce petition. And your DDs will find it useful to have it on the record when the time comes that they are able to decide whether or not they want contact with him at all. Most of all your STBX needs to learn that behaviour has consequences.

Definitely log it.

They won’t laugh at me will they? Or turn up? He’d go nuts.

Sadly Polly they'll have heard it all before. No one is in immediate danger so I doubt they'd want to come over. Or they might to get a statement from you and see what he has to say? Would scare the crap out of him and make your remaining time in this house much more pleasant I would think!

Most likely they'll understand that you need to have it on record for court proceedings and at most contact him for a response. The repercussions for him aren't your concern though. Sorry your having to deal with this, stay strong. 👍

*you're 🙄 ffs.

Oh darling, please do it. You were dealing with the short-term fallout with your kids last night. Your divorce is the consequence of the long-term fallout of the same treatment of you. Do you want this to continue for them? It will get worse as they grow and develop their personalities and opinions. He will crush them like bugs.

He has just come and apologised again. He is worried that I will stop him seeing the girls. I have said that I would be a lot happier if he was seeing a therapist or doing an anger management course and that he needs to get a handle on his temper.

Eldest DD very wobbly today, unsurprisingly

Please do it - police and WA. And your solicitor of course. I know its hard but for your daughters' sake - it may well help them be heard if they wish to choose to spend less time with him in future.
If he goes nuts he goes nuts. If you don't feel safe, could you have a grab bag ready and stay with a friend for a few days?

If he goes nuts then it shows he does need immediate professional help perhaps just short contact with the DDs.