Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Slothmomma im sorry Christmas doesn't have the happy feeling attached to it for you. That's really sad. With the cuckold thing, it's a bit strange but my ex FWB liked the idea of me with others if it was him I went home with. It's not for everyone though and I couldn't do it if I loved someone in any way.

Called Mr Yoga this morning and as expected, he had slept early. He also hadn't opened the presents I gave him because he wanted to give me mine and us open them together. I'm not sure how we can facilitate this but we will have a FaceTime call tonight to chat properly. With my ex, I just feel the experience knocked me for six so next time I'll just have to try and work on feeling less of a mug in 2021.

A cuckold lifestyle is where any number of things is done to diminish the masculinity of the male partner. This includes making him dress in a certain way, wearing chastity devices, being a 'hot wife' i.e. having sex with others, but he doesn't always have to watch. Allowing him release but not PIV etc. Apparently the practice increases emotional intimacy.

And no the lifestyle would not be for me either.

@Eesha
I can imagine a day of Zoom calls and lots of family chat was overwhelming for Mr Yoga.
Hope you manage to catch up today.

Where is @Wasail? Still with her man from fab......???
Come and spill the beans🤣

Doh🤦‍♀️
Didnt refresh thread...glad you've spoken to Mr Yoga @Eesha

Sorry to everyone who didn’t have the day they wanted.

@Eesha yes that does sound very overwhelming! Good to know there’s a reason

We had Xmas day morning just DD and I and then over to our bubble for lunch and afternoon/evening. It was lovely but very weird not to see family

Ah thanks for the cuckold explanations. Wouldn't be for me.

Good job he came out with it early on I guess.

Glad you're feeling better today @Eesha, and that's a nice update to read about you speaking to MrYoga.

Sorry to hear about all the bad memories with horrible exes that others have posted about. Here's to 2021 being the start of making lots of good memories with new, better people!

My day was OK but a little sad as it's the first time ever I've not seen my Dad on Christmas Day. He's in a care home, and have always visited him until this damn Covid put a stop to that this year. I spent the day with my mum, but didn't stay as long as I usually do as I didn't want to risk things too much.

But after I got home, I heard that my brother had just got back from the vet after one of his beloved pets had been taken ill suddenly late afternoon, and sadly had to be put to sleep. So spent the last moments of Christmas day in tears giving my cats extra cuddles. I really can't wait to see the end of 2020.

@TheCatWithTheHat sorry for all that you are going through with your parents. Will they be having the vaccine? I now know several who have been vaccinated so things are moving. My best friend has covid but then she hadn't been socially isolating at all and was still dating/going out. She is now struggling to breathe whilst going up the stairs and mid 40s. Scary stuff. You are doing the right thing being careful with your loved ones.

I do feel much better about things and don't know why I was so distraught about my ex. I think perhaps it was the icing on the cake because I was feeling down. Mr Yoga was his lovely self and I think sometimes my anxious avoidant self thinks the worst whereas actually he's always been very up front with me, if a little haphazard at times. The Christmas card saga continues folks! Will I get one or not.....?

Yes, here's hoping 2021 is far better for us all. We are all good people and the world deserves a break!

So my FWB who asked to go exclusive, said he wanted me, plus worry about STI’s and covid is ...

On Tinder!
New profile set up just a few days ago.

Why are men such bastards ?

I didn’t ask for exclusivity - he did. Wanted us to test together and have unprotected sex. Was considering this in the new year till my friend sent a screenshot. He’s chatted to her unknowingly.

Worst part is I send him the screenshot and ??? this morning and complete silence !!! I’m so confused at how I don’t even deserve any sort of explanation !

@Myfabby there are no words. I'm really sorry. All I can say is it's a particularly two faced thing to do and I'm sure isn't a common thing to do to someone.

@Myfabby really terrible behaviour and inexcusable. Sending hugs

@Eesha thanks. I think my dad is due to have it soon, but not sure about my mum - hopefully in the next month or so. I just feel awful for my brother - I spoke to him and his wife mid-afternoon, and they were having a great day. But now Christmas Day will always be associated with the loss of their pet.

@Myfabby that's really awful of him. I'm not sure there is any explanation he could give - it's inexcusable behaviour.

Vaguely kondoing here - clearing out makes me happy nice minimal environment for 2021

Sorry about that @Myfabby it’s mental

I’ve found with “casual”, a few guys do end up doing this.

It comes down to sexism - they’re deep down not comfortable with a woman who sleeps with them but isn’t begging for commitment, so they’ll manipulate things so they have the ego boost of feeling they “could have her if they wanted”?

They’re ok with the woman being part of a harem but not ok with her using the situation to meet others.

If you’ve agreed to casual and are genuinely happy with it, this actually seems to discomfit them a bit?

Especially as if it’s genuinely casual you’ll be working the situation to your advantage too - dating others and not feeling you have to meet if you don’t want.

But the guys like having the “power” of feeling the woman actually wants to be in a relationship with them so will play mind games - future fake then pull back

I’ve had consensual casual where I think it’s working fine, the guy makes a point about making things more romantic then drastically pulls back as soon as I mirror HIS behaviour back and it’s like “ok, cool story bro”

I’d just block and get yourself out there ASAP if you have time.

Oh dear, I’ve sent a message and only one tick. Have I been blocked?

@LongtimelurkerL

How long ago did you send it?

WhatsApp is a good piece of tech in some ways and the work of the devil in others - I delete messages as soon as I send them to stop myself obsessing.

@LongtimelurkerL who is the guy? He could have his phone off?

Mr Long walk @eesha - it’s now delivered so perhaps just bad signal. He’s at home somewhere vaguely country

@Bunkbedpeople

Thanks! I suspect you are right. It’s just shocking and irritating

I stopped Bumble thinking people on Fab were more upfront about things. I remember him asking and he looked surprised I wasn’t jumping with joy at his plan to be exclusive.

What a joker.

Think I need to pause this whole dating / fwb thing.

@LongtimelurkerL - network down, out of signal range, phone off.

@TheCatWithTheHat - sorry to hear about the parents and brother. That’s really rough

@Myfabby - that is really low.

@Bunkbedpeople not long, like 10 mins

@Myfabby

Lol I think “irritating”/“being a joker” is the right word for this behaviour - its just a head fuck.

It’s like being manipulated into being rejected by someone you weren’t even that keen on anyway?

Good your friend tipped you off so you can move things forward now.

@LongtimelurkerL

MrC is a few hours guy. It definitely irritates me more now he’s onshore as there’s no excuse

MrMilitary is quicker but is firmly in the “techie guy who is not very verbally adept” category so his messages are a bit terse and teenagerish and he comes across like a thicko even though he isn’t.

I definitely think when I’m feeling a bit out of sorts or lonely I get really irritated and start getting paranoid about messages!

I’ve been long thinking of switching to a payg brick with no WhatsApp at some point but I guess love it or loath it the technology is here to stay

I know some younger people who make a point of only checking their phones at certain times and sticking to that policy but that seems a bit inflexible

@Bunkbedpeople it’s delivered now. He usually replies very quickly but I guess it’s Xmas. He’s not (yet) been online and ignored me. I’m not sure how I’m meant to feel about the lack of messages over the Xmas period. He’s barely been online? Does that make it ok? I really don’t know

@LongtimelurkerL Personally I hate lack of messaging but people do get busy and sidetracked. Definitely Mr Yoga is like this. It's Xmas plus perhaps you don't have the same messaging expectations yet. See how he is when he is back here. Plus would you really want someone messaging you loads when they are meant to be with family?

It’s a good point @Eesha I think if he’d been online all day and hadn’t messaged that would be different. I know he’s with his extended family and yes wouldn’t sit well with me if he messaged some randomer (me) whilst with her. I just don’t want to be stupid