Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Wow @cravingthelook amazing standards!!

I’m the same @WeWantTheFinestWines can’t handle fwb. If they started anything friendly I think I’d presume they wanted more and my head would get in a mess

@cravingthelook I should have called him out on it. I think I'm going to say something today and also ask him what this is to him. His actions point to more than fwb, but his words don't. I'm fine either way but I need to know his intentions.

Good plan @30somethingandstillsingle go in softly and just say that you've been thinking about something he said. That you would just like some clarification so that you are both on the same page. Ask him to explain his comment further and what he sees you two as
Don't over talk and let him tell you, I.e. don't put words in his mouth or allow him to agree with you. Ask the question and await a response.

For example if you say, I thought we were FWB are we still that? He can just agree.
If you ask 'can you explain further what you meant by women on fab aren't dating types?' And can you please explain how you see our relationship now? Is this meeting your needs?
These questions will make him be more open rather than agreeing along with the words you said.

Is anyone else getting more and more depressed about a 2021 like 2020 - looking like another ‘wasted’ year of dating

@LongtimelurkerL

Is anyone else getting more and more depressed about a 2021 like 2020 - looking like another ‘wasted’ year of dating

Yeah me and it's depressing

lingtimelurkerl yes I feel the same - 2020 was a waste of a year and doesn't look like 2021 will be much different 🤷‍♀️

I'm still arranging dates but I'm still not a fan of walking in these freezing conditions (we had snow overnight 🥶).

So far this week I have a date arranged with Mr999 and Mr Engineer. Mr Fire has also asked if we can arrange something.

@lovellost it sucks!!
Wow good job @Slothmomma - how are you doing so well at getting dates! No one seems to be replying to me.

Still not sure what’s going on with Mr LongWalks - he’s not initiating texts anymore (he last text me on Xmas day) but he’s at his parents not in London. Not sure what to do

I'm off on a social distanced date with Mr Chat this afternoon. He seems ok regarding his health and says he likes to take risks!! I'm so nervous and really hope I find him attractive as he's lovely on the phone!!

@30somethingandstillsingle isn't your guy saying more that you are a diamond in a sea of blah ness that is FAB? Is he also looking at normal sites for a partner?

Goodluck@Whoknows11 . Hope it goes well

@Slothmomma way to go . You must be doing something right .

Thanks for the advice @cravingthelook

I have spoken to him about his comments and I think he felt awful. He clarified that what he meant was that most people on fab are not looking for a relationship and so it wouldn't be the first place for him to look.

He also said that he listened to me when I set 'ground rules' regarding what I like and dislike about fab... I do remember that conversation and I think I did probably come across as not being open to anything else as it was during my 'I am so fed up with dating, I'm happier on my own' phase

I'm not sure how to reply to that message in all honesty.

@Eesha yes he's on normal dating sites.

@LongtimelurkerL I try to be optimistic - it can't be worse than 2020 surely?! All we need is a bit more Tier 2 so we can eat and drink out and I'll be happy. It does really suck at the moment though.

I go through phases of thinking I should take a break from OLD, as it's all a bit pointless matching and chatting then not being able to meet, but then end up swiping through the apps. I've run out of profiles on Bumble now, and have signed up to OKCupid which seems pretty good - although it seems a lot of women expect a message rather than swiping, matching and then messaging?

It makes me laugh (otherwise I'd cry) with a few messages I've had recently from matches. I have cats, and mention that in my profile. One recent woman matched just so she could tell me she had dogs and they didn't like cats. Thanks - that's good to know!

I've spent a bit of time on fab too - it's a bit of an eye opener, and I can see why it's popular with women - there seem to be a million guys for every woman on there! Not really great odds for me though. There do seem to be some lovely women on there, but actually speaking to them is another matter.

@30somethingandstillsingle my thoughts are that he wants to date you.

@30somethingandstillsingle sounds like it's one of those conversations where it's really easy for him to dig himself into a hole, and then whatever he says just makes it worse?

It's probably a good opportunity to just be open with him about what you feel and want, and see what he says. Having just joined fab I can see what he means - I'm not there to find a relationship, but I wouldn't rule it out if I met someone I clicked with. And he may be nervous about telling you his feelings if he thinks you're not open to anything more.

@30somethingandstillsingle - yep, I’d hazard a guess that he wants to date you. Specifically bringing that conversation up suggests he wants to know if your ground rules still hold.

@LongtimelurkerL i know of more people being vaccinated and I think this means the tide is turning more. We will move into lower tiers soon enough and I'm sure people have realised they don't want to be single during these weird times anymore. Personally I'd see how your iron behaves when he is back here and then decide what to do next.

I agree with the others @30somethingandstillsingle it's time for a proper conversation, especially as your stance may have slightly changed re potential of a relationship.
@crackofdoom (I think) found it interesting what you said about not believing in the head over heels thing, for you at least. I feel like that too. How do you/plan to navigate that with irons that do fall head over heels for you? I've asked for some space and time but it feels very harsh.

The apps seem very quiet, so I'm guessing that a lot of people aren't really looking at the moment - I guess Tier 4, Christmas, New Year etc... are all conspiring against us.

Once we get into the new year, the dreaded Valentine's Day will be the next big date looming towards us, so maybe that will get people back into a dating mood.

I'm still chatting to a couple of irons on WhatsApp, and conscious that I don't want to let the conversation lapse or leave it for days between speaking, but it's also pretty hard to keep it fun and flirty when we have no idea when we'll be able to meet up. I feel a bit like one of those plate spinners - trying to keep all my plates from crashing to the ground!

@Eesha yeah I’m guessing he may be feeling like @TheCatWithTheHat and I am as well. There’s only so much convo we can have about how the thing he did with his parents went or what I’ve been doing (basically nothing)

Good luck @Whoknows11 and I’d say def a chat @30somethingandstillsingle

@LongtimelurkerL I think things will look much better by Spring too, once significant numbers have been vaccinated. I’m not sure this year has been a total write-off. Definitely an emotional roller-coaster and learnt some lessons the hard way, but hey ho.

I’ve actually got a walking date tomorrow although it’s so cold I’ll have to turn up dressed like a sleeping bag so hope that’s not a problem. Has shown no interest in a bit of a get-to-know-you text chat either, so not much in the way of expectations.

Good luck with your date @DudeFromThatLondon

I sent a message saying that I wasn't sure the ground rules applied to him and asking how he felt about that.
Had a positive reply back, saying that he's glad I feel that way and he's happy.
It's so hard talking about stuff like that over message, I much prefer face to face. Anyhow, I'm glad we've sort of had the conversation and I can allow myself to be open to more rather than keeping an emotional distance. I'm not in a rush for anything else, just hated the not knowing where this might be leading.

I rarely swipe right but the odd few I have recently have matched luckily- or not as the case will probably end up being 😉🤣

I too do not think ill find my "head over heels" in love on the apps but yet I persist