The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Previous thread

How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

Aw, poor diddums actually has to manage being an adult!

My almost 20yo DD has in the past 18 months managed to find an off campus rental, sort out utilities and council tax exemptions for her and her friend, manage repairs to their broadband, including refunds for lack of service, and has studied for a degree and worked a volunteer job. All at the same time. Your useless specimen of humanity could learn from that. Mind you, he could probably learn a lot about being a decent human being from your DDs.

He’s deluded.

I think a massive IKEA trio is needed

The IKEA linen sets are lovely too - although the colours are not perfect (I like all white) but look at their PUDERVIVA. I have the yellow, and it's a bit more mustardy than I'd like, but it is gorgeous to sleep in. Just lovely. And it gets softer each wash. I think I may splurge on another set.

I also like La Redoute for bed linen. I only buy 100% cotton (even looking at polycotton makes my skin itch - I am the original Princess & the Pea), and La Redoute does it at really good prices if you get their sale prices. La Redoute is overpriced for its quality at their "normal" prices, but they're permanently running sales, so just browse and pounce when what you want is reduced.

Happy new year folks. Here’s to the end of 2020, an unutterably shit year for many of us. Thank you all for your support. It means more to me that I can say.

I wish us all health, happiness and inner peace in 2021.

Happy New Year, and what a year it's going to be for you and your kids! Just a little more pain for a hell of a lot of gain!

Sounds like he's fantasising about fucking off far away from any responsibility.

And he thinks that would punish everyone... bahahahaha! I go back to my previous “He’s deluded statement.”

Happy New Year 🥳

He’s ricocheting between he’s going to give up the new house and snapping at me about packing so we’re out in time. Ironic given that most of the crap isn’t mine, I’d dealt with it already.

He’s booked Monday off to look after the kids for their first inset day (I have them on the Tuesday). Apparently I mustn’t expect to be able to do a full days work as there is only so much he can do to keep them occupied. Conversely, on the Tuesday, he’s on calls solidly so could I keep the children quiet.

Really starting to panic now about the school closing. I can cope, so long as I can move. I can do it, if we’re in our new place.

Gellar has said if that happens then he will ask to be part time furloughed so he can help with schooling

Ahahahahahaha. Yeah, right.

Kids also getting a bit antsy. Mainly because he keeps on and on doomsdaying.

I can do nothing about it, the only thing I can control is my reaction to it all.

House still in post Christmas chaos. I took down the tree and all the decs yesterday and hoovered - with a thumping hangover - he didn’t lift a finger, as it was my choice to put them up.

17 days to go. Have put the bedding hunt on hold, I can’t make any decisions. Just need to get there.

Oh OP, you can get there. It's 2.5 weeks, it will be gone soon enough, even though it feels like a lifetime right now. By the end of the month you will be in your own space and breathing freely. Everyone here is cheering you on, you have got this, you will prevail!

I assume you can't get the keys any earlier?

May I suggest that you get lovely bedding delivered to a shop nearby? (I don’t know what they call it in Uk, but safe storage point for parcel delivery. Pretty sure you know what I mean....) You can swing past on move-in day or just before or whenever and pick up lovelies and MARK YOUR TERRITORY! I am picturing Geller in his own house with kids going wild, looking for you (not there) saying, “Where’s the can opener?” Or something vitally important, but far too mundane and wifey for him to have ever considered. Kids will be miserable and asking to be returned to mummy and pudding him off. Literally setting the scene.

Well it all furthers your point about his uninvolved parenting until now. And he's really not doing himself or the kids any good being so miserable, but it's not like he'd listen if you told him to buck up so you just need to get through it.

Give yourself some headspace to deal with the things you need to deal with in the here and now. Bedding is nice but not urgent, and can be a decision to look forward to when you are ready, not a chore to be done right now. Focus on you and the kids and getting through the next 17 days.

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Keep the faith. One foot in front of the other. I did a similar thing to you, but moved out giving him no notice at all. (Had tried previously and had been sucked back in...)

You only have to do this ONCE. it’s hugely stressful, and drains you... but it’s only ONCE. Then you can bolt the front door of your new place and wonder how tf you found the strength to get yourself there!

I found it useful to create a Pinterest page, and paste on either actual things, or just moods, colours etc that I wanted in my rental. If I had a few moments, I’d either add something, or just scroll through all the stuff that was going to be part of my ‘new life’. I started with pics of dogs....

My DBro gave me some advice which was to keep looking out, past the shit, the lawyers, the letters etc, and have some longer term goals for when you are truly free.

I, too, have become an expert in luxury item procurement!

TKMaxx, Wilco, Argos, Dunhelm and IKEA are your friends.

StuckInPollyannaMode delurking to say keep calm and carry on - your escape pod is within reach. Sounds like his (inflated/deluded) view of himself is going to hit reality soon with quite a bump.
Also another vote for Dunelm bedding lots of high thread cotton at reasonable prices

Home schooling !🤣 sure thing, he wouldn't last a day without shouting at them.
In the mean time, Ignore him, go through your wardrobe/pantry/coat room & do a mega cull.
When i move i find there is always so much stuff moved that should really have gone to charity shop.
Old clothes that dont fit/shoes i don't wear, out of date jam etc.
You can keep busy,
One day closer every day !

I keep thinking that you are going to get screwed over with clothing when girls go to Dad’s too. He’s not going to do washing, is he? Make sure to provide absolute minimum. Don’t let them take expensive items. (Of any kind). He will want them stored at his place (to keep them safe, of course....) He certainly won’t buy or replace lost items.

Actually sort through the DDs clothes and give him a third.

Behold, a soon-to-be-ex-husband panicking at the notion of having to parent on his own.

Happy new year! You're close enough to be shouting "land ho!"

It’s all gone hideously wrong.

Just before dinner eldest DD had a meltdown. He absolutely lost control. Slammed cutlery down and just shouted and shouted.

He told the girls their behaviour is what has caused this family to break up. And then asked them if they wanted him to leave.

Honestly it was like a scene out of a soap. I just couldn’t stop the bile pouring out of his mouth, no matter how much I pleaded.

I said it is unforgivable what he has said. I have apologised to the girls. He took his dinner upstairs and I forced some down in front of the kids. I have reassured them and cuddled them.

He came down after dinner and said he’s not going anywhere. That we can get through the next 2 weeks.

I have said I won’t throw him out but that I do not know if we can live in the same house for another 2 weeks. He has apologised profusely. I told him it’s too late. That I’m so angry I can barely look at him.

He’s got wine now and is talking normally to the kids and has apologised to them too. He’s now playing games with the girls like nothing has happened.

Fuck mediation. He will be served with divorce papers next week and my lawyer can deal with it all.

His loss of temper was terrifying. He’s scared himself I think. (Don’t worry, I feel quite safe and will not hesitate to leave if needed)

Can I make him attend counselling or something in the order? I’m worried if he loses his temper again and I’m not there.

I can’t get the keys any earlier.

He gave me the girls passports earlier.

I need to just focus on keeping busy as you all say. Just sort and pack, sort and pack.

Huge hugs

He simply cannot accept his behaviour/attitude is a huge reason for the divorce.

Hence blaming you, blaming the DC.

That is appalling. That is emotionally and verbally abusive to his children, and must have been terrifying. Apologising isn't good enough. Will never be good enough for the vicious poison in those words to those poor children.

I'm wondering about ringing Womensaid? Because it's not necessarily up to him whether he leaves or not (he should be dossing down under a bridge hanging his head in shame after that appalling display of an utter lack of parental feeling or self control), if his behaviour warrants him being told to get the hell away from these kids and stop inflicting his temper at things not going his way on them and you.

I don't know, I'm not up on these things. But that's just - that's crossing a line.