Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Happy Xmas everyone feeling grotty still so hoping the day improves and I’m not flirting with the A and E docs

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope everyone has as good a day as you can given the situation!

Just my twopence on dating the thread - as a guy, I feel like I'm a guest in someone else's house and wouldn't want to do anything out of line. I've had so much amazing support and advice over the last year from so many people, and feel like I can open up here because it's anonymous. From what I've seen, there are more than a few women here who I'm sure I would very much like to date in real life, but to me that would cross a boundary that shouldn't be crossed.

@Bunkbedpeople feel better wish/prayer coming your way

@TheCatWithTheHat right back at you 😉

@Dancerinthemoonlight love you!!! This year and this thread gave me you my amazing friend who totally rocks!

And to everyone else! Thanks for laughter, support through tears and just genuinely being awesome people x

I didn't have the best sleep and have a stress induced IBS stomach ache.

I'm sitting in the car outside the exs house until the kids wake up (he didn't text me in time last year).
I have coffee, you lot and some favourite worship songs to remind me what is important (and a heated seat... Scotland is somewhat frosty this morning)

Merry Christmas threaders!!

@cravingthelook what a horrible start to the day. I hope you and the kids manage to salvage some of the day and fill your home with love and laughter.

It’s just me and DS 2 today DS1 is waiting for the result of a Covid test having spent last Sunday in the pub with his mate who developed Covid the next day. DS is feeling fine and not isolating in discomfort (he is at his girlfriends house) but I miss him today.

I’m looking forward to date night with Mr Dice after DS2 has gone to his Dads later. Mr Dice is a filthy texter, let’s hope he lives up to his promises

Thanks @Wasail

Still sitting in the car. I had a nice chat with my aunt and watched the sunrise. It is well with my soul.

Have a good date night. I've been having nice naughty messages with Mr Sounds. Can't wait til I can see him. Hopefully Sunday

Merry Christmas all. I hope everyone has a lovely day. I’ve had a merry Christmas message this morning from Mr Long walks so that’s something!

Merry Christmas dear thread chums & thank you all so much for the laughs, support and wisdoms over the year.

Very grateful for all of your views on the dating minutiae of my world, the ups & downs of yours and really pleased we have @TheCatWithTheHat & @DudeFromThatLondon providing the boys' perspectives

@Bunkbedpeople that doesn't sound good if A&E is a possibility- sending get well vibes and strength across the miles.

We should plan a post-Covid meet up party when safe to do so.

Good luck for all those doing dates the next couple of days.

@cravingthelook let us know when you are back home and warm

Love all you FAB users and your delight in filthy naughty texts from your irons

I on the other hand am eye rolling at my latest iron MrAvo as he clearly wants the text convo to go that way but I'm not having any of it -standards are being kept high. I'm done with short term flings and am looking for a cerebral and physical good match.

Have a cosy day all and remember how dull would be without the OLD apps despite the emotional exhaustion it sometimes brings!!

Merry Christmas 🎅

bunkbed really hope you won't require medical attention - fingers crossed

craving hoping you're back in the warm with a mince pie

Agree with everyone on the importance of this thread and the amazingly supportive people on it. Started the day with an argument with ex-I-have-to-live-with because he was off for a swim without even checking with DC if they were ok to have their presents at lunchtime. DC were expecting presents at 10 and ex hadn't even told them he wouldn't be here. DC are happy in their rooms on their xboxes and they've had stockings but a bit of communication wouldn't go amiss. DC 12 had to come downstairs and tell us to stop arguing 😪 I fucking hate Christmas with him and this has to be the last. So OLD better deliver in 2021 🤣🤣🤣

I hope all you lovely thread-people have all the loveliness today, whether that involves hot dates, chilly dates or no dates 🎄🎁🍾🥂

Merry Christmas all and thanks for all the support and reassuring words when old usually let's me down 😆

bunkbed I hope you're feeling better soon and don't require a dreaded a&e visit

wewantthefinestwines I hope you're day is written off completely and here's hoping 2021 sees you free of ex 🤗

My kids aren't home yet so I'm sitting here waiting whilst munching on the tin of heroes - ill work on the mom bod in the new year 🤷‍♀️

Hope you all have a lovely day x

Merry Christmas everyone! I wouldn’t have a clue without this thread. The support is amazing and in my case my only dating support.
My ex visited kids for 15 mins looking sad the whole time. He’s staying home alone for the day and made a point of telling the kids for maximum sad face points My daughter is so worried about him which is so unfair and exactly what he wants. 2021 I will legally untie myself from him and it can’t come soon enough!

@Wasail I’m so envious about your plans for later - enjoy 😉
@Bunkbedpeople hope you start to feel better soon.

Happy Christmas everyone
Thankyou for this thread it's kept me on track, amused me, made me grateful for what I have and don't have anymore

2nd date planned Monday with fwb constant texting each evening and nice messages too. It's what we both need at the moment with all that's going on and I am content and not feeling need to go in apps for pointless chat

Two hrs of peace as kids visit nan then it all starts again

Be good and stay safe as you can 😉

Merry Xmas to you all! Currently preparing lunch! Had my usual anxieties over Mr Yoga whilst squashed in bed with 3 kids who wanted me with them all night (no sleep for me) but will try and make a concerted effort to be less stressy about things I have no control over.

Merry Xmas everyone and hope you all have a “best of” day, be it travails with exes, unadulterated fun or whatever in-between. I had a Xmas text from the super lovely “touch-base” iron, so that’s a bit of Xmas cheer.

Many thanks for all the much needed advice and sanity over the year!! In 500 years this thread will be an anthropological treasure. x

Right so it was 90 minutes waiting outside. Did present opening and breakfast. DD1 and ExH pretending like yesterday never happened. I will play along. Then tomorrow I will calmly slam the ex for his abusive comments.

I'm back at mine, meat is in oven, nap time for me. Then tidy/cook they coming here at 4.

Merry Christmas! I'm loving this group even though I don't post much!
I pick my children up soon and I can't wait. My iron who I haven't named but will call him Mr Brain has been elusive which confuses me. I'd wish he'd step up but I reckon I have high expectations for initial dating.
We've been dating a month now and he's still very closed. He reckons we're not at the exclusive stage yet and I'm trying not to take it personally. He says he'd tell me if he goes on a date with someone else and I do believe him however it confuses me why he might want to. Makes me think...what's wrong with me? Or does everyone keep their options open in the beginning?
Not heard from him today and he knows I'm on my own 😔

Merry Xmas to Everyone 🎄🎅

Thanks to everyone on this thread, its such a great supportive community💕

@Bunkbedpeople hope you feel better soon and dont need a trip to A&E.

In my good news DD is alive and well at her dads and will be home this evening.
DS and I have opened our presents together, food is takeaway Indian because I can and its another break from tradition.

Mr K came round yesterday afternoon and stayed but had to leave early this morning to see his son so we opened our presents last night....he did great, really thoughtful presents and I may have cried a bit🙄

Xmases with my ex were always stressful with me slaving away in the kitchen, while he watched TV and dozed on the sofa and no proper presents for us as money was tight as he was a spendaholic but only on stuff for himself😡
The kids however always had fun and loads of presents and thats all that matters.

Mr K may be over later (if his son doesnt stay) or if not he will be here all day tomorrow.

May you all have an enjoyable day no matter what you are doing 🤗

@Whoknows11
Please dont overthink things, everyone is chatting and dating others in the beginning - you only have to read the thread to realiae its become the new normal.

1 month in is definitely to early to talk about exclusivity.

It sounds like he is just getting to know you before he wants to commit which is surely the right thing to do rather than rush in to anything.

Its a bit poor that he hasnt messaged but he might be so caught up in his own Xmas that he's not thought about you being alone as you'll have your kids later on.

Remember if his style of dating and communication doesnt suit you can end things.

Hope you get your children really soon and your Xmas Day can start.

I'm not strictly alone but DS is 24 and in his bedroom on his xbox, I'm enjoying the calm today and vegging out, drinking coffee, eating chocolates and reading my new books.

@Whoknows11 i think people do keep their options open though personally I don't like it once anything physical happens. I would feel the same as you, not enough. I think you should see how things go after Xmas and watch whether his communication styles suit you still.

@sortingitout thank you for your words of wisdom, that's exactly what I needed to hear. I guess as I've been feeling lonely lately it's not helped with overthinking things. Hopefully time will tell if it's for the long term or not. I enjoy being with him so hope things work out.

@eesha thank you. Yes I'm going to see how things are once Christmas is out the way. I'm hoping it continues as I need some fun in January especially now in tier 4!!

@Whoknows11 Mr Yoga and i discussed early on about keeping it casual but exclusive. I knew i didnt like anyone much regularly so i always wanted to focus on one person at a time. It's good this guy isn't rushing things but at the same time, you should maybe also keep your options open too given what he has told you. It's easy to overthink, i get it. I worried all last night about Mr Yoga even though we have been dating for 6 months plus he must have called me every day for the last 2 weeks bar yesterday. All I ended up focussing on was that one call free day and also why he hasn't sorted out bringing over my card which I know he has bought!!! To me, it meant he didnt think much of me. When I told my family this, they thought I was mad! Im usually pretty sane. Keep busy and focus on yourself.

@Whoknows11
What if your guy is thinking the same as you?

You broached the subject of dating others as you'd been asked on a date and he, honestly, said if he went on a date with someone else he would tell you.

Now you're overthinking his comment...he might be wondering why he isnt good enough and why you're potentially going on a date with someone else.

I would enjoy it for now and see where things go and review in the New Year.

@Whoknows11
I agree with pps - it is quite soon and (I’ve definitely felt this way myself lol) if you’re a bit lonely it’s easy to maybe project that onto your dating situation? But someone you’ve just met can’t be responsible for your emotions.

I’ve met men who are CRAZY about me and chased/love bombed me from the start and wanted big birthdays and xmases together and it’s never gone well!

Just keep communicating in a low key way and it might take a while for the bigger picture to be clear - you can drop him a Xmas message, if he doesnt reply that’s a black mark. You have just as much power as him to opt out if the situation doesn’t make you feel great .

And happy Xmas too!