Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Mayzee

He’s just left got me some thermal pyjamas as well which are lovely very teenagerish we just had a cuddle and some heavy petting

Yes it feels good with him but I think due to his work schedule it’s still a bit - I’m trying to start conversations rather than interrogate him but it looks like he might be back for a few weeks in February then away again

although it’s been positive I think we’re both “loving with one foot on the ground”?

So keep contact, keep things moving rather than try to put labels on things.

We’re both quite nice but pragmatic people at heart - I mean MrC might well hit the spring/summer with his offshore days complete, lockdown lifting, a large paycheque in the bank and decide
he wants to get out and “see what’s out there?”.

So I’m mindful not to just have my schedule and emotions revolving around him whilst he’s away

@Mayzee

Lol I’m glad this thread has people being open about hosting difficulties as they can have such a big impact on early dating!

With flatmates/lodgers/children/parents it can be an early dealbreaker.

I’d have been able to afford to live solo if I hadn’t got ill this year (as it happened I was glad to have someone around to help me with day to day tasks!)

MrSmooth who I turned down this summer for MrC has a converted camping van which he offered me a ride in. But I had a pile of eBay stuff and my first meet with MrC later that day so I turned it down.

I’m sure I wasn’t the first woman he’d offered that to - I can see how that’s actually a good practical solution to the hosting dilemma!

(That or love hotels you can book for three hours)

Hope you and MrTG can progress and have a lovely walk.

Ok I have an idea - can we crowdfund a camper van/passion wagon and share it between us for those with hosting issues? We could maybe invest in a few regional ones so the waiting list doesn’t get too long 😂

@UtterSocks

Love it - tbh I reckon you could stick the passion wagon on Airbnb and make the money back in a year.

Double bed, no storage, somewhere to wash - don’t need windows and more private....job done

@UtterSocks @Bunkbedpeople love it! I’m across the Irish Sea so I’ll have to source a regional version. My sister has a campervan actually

I see a lot of profiles that mention camper vans. Do blokes do this too ?

I'm tall. It just sounds like a headache in waiting for me.

@HairyArsedMan yes every single male profile in Cornwall I had no idea it was euphemism for “can accommodate”. I am starting to think there is a whole secret profile code that, until now, has eluded me.
So “looking for adventures” probably doesn’t mean he wants to explore Dartmoor?

It is actually quite a smooth pulling technique - take the date in the van for a country walk or day out (don’t even need a weekend away)

and that’s the right environment - beds right there for a cuddle ....fireworks!!

MrSmooth had his van parked when he met me for a coffee and he showed me it

then I gave him a hug and walked off

and then I got a message saying “didn’t fancy getting in the back?”

To be fair he was very VERY attractive and our conversation had been quite flirtatious and I like the idea of a vanshag - but overconfidence is a turn off for me

So “looking for adventures” probably doesn’t mean he wants to explore Dartmoor?

Every bugger that I have met since the weather went shit has got a camper van (as do I, depending on what you class as a "camper van". It's a van. I camp in it. Kitchen = open fire outside. Washing facilities= river). To be fair, all invitations so far have included the expectation of lots of healthy outdoor activity along with the sex . I never got my weekend away with lovely Mr BigCityBoy in his proper posh camper due to Covid nonsense, but Mr Double Decker has been desperate to host me in his New Age travellermobile, and next weekend it's forecast to.....not be raining , so we may finally get to do that! The freezing temperatures won't matter, as it boasts a little wood burning stove.

Love a woodburner @crackofdoom

Also yurts and canal boats would be top for a weekend away, if the cold is under control.

I used to live on a proper sailing boat, and at the same time had a boyfriend who had a rather more impressive one (captain in the Merchant Navy, don'tcha know ), so have had plenty of sexy boating jaunts! The front berth in most sailing boats is just an enormous triangular bed

Very awesome @crackofdoom this thread is a fount of knowledge on non dating stuff

Not many campervans in London, although there is a recent trend for cargo bikes. 🤔

Mr GN has a campervan. I’ve only seen photos but it reminded me of the tragic camping club episode of The Inbetweeners. I’d far rather have a tent 💕

I didn't realise "looking for adventures" was probably a euphemism

I deleted all dating apps/profiles a few weeks ago. It was just the same faces and I was just feeling really meh about it (still am).

After being poorly and MrTall being so lovely delivering chocolates and medicine to my doorstep, we've seen each other since and he was lovely.
Tonight we were messaging about fab and how we have both tried different dating sites, he was very complimentary about me saying I was a catch and someone would be lucky to have me, he then basically went on to say that fab isn't the place to look for someone to date as the women on there aren't what he wants (though not quite those words) I don't think he had any idea how hurtful that was as he continued to be chatty etc but it really stung. I guess our 'fwb' thing will remain just that.

The universe keeps sending me treats.

Mr Sounds and I are literally whipping each other into a frenzy prior to our Tuesday night sleep over.

I have a Mr Tag Team too, older , local, very kind, sweet and an exquisitely clean house! I have been for a cuppa

Ms Jam and I are just the best of friends

I have a new potential Ms Vixen now too... just taking the chat slow

@30somethingandstillsingle - reading between the lines, are you sure he’s not saying you would be a catch for him? By including you in the conversation he’s likely excluding you from fab women he wouldn’t want to date. On the other hand, does come across as a sweeping generalisation and somewhat judgemental.

Campervan profiles have always been a turnoff for me. I'm just not a camper. But I can't accommodate, so maybe I need to be more open minded. Where I live is full of outdoorsy types and I'm all about home comforts, films, books, reading the paper in bed in the morning with coffee, chatting about the news and politics. I love going for walks but I'm not a wash-in-the-river type person. So all those guys get a left swipe. Along with the neck tattoos, obese and illiterate ones. Which is pretty much all that's on offer for my age down here. I should probably move to a city.

craving you're doing brilliantly at old. You sound like a great date.

Wow @cravingthelook you do so well with your dates!

@30somethingandstillsingle I sort of agree with @DudeFromThatLondon but it’s a little like the ‘compliment’ you’re not like other girls....

@WeWantTheFinestWines thanks... sometimes I mess it up. I fall for the wrong ones and get hurt.

I'd like to fall head over heels with someone who feels the same but I've figured that I'm not sure that exists, not for me anyway. So I'm just enjoying what the universe brings my way and trying to learn something about me along the way.

I see the good in people, Mr Sounds is sexy and kind and interesting and has a gorgeous voice, he gives fairly good text and kisses to die for. So that can work for a good FWB. Our lifestyles are not compatible and I will remember that.

Mr Tag Team is so chilled and has a much more compatible lifestyle but won't give me the same intensity and excitement. So another FWB.

I fell hard for Mr Planner and Mr FF because they both has the potential for both the lives fitting together AND the excitement and so it's me seeing that which makes me so into it/them that forget to take care of myself.

And I agree @WeWantTheFinestWines I am not a wash in the river kind of girl either. Thankfully I am solvent enough to pay for a nice hotel 🤣

@30somethingandstillsingle I would have gently and thoughtfully called him out on it.
I would have reminded him that you met on fab and as he says you are a catch, so not everyone on fab fits a stereotype. I'd ask him to consider how his comment sounded from your perspective and consider how it could sting a bit. Let him think about his words.

I know it's not for everyone and it takes serious amounts of balls/courage but I'm determined to be open, honest and vulnerable. I will say what I think and feel. The perfectly no perfect person that's for me will love it. They won't have to try guess if I like them, they won't have to try work out if I'm a bit pissed off. I will do tongue in cheek lesson learning sarcasm to disrespectful idiots. I will do kind explaining to lovely people I dint click with. I will tell people specifically what I like about them. And if someone says something that hurts me, I'll talk about it, gently, non confrontationally.

That's where you're nailing it craving - you allow for a FWB type scenario if some of it is there. I don't think I can do FWB - I know from my younger, wild-oats sowing, days that I want love. Not at first sight and not fireworks/ Hollywood/bolt from the blue stuff but a grower. I can't separate the emotion from the fun/sex 😪 Thus no FB for me. And probably no sex again for a long time, if ever!

My goal for 2021 is to sort out my living situation so I will be able to accommodate - I may then be more adventurous as a date won't require booking time out from home and making up 'a friend' for DC.

My 3 scenarios since starting old have all been with divorced men with their own houses, but that trend may not necessarily continue.

And you've just nailed comms as well craving!

I try to do that. With my recent bf I would tell him how certain situations made me feel and explain why I reacted the way I did and thank him for being so perceptive and understanding and he'd do the same. I tried to compliment him a lot - because we all need that - but about specific stuff that he'd said or done, rather than general shit you can say to anyone. And he was the same. It was the healthiest relationship I'd ever had for comms - until he left me with some bullshit explanation rather than tell me he'd met somebody else. But I will take the good comms with me into a future relationship - and if it's not reciprocated, I'll know I won't work.