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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

999 replies

Dancerinthemoonlight · 12/12/2020 14:12

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
Ruralbliss · 24/12/2020 08:44

I think it's only fair to share this forearms special trick @cravingthelook

Never noticed anyone's forearms before.

Funny (

Ruralbliss · 24/12/2020 08:48

Wait what @cravingthelook snogging in the car for 90 mins! Wowza. Hurrah that you didn't bin MrSounds off on his flakiness. He sounds a big lush.

I'm not sure I could have done 90 mins of just snogging.

Now fondly remembering my award winning car park kissing with MrVW & his he later admitted he wanted to get me into his car there and then for more

Nice news though thanks for sharing.

cravingthelook · 24/12/2020 08:49

I've watched Burlesque so many times just to see Christina all makeup upped and in those amazing costumes....

Hourglass is where it is AT! So glad I have one too 😊

I can't give out my secrets 🤐 sorry ... I will only divulge that it extends to the biceps and shoulders and neck

cravingthelook · 24/12/2020 08:52

@Ruralbliss 🤫 it might have extended to some hot fondling

WeWantTheFinestWines · 24/12/2020 08:52

craving so much dating energy, where do you find it? But what fun you're having. Car snogs can be amazing, and make you feel like a teenager again.

And what do you do to their forearms??? I've never noticed a forearm in my life and they're suddenly all the rage, so I feel I'm missing out and need educating.

sorting you are totally awesome. I could barely tie my shoelaces at 15 and you were being a mother. And a great one too, with awesome kids. What an achievement.

Mayzee · 24/12/2020 08:55

^I just assumed all folks only fancied slim hipped skinny flat chested women (which I am not - always had hourglass figure with big boobs)

Was happy surprise to learn I'm some people's types and actually my chest I've spent decades trying to hide are a source of much desire. Yay but boo to all those lost years and settling for a man who wasn't interested in sex with me (duhhh)^

@Ruralbliss this is me to a tee also! I’m loving the reactions I get now to my figure when before I hated my boobs and curves in general!

Ruralbliss · 24/12/2020 08:58

😂😂😂@WeWantTheFinestWines
Im so going to be perving at forearms with immediate effect. What have we been missing out on!

My 17 yr olds can't even pick up wet towels let alone feed themselves. The thought of either of them being charged with a living being @SortingItOut is the stuff of nightmares.

You totally got that first class degree from the university of life!

SortingItOut · 24/12/2020 08:59

@Slothmomma
I'm with you on the financially solvent, my ex husband had a spending problem so that affected my finances a lot as i had to pick up the slack.
Never again will I get involved with a man who spends money like water.

He also needs to have his life together, not necessarily a home owner but definitely needs to get through life at a steady pace rather than 100mph with loads of drama/crisis.

@cravingthelook
Nicely spoken is an interesting one because I grew up in a poorer household but I've been told I speak posh....definitely not, just well spoken I think....but Mr K brings out the worst in my local accent and my country bumpkin accent comes in when I'm around him (or my family).

Too well spoken makes me freak out and I dont feel good enough 🙄

@Ruralbliss
Thanks so much for your kind comments, it was tough but I just got on with it and now I think its great that my kids are grown up and I'm not yet 40 (but will be in a few days), some friends from school are just starting out😱

I dont think there is any right time to have children, just whatever suits you and your situation.

Me and my ex husband were split 18mths at the point he kicked off big time, I had been meeting guys for casual sex for over a year but he obviously didnt know but what triggered it was me spending my birthday with Mr K and not him.....
He confronted me, I admitted a casual thing and it sent him psycho.
He has had mental health issues for years and was sectioned when we split up because he was so suicidal and what I hadn't realised was that he thought we were getting back together at some point and i would forgive/forget his indisrection (again) but finding out I had met someone (even though casual) tipped him over the edge.

Too be fair he appears to be doing much better since about April but we are on limited contact so its just what I hear from DD.

cravingthelook · 24/12/2020 09:01

@WeWantTheFinestWines The energy comes from reminding myself I was with the exH for 14 years and I was miserable for a few. Felt unattractive and not at all sexy.

Dating has reminded that I am indeed attractive. I'm meeting so many awesome (and not so awesome people), every single one I learn something about myself or people in general.

Someday I'll meet a non perfect person who is a perfect match for non perfect me but if I don't get out there I can't find them can I?

I took 5 days after Mr FF to re-asses, lick my wounds, think things through before pushing on. This is an important step and I've got better at it.

2020 has shown we have no idea what life is throwing our way... so just get out there and have fun on the journey.

SortingItOut · 24/12/2020 09:14

@cravingthelook
Mr Sounds sounds good and 90mins in a car with a guy from fab🥵

Thanks everyone for your great comments, honestly it felt fine at the time and just my life....but I can look back and think Woah🤣

Too be fair when my DD reached 15 I wondered how she would ever have coped with a baby....but I think I was just more mature for some reason.

Even now DS is 24 and DD is nearly 18 I still dont think they would cope with a baby, they barely do anything but sleep, eat and play computer games🙄

I'm grateful for that though I'm not ready to be a grandma/nannie yet🤣

cravingthelook · 24/12/2020 09:16

And just to make you a little jealous Mr Sounds is 6'5, (with dark long hair and a beard -which is why I was unsure I'd like him, which is odd because all of my uni beau's were this look - 20 year olds suit it older guys not so much I find, at 36 and in great shape he still pulls it off) and this crystal clear perfectly pronounced baritone voice. He's a sound engineer thus out of work thanks to covid.
I told Ms Jam and she was most interested as he's definitely her type.

cravingthelook · 24/12/2020 09:20

@SortingItOut well I am!!!

I had DD1 at 22 and she had her DS at 17 (no she wasn't ready but she is doing well) he is adorable and loves me to pieces. He's 4 now, I had him yesterday and played dinosaurs with him. He's got the most amazing nature and such fabulous vocabulary (his grans influence maybe 😁)
I struggled more becoming a gran than a mum because I thought it made me old. I think I prove otherwise.

WeWantTheFinestWines · 24/12/2020 09:48

craving catching up for lost time it seems, and growing in confidence with it. Certainly not ready to get the knitting needles out and get a perm, are you, despite being a glamma!

I think I'm less ready to sow my wild oats post 14-year relationship with father of children. I did an awful lot of sowing in my teens/twenties/ thirties so was quite happy to stick to one man and try to make a go of it with him. And I was 37 when we met, in my 40s when I had the DC, and was frankly surprised when I emerged blinking back into the light and onto the dating scene in my 50s and found that I could be desirable, and have great post-menopausal sex! Hot in two very different ways 🤣

At times it's a real confidence-booster and other times it really isn't. Thus my current break from OLD. But I plan to get back on the horse in 2021 and if I can sort out my living arrangements and have more freedom to be spontaneous and have sleepovers there'll be no stopping me!

Ruralbliss · 24/12/2020 10:01

😂😂😂 at 'hot' x 2 @WeWantTheFinestWines

@cravingthelook tell Mr Sounds there's festive cheer awaiting him in the Midlands if he's ever passing through 🤭. He sounds like a great find. Enjoy! When do you think you'll see him again & presumably a non-car based setting now that compatibility has been checked out?

cravingthelook · 24/12/2020 10:15

Well my Sunday lunch in England to meet my aunt is off, I was thinking of suggesting Sunday evening of dinner and movie and sleepover.
It's totally going to have to be my place, he lives with 2 friends. A three man city centre apartment, I'm sure is great but not as nice and quiet/homely/private as my house.

But not rushing in with the suggestion, he sent some lovely texts last night but I'll see what the cold light of day brings today and what Christmas messages I get before making my suggestion. If Sunday doesn't work next Tuesday or Wednesday can. I have DD2 This Friday (CD obvs) and Monday and the full 5 days over new year.

Ruralbliss · 24/12/2020 11:34

Like your style there @cravingthelook seeing what cold light of day brings and letting him do suggesting as well as being open to other offerings from the universe.

Nice work

Wasail · 24/12/2020 13:48

Fab has come up trumps and I’m off on a walking date zero (I like that ) this afternoon with a 6’4” Irishman. I’ll let you know how it goes but as it’s bloody freezing and raining I’m hoping he keeps me warm!

Ruralbliss · 24/12/2020 14:46

Funny how we are all suddenly referencing new irons' height 😂😂😂 not their other qualities - I'm happy as I got told off by a mate the other week for constantly referencing MrVWs tallness. She wasn't impressed despite my protestations that it was my dating therefore ok for me to find his 6'4ness swoony.

Go @Wasail & the abundant universe!
Yes please do let us know re Date Zero

So hang on 1st Date becomes the proper one after the brief car park meet n sniff n snog? Is that right.

Wasail · 24/12/2020 14:53

To be fair I met him on Fab so his other qualities that I know of are not quite dinnertime conversation Blush.
6’4” is way taller than I’m used to, I’d say the average height of my partners has been about 5’9. So it is noteworthy for me.

SortingItOut · 24/12/2020 14:53

@cravingthelook
Your grandson sounds fab,my worry is that if my children had their own children now I wouldnt be able to enjoy them as I work full time and wouldnt be able to help as much as I want🙁

Bet Christmas in your house is great with having a believer 🎅

Good luck to those with dates coming up whether that is date 0, 1 or more☺️

cravingthelook · 24/12/2020 14:57

Oft 6'4 Irishman I'd properly swoon @Wasail get in there.

I've had a couple of nice flirty messages from Mr sounds.

Getting all my treatments done before we all go back into lockdown Sunday

cravingthelook · 24/12/2020 15:00

So hang on 1st Date becomes the proper one after the brief car park meet n sniff n snog? Is that right.

@Ruralbliss PMSL at the meet n sniff n snog but yes it's that!

WeWantTheFinestWines · 24/12/2020 16:23

rural meet n sniff n snog 🤣🤣🤣

Nightmare to type; may have to become an acronym, in true MN style: MSS 🤣

LongtimelurkerL · 24/12/2020 16:49

Wow @Slothmomma incredible!
Love it @Ruralbliss!!

Is anyone just feeling a bit crap about it all? You all seem to be doing fantastically

Eesha · 24/12/2020 17:07

@LongtimelurkerL try not to feel low, I think things move in swings and roundabouts here, sometimes it's great, sometimes not!

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