Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@LongtimelurkerL - that's good he's not an unknown. One old girlfriend pretended she had something in her eye to the kissing going once. You could try that?

@Ruralbliss - I think she has a couple of child-free days so reckon she might well have a couple of zero dates lined up. What would you want to hear from a date then? I can say "really like to see you again... if you need more time to process it that's ok". Good luck with your multi-dating. I can see it makes sense but I can only do it serially.

@Whoknows11 sorry to hear that! crap behaviour.

Haha @DudeFromThatLondon that’s hilarious!!

I’d prob say ‘was lovely to meet you, let me know if you’d like to go for another walk’ - keep it really simple

@DudeFromThatLondon I've said something along these lines before - "It was great to see you earlier - I really enjoyed your company, and would like to see you again for a proper date. I'll leave the ball in your court, so just let me know if you fancy meeting again". Usually they say no thanks, but at least I know...

@LongtimelurkerL 4 walking dates probably counts as one or two normal dates in non-Covid times, so it's all a bit tricky to work out what's going on. He may well be worrying about it himself. I always think about this way too much and usually need a great big neon flashing sign saying "I fancy you, kiss me now", but looking back at when I have kissed someone, it just kind of happened naturally.

Haha fair enough @TheCatWithTheHat - what’s your reasoning for normal non covid dates counting for more than covid ones? Just out of interest - not having a go

In my experience, with walks in the park you don't get to see their body language as much, there's less eye contact, and more going on around you to distract you. It's also more friend-like than romantic I think, so harder to gauge their interest. Plus you usually don't have any alcohol to lubricate things.

@LongtimelurkerL sure, go ahead

Ah that does make sense @TheCatWithTheHat - doesn’t that make it potentially better to get more than one. Aren’t you more likely to right someone straight off? Who bloomin’ knows

Thanks @Eesha

Well speaking for myself, I wouldn't go on 3 or 4 walks with someone unless I liked them. But moving from a walk to something more romantic at the moment is a bit more tricky than after a drink in a cosy bar. Like you say - who bloomin' knows!

Dating is hard enough at the best of times - now we have to deal with freezing cold walks in the dark too!

Good advice from @HairyArsedMan there re four dates

I'm an eager to please flirt with just one successful relationship to my name in the early 1990s. No idea why I think I'm qualified to give anyone advice!

Apparently taking your time (and multi dating too) is the better route to a quality relationships. That's the theory. I'm yet to test it.

@TheCatWithTheHat thanks that makes sense.

Yeah @Ruralbliss and @HairyArsedMan gives great advice. Now to work out how not to be strung along...!

Thanks @Cat and @Long. I couldn't help but complicate the message a bit as I think she's a bit alternative. I'm pretty sure she'll say no, but it's out there so we'll see.

I've been browsing but can't find anyone remotely interesting I like / fancy.

How do you all find people? Wondering if I'm being too picky but I don't want to chat to anyone I don't fancy etc.

Think I'm going to be single forever.

Agree with the walks too..I find them very awkward.

Good luck @DudeFromThatLondon

I swear @bangheadhere40 sometimes there seem to be loads to swipe on and sometimes none.....

Thanks @LongtimelurkerL Ach, she's read it but not replied. Obviously not processed just yet...

I've been browsing loads the last day or two, and I'm swiping yes on probably less than 1 in a 100 profiles. I'm going to wear my finger out!

For 2 days of swiping, I've had 3 matches - one who hasn't replied, one who just sends boring 1 line replies back and another who seems a little more promising, but as yet I've only had one message from her.

One thing that's surprising is how many women (I can't speak for the men, but I'm guessing it's the same) use terrible photos. E.g., really unflattering photos of them slumped over holding a can of beer, silly filters with noses and ears, photos of just their kids (why??) or one I've just seen - a photo of their breakfast, with some feet in the background!

A lot of male photos include:

Beer
Cars
Fingers up at the camera
Kids

Sometimes wives / ex wives too with their faces scrubbed out!

@TheCatWithTheHat men are just as bad-
Groups of people so you can’t work out which one he is
Clearly lied about his age or has had a very rough life
Blurred photo of the floor
One I saw had posted a photo of him snogging someone (tinder not fab)

Back from really lovely date with MrScott - had pub tapas which was major treat after so many weeks at home.
He's had Covid recently and tested negative yesterday.

Anyhoo he wasn't for me despite being chatty, asked Qs, very complimentary (but not in a fake lovebomby way), interesting and gave me done great insight into my poor chronically ill daughter's situation.
He paid for our meal while I was in the loo and then we strolled arm in arm back to car park.

This is where you'd have been proud of me - rather than go through with the inevitable but unwanted snog I took a deep breath as we strolled and said 'I'm just going to say this - I think you're lovely and cool and handsome but we're not a great long match and I can't do another short term casual thing'

In answer to his 'Why?' I cited him being a big drinker. Like really big. Like he tried hard to persuade me to get a taxi home so I could get sloshed with him. I'm not a big drinker.
I also cited his lack car and living ages away and my three kids...

He was super lovely about it bless him and said he was glad we'd met anyway as feels like we could be nice friends.

I'll post him my share of the bill tomorrow as he very considerably sent a pic of his driving licence (unprompted) ahead of us meeting to prove he was legit.

I feel it was a great experience all round plus an antidote to helping to erase previous ghosting iron who was never interested, asked Qs or was complimentary (or settled the bills come to that despite being a squillionaire!)

@TheCatWithTheHat I've seen a marked increase in willy pics as profile pics on Tinder which I gleefully screenshot for my married mates to clutch their strings of pearls at before using the Report This Profile button.

I find pics with kids in them a bit off putting not sure why just find it eughie.

The group photos are annoying - some women do that too - I scroll on down thinking "please be the nice one, please be the nice one, oh..." I've used one group one on Bumble to show I actually have friends, but covered the other heads up with yellow dots to make it obvious (and in case they think my friends are more attractive).

I see a few mentions about photos of tigers and fish - is that a thing too?

Also I've just had a match on Bumble, and I swear I didn't swipe on her. She's quite attractive, so I'm going to go with it, but seems very odd!

@Ruralbliss fab job with your boundaries and sounds like it was fun at least! Bravo

@TheCatWithTheHat yes to the fish and tigers! Very odd.... follow tinder translators on Instagram if anyone has it! Hilarious

@Ruralbliss willy pics? Why oh why? (shakes head at the stupidity of some of my fellow men)

I find photos with kids in pretty odd too - by all means mention they have kids, but I don't need to see proof, and it makes me worry about how sensible they are. To me that's pretty much always an instant left-swipe.

Glad you had a good date - sounds like a nice evening, and good experience all round. It's a shame more people can't be as open and honest about how you felt at the end of a date.

I've noticed with the apps I get matches if I bob on fir a short while - that can't be a coincidence.

Like just now. Bobbed on to send someone a message (Mr Scary) and came out then suddenly two matches with blokes I'd liked (& one I'd super liked) were made.

That can't be a coincidence surely.

It pays to bob in and out again maybe... 🤔