Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Ruralbliss and @TheCatWithTheHat

That's me too... except I've got a 21 year old and a 9 year old and a 4 year old GS

I've no dad, my DM doesn't give a shiny shit. My sisters are nowhere in my life.
My first fiancé beat me, my husband just lost all interest in activities except telling me his way was right. My eldest has a rare disability and I almost lost her a few years back. My best friends are so wrapped in their own lives they forgot me. But I haven't forgotten them. I'm still here.
I have the incredibly smart Ms Jam whom I can talk to about ANYTHING and the amazing @Dancerinthemoonlight who is the sweetest kindest friend. So I'm seriously lucky in life. I can message here and talk to you lot too.

I'm kind and hardworking and interesting and fun. I'm also a well traveled solvent cook. I can sing and dance and I'm tactile and very attentive. I've spent years focusing on bad shit but actually people have so much good in them.

As I say I might not meet my non perfect, perfect for me person but I'm going to enjoy the connections I make along the way. I am going to learn from them. Care for them and enjoy fun times. I know there will be pain and heartache but that just makes the good things sweeter.

And it's because if all that I will try to recognise the meh in matches/irons and be kind and let them go so they can find someone that makes them crackle with excitement.

Which is the way Mr Sounds is making me feel right now, crackling and smiling with excited anticipation, I like the feeling. It might not last, so I'm going to enjoy it... and tell him I'm enjoying it.

As for being the prize - sometimes I feel like I'm the prize at the bottom of one of those claw grab machines, waiting patiently to be grabbed, then finally thinking I'll make it out the machine - only to be dropped from a height right at the last moment

@TheCatWithTheHat that claw grab comparison is so funny.

'One thing I know for sure - when I finally meet that person, I will treasure them all the more having worked so hard and long to find them' - I hope someone feels this way about me one day (when I say 'someone', I mean Mr Yoga).

I'm in two minds about the prize comments though I think I'm a good catch myself. I'm funny and friendly and caring and I could probably line up my exes who would all say great things about me! As for being a prize, I think i echo @cravingthelook and think it's about having decent expectations with someone rather than hoping. I certainly did better with dating when I stated I wanted regular communication and was more picky. I only went on dates where I felt there was an equal interest hence only 9 in 3 years. I made mistakes wishing and hoping with a few but I should have spotted the red flags early on so I take the blame there.

Mr Yoga and I agree that on paper we probably aren't suited but in real life, we really are. It's not explainable really.

Hmmmmmm @TheCatWithTheHat that's a different interpretation- not the same as mine.

I'm sorry to hear you feel like that. Waiting to be picked & then sometimes dropped back.

Isn't the advice to not 'wait' and live your best life as this (a) will mean if you never meet your special someone then you'll still have had a great life & (b) those living life to the fill are more likely to attract a high value significant other and (c) if we don't see ourselves as a fabulous unique individual then we are in danger of accepting partners who don't treat us with huge love and respect.

Is a relationship ever going to save anyone from anything?

One of my ex bf/irons had this attitude and being a fixer I gave it my best shot for 9 months but it wasn't possible so I left and now he kicks himself.

You are a bigger prize than the cheapo grabby claw game! Definitely.

Love that post @cravingthelook and Go MrSounds he sounds so cool. So great you have met & enjoying exploring each other.

Sorry you have little support irl too.

Lovely you are so grateful for your friendship with @Dancerinthemoonlight

I have two girl pals who are also dating and have crappy histories. Couldn't manage without them.

@Ruralbliss that was just a little joke :) - I feel the same way you do about being the prize - although occasionally it does feel like being at the bottom of the claw game!

I'm certainly not waiting to be picked up - I enjoy my life (well, as much of it as I can live at the moment), and don't think a relationship would save me or complete me. I just feel that I'm ready to meet someone to share my life with, and want that special person to appear sooner rather than later.

Oh phew @TheCatWithTheHat good to know
😂

Yes same here.

@Ruralbliss

I sometimes wonder if I broke rules 😁 but much earlier in the year I PM checked up on the having a very tough time @Dancerinthemoonlight and that led to a few messages and more chat and phone calls and video calls and a friendship thats developed between Scotland and The Southish

Now we speak everyday, we phone each other on the way home from dates and I'm going to be here forever for her, if that's CV help, ranting listening, taking her out to sample the delights of the Edinburgh nightlife (please soon) or whatever it turns out to be. Life is too short not to cherish those that make such a positive impact in our lives.

The rules didn't say we couldn't make amazing friends and I thank the thread so much.
That and for all the chat and support here! I do love you all.

I'm a bit gushingly positive at the moment but this took time and therapy and I don't want to focus on the bad shit and that includes ExH and his Christmas Eve tantrum. This is who I want to be.

P.S you are all invited to a post COVID Edinburgh night out! I'll host
I'm just making a pot of hot spiced apple juice ... I'll make one for the thread party, you can have it straight up or with your choice of booze - rum or ginger liqueur work particularly well.

Totally up for that craving- during the first lockdown DS1 and I spent ages looking at Edinburgh on Google Streetview ("look! That's the very cafe where Harry Potter was written!") and planning a Northern England and Scotland expedition...hasn't happened yet .

I'm a member of a Facebook group that developed from a long running MN thread for older women TTC (and then succeeding)...we all get on really well, but of course the ones I feel I have most in common with are in Glasgow, Norfolk and Liverpool...and I'm in Cornwall . One day I'll visit them!

Who else is going to be slumped on the sofa on their own on NYE??

I will be @crackofdoom just me and DD2 (9) for NYE

If all goes well tomorrow I will try plan a weekend of fun the weekend after New Year 😁

What a beautiful thing you and dancer have, craving. As you're not dating, you didn't break any thread-rules. I'd say intra-thread friendships should be encouraged 😊

NYE would have been with lovely friends. It's obvs not now. DS14, DS12 and their dad 😐

@cravingthelook I didn't realize you had gushed so much on here. You know I treasure our friendship and all that I have learned from you. You will get to show me my roots (part Scottish on both sides and the only one out of my family who hasn't visited) Our friendship was the good thing that came out of my relationship with Mr Smile.

@crackofdoom I visit Cornwall every year and would love to live down there one day. Although I'm single and live miles and miles away I would love to get married in Cornwall at At Enodoc church. Hopefully my Mr Right is out there for me.

Hopefully getting my job situation/career sorted before re-starting the search for Mr Right

NYE is just a normal evening though I might do a lasagne - woohoo!!! Was planning to see Mr Yoga for a socially distanced walk but looks snowy so might postpone as I hate driving in poor weather.

We should have thread drinks. We can all sit there in our pyjamas and tell each other about our fabulous imaginary outfits

NYE is a normal day for me too . Might try and stay up to see the new year and do the countdown.

I wondered about suggesting we met up for a pint when you came down dancer!

Learning so much today

That I should enjoy the experience instead of focusing on how pear shaped it went

The whole prize analogy - verb/noun.

Now if only we could give everyone OLD a quick master class

@crackofdoom you should have. Hopefully I will get down again next year. Nothing planned yet because of all the changing tiers but still plenty of time. I spent half of my time surfing and flirting with the surfers.

Hello, I'm late to the thread I know.

Just checking in here as I've started OLD after a 13 year relationship which has broken me, badly.

The OLD stuff is a distraction from my pain, it works sometimes.

I'm trying other things too (jigsaws, sleeping tablets, crying every single day, talking to friends) and OLD does get a bit time consuming but this is where I am right now.

Hello rhus tox, you're never late to this thread. The thread goes ever on and on (in multitudinous incarnations).

So sorry that you're broken. You will mend and bloom anew, I promise.

Just one word of caution, though: Many of us here have been burnt by people fresh out of long relationships- and emotionally damaged by them- who get very over enthusiastic about meeting someone new, promise them all sorts, and then realise that they're still grieving for their ex and can't deliver. It's perfectly fine to be looking for something casual while you restore your emotional equilibrium- just make sure you communicate that to your dates.

@cravingthelook I'm pretty sure I remember seeing the posts when you @Dancerinthemoonlight first got a-chatting off thread. I think you posted how grateful you were. I was impressed.
It's so ace you have made a long lasting friendship through this humble thread.

I'm not surprised though we all seem to have quite a lot in common besides the endless quest to find love 😊

Bravo

Just a normal night in on the sofa for NYE here too.

Why do they always come back???

Yes Mr FF and he's being kind and accepting and explaining his shitty behaviour whilst acknowledging that meeting would be impossible he just didn't want to leave it where it was.

I'm staying strong

I have to or @Dancerinthemoonlight will kill me

Oops, forgot to refresh the thread .
Hi @RhusTox and welcome. OLD does help to move on but as Crackofdoom says try to be clear with your dates that this is your aim. It’s okay to not know what you’re looking for yet but it’s not okay to not communicate that.

Yes hi @RhusTox and I agree with @crackofdoom and @Wasail be conscious of others