The One Where Ross Has To Figure Out Clingfilm

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Previous thread

How’s that for a title?!

Well, I’ve done a deal on the car. Actually it drives very nicely. I can see it’s practical. And it’s not an old banger.

It’s not very me. But it is sensible, and sensible I must be.

Actually got some kip last night. 9-5.

How’s everyone else doing? Justilou is it warm in Oz? One of my best friends lives there and I haven’t seen her for too long. RandomMess have you managed to have a better night / find out when you’re going home?

I haven’t told him about handing it over to the solicitor and no mediation on Friday yet. Waiting for the notes and financial summery from the mediator first. Hopefully today.

I got divorced 4 years ago and have worked hard at luxury item procurement @MotherofTerriers you are my hero! I want to be you in 2021.

@RandomMess I’m so sorry to hear of your health problems and now the loss of your mother

Please remember that many people who are supposedly unconscious are in fact still able to hear and know that someone they love is there with them. So it’s not impossible that your mother knew that your father was there, even though she couldn’t respond to him.

This isn’t woo BTW, many health care staff who work in end of life care will tell you this. Dying is a process, not an moment and we don’t know when people stop hearing and sensing even when they can’t Speak or move on command.

After being married for so long, people have a deep connection and science can’t say when that ends.

Why on earth shouldn't you be on zoom with family and a G&T in the afternoon?

I did the same thing after booting my husband out - not £££ luxuries, because I was very broke, but just getting new crockery and some new cupcake trays was a start and made us feel better. We're still in the family home, but the work to erase him goes on.

And yy to Egyptian cotton high thread count sateen bedding!

I found it helped hugely, planning luxuries, not all of them mega expensive but just things I would enjoy. Particularly in the awful few weeks when we still had to share a house.
I have found it matters to me that my home is really comfortable, like really really comfortable.
I suppose some of it is self care - women can fall into a pattern of putting others first an awful lot. I deserve to sit on my squishy sofa and open a bottle of nice wine because I feel like it, and drink it from a fancy glass.

Self care is not selfish, it is essential. It's the daily life equivalent to, in the event of a plane crash, putting on your own oxygen mask first before you can even begin to help others.
You cannot give if your own resources are depleted.

Baths/ candles/nice bedding/ good coffee/tea/herb tea /gin /wine /chocolate/nail polish /lipstick /book /podcast/manicure /massage/ go for a walk/run/download music /magazine/ etc

whatever floats your boat!

Doesn't have to be expensive.

It's not selfish to self care, it's what you deserve.

(Mine is gardening stuff and outdoor gear and craft supplies!)

I've just finished your thread OP & am in awe at how composed you are! Best of luck for the future!

I have ended up being the only person 99% of the time that uses our shower room.

I love it, it's mine (nearly) all mine...

My towel on the heated rail, all my stuff there untouched, stays cleaner, etc etc

How about a monthly flower subscription. Really lovely flowers that will really cheer you and your new house up.

Zooming with gin at 2pm is one of life's fabulous little pleasures. I also like Wine Zoom with my friend in South Africa. Only 2 hours time diff so midday kick-off.

I pick up 100% egyptian cotton high thread count bedding in TK Maxx - sometimes you get lucky, sometimes there's nothing good there. But I only buy white bedding so everything matches regardless of the make/pattern or randomness of purchase.

Also am splashing out lately on Aesop citrus shower wash and Neals Yard hand wash (having to wash hands all the time). The Neals yard is on sale in Waitrose right now. Little everyday luxury in these weird times.

By the way - you're doing great. Wish we could all send you gin.

Oh cripes, I'm starting celebrating NY tomorrow at 10am with one Kiwi friend, and then 11am (midnight, so of course), with family. And I'm working!

I’m so sorry about your Mum @RandomMess

Been out for a moonlit walk across the fields with a friend, was lovely!

Trying to be very very careful with money until I’ve got a handle on it all. I’ve definitely got new towels on my list.

I’ve loads of scented candles. I love them, he hates them. So they just don’t get used.

Starting a list of things I won’t miss:

The constant sighing
The constant nagging
The running to a schedule all the bloody time
Shouting at football
Mowing the lawn like he’s using a hoover
Trimming the edges with my kitchen scissors
The analness around washing clothes
The stockpiling. I could feed a family of 10 for a week on what’s in the fridge alone.
The constant bloody negativity

Monthly flower subscription is a GREAT idea!

As is the only getting white bedding. However I really really want some toile de jouy. Or some giant cabbage roses. Something really girly.

Loving all the luxury suggestions. What I’m most looking forward to is just making my own decisions. And not having to stop him doing stupid things - he won’t use dusters, he vacs the tops of everything (and has worn down the little hoover brush and scratched lots in the process)

When I was chatting to my brother earlier I said I was struggling with how long I have enabled all of this shit. He said that it’s always been there as a trait, but that Gellar has really gone downhill over the past couple of years and become much worse, and he thinks I’ll get my joy for life back pretty quickly.

He’s told my lovely stepdaughter and I had the nicest message off her, she really is a treasure.

How old is he? He rather reminds me of my 70+ neighbour 😳

I'm sure breathing freely again will be pure bliss for you and the DC

You can get all white bedding and some pretty cushions and throws... I’ve got all white, and all double beds so it’s easy to find sets...

I am a lurker but had to de cloak for this : wtf !

“ Trimming the edges with my kitchen scissors” from :-

Mowing the lawn like he’s using a hoover
Trimming the edges with my kitchen scissors.

Things I bought just for me:
Velvet bedroom curtains (B&Q so not expensive but look really opulent)
Throws (you always need something snuggly on a leather sofa)
House plants (although my mum is always giving me those too)
Lovely retro Robert’s radio
Emma Bridgewater mugs (seconds or sale items)
Memory foam mattress topper and pillows
Machine washable fluffy duvet
Girlie bedding
Canvas prints of some of my favourite photos I’d taken.

A fresh start is really exciting @StuckInPollyannaMode, especially when there’s so many sales on!

If you're after insanely floral bedding, have a look at Essenza!

There are some gorgeously soft stonewashed cotton bed linens out there too. So cool and scrummy.

I got my joy back INSTANTLY. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders, even though I had voluntarily made myself a single parent self-employed working mum with no safety net.

I did have some wobble moments when the grief hit me - that I had made such a bad choice of husband and father. I felt like I had been such a fool.

I really believe that you will feel so much better the moment you have moved into your own place. So will the kids.

@StuckInPollyannaMode I've been following both of your threads and just wanted to say I admire you for what you are doing. I'm stuck with my husband and would love to break free. Unfortunately we rent so there is no way I could afford somewhere for me and the children alone. He has no savings or pensions to speak of, I have more than him due to careful savings and there's no way he's having any of that.
Hope the move goes smoothly for you and good luck with it all x

Profilechange, you need to get familiar with benefits support for a lone parent
Try entitledto.com
As a renter you get help that a homeowner doesn't. Get those savings spent on a rental deposit (he can claim half if you're married)), even if you did the hard work saving) and get your life back if it's miserable

I think a massive IKEA trio is needed. They have some really nice and pretty bedsets and you can get a few for the price of more expensive shops. They are nearly all 100% cotton too. I love these two.

Also, loads of scented candles and cushions etc...

Imagine how much fun you and your daughter can have going round the store.

That second IKEA set is PERFECT! Thank you. Huge fan of nice curtains and throws etc. Will have to put an order in as we are now in Tier 4.

You’re going to love this mornings update.

He’s been stomping round the house since 5.30. Then came down and announced that if the purchase of his house doesn’t exchange on 4th January that he will pull out and go and rent ‘further afield’ as ‘what is the point’. That he ‘doesn’t have tine’ to push solicitors and estate agents along when they should be doing the job he is paying them for. That I must ‘live with the choice’ I have forced him into and that I have never wanted him to be a part of the girls day to day lives. That being in Tier 4 means when he has the children it will ‘mean no fun and enjoyment, just me and the children not able to do anything’

I suspect 2 things. That he was expecting me to roll over and say of course you can move in with me if your sale takes longer, and that he has discovered over the holidays what parenting actually means.

Honestly, I could just laugh. Ridiculous man.

OMG

What planet is he on.

Big important man is incapable of simultaneously buying a house or parent his DC.