Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@TheCatWithTheHat it’s not a nice message to receive but far far better to ghosting or lame excuses IMO, both of which I have been on the receiving end of. So I do admire your courage and honesty.

@TheCatWithTheHat you have just restored my faith that there is good men out there.

@TheCatWithTheHat I can totally relate to this I hate being hurt, and I hate hurting others. I just want to curl up alone (with my cats) and embrace being a crazy single cat dad mum

I'm not sure if the festivities, which I usually love, are too much of a contrast with the bleakness of the world outside but I could happily hibernate until summer. Hope the message was as well received as possible, like others I don't envy you having to send it.

@HairyArsedMan love Becky! Thanks for sharing!

@TheCatWithTheHat good on you for being honest. Though I’m dying to know what put you off after sleeping with her (I’m just a nosey old bag, sorry!).

@Mayzee your date sounds fab. Nice to get some good news

I’m not in Tier 4 yet but I fear it is on the way. And I am dreading it. Am so over all this. 2020 has been a hideous year.

Aw bless you @TheCatWithTheHat that's not easy

I think I might have found it easier to have a frank in-person chat as she headed off from yours.

Maybe I'm sensitive to it as the last time I saw MrVW I thought to myself I don't reckon I'm going to see you again but he pulled me in for a snog, said "I'll speak to you later" then never heard from him again.

I knew and I think the moment would have been right to have a 'I'm not feeling it' 'Oh ok fair enough. Thanks for all the good times' chat.

I hope your well crafted text was well received by Ms Rose and I'm sorry it hadn't worked out for you with her. I know you were excited to have matched etc.

Ah @Ruralbliss you have made me laugh tonight with your online oddballs. Why are there so many weird men about?

And @Eesha, yes Mr Ginger is really winning me over BUT as the always wise @SortingItOut says he isn’t really free to commit to me with his ex on the scene. He does make a huge effort though, drives miles to see me just for an hour in between his 2 jobs, and it’s flattering. Like you @Rural I do like the wrong ‘uns and the players usually... He sort of grew on me. It’s just nice when someone is nice - who knew? But I’m exercising caution. I don’t even want to settle down - it’s just that this year has been so awful with the Rona and the narcissistic wankers I’ve met and working from home and ... all of it. It’s just nice to have someone try to take care of me 🤷‍♀️

@cravingthelook aww - that's nice to know. Although it makes me a little sad that me not ghosting someone makes me one of the good ones.

@UtterSocks I don't want to go into too many details, but there were a few things about her physically that just didn't float my boat, and none of this was obvious before getting naked. Hopefully that doesn't come across as judgemental - I'm by no means Brad Pitt myself, and I'm not expecting to date perfect 10 models, but some things just flick my off switch.

Another thing was that I just didn't like her smell - it wasn't just a case of not liking her perfume either. I'm not sure if this is true, but I have read that we are attracted/not attracted to certain people's scent. And the other thing that bothered me was that she snored. Small things, but it just all added up to tick the No box.

Plus she also told me about her ex, and a couple of things about that made me feel awkward.

@Ruralbliss it took me several attempts to craft my text - there's no way I'd have been able to say something as she left! Also I'd have felt bad about doing it as she walked out the door - maybe I'm a bit of a coward.

Fortunately the text was well received - she agreed we didn't have a long-term future, so hopefully she's not feeling too hurt. It is a shame, but just means I'm one step closer to finding someone who it does work out with.

Yes @TheCatWithTheHat this is a solid attitude. With each romantic adventure we figure out what is good/not good for us I think. If you can cope with the emotional rollercoaster

just called out MrStone via text 'Are you ok? You've gone very quiet.... ' (in amongst lots of other chat as a response to his only text of the day)

Just about to have initial chats with MrBee and MrVid who are about a million times more chatty and interesting and funny than MrVW eve as with his one word texts.

This is progress.

@TheCatWithTheHat with respect to rule 10 in mine I will say you sound very cool, kind and in some ways like me and although you don't like the hard chats you do them anyway because you care about others.

In mind*

I'd still totally flirt with you of course, there is no rule that says I can't do that 😂😂

@UtterSocks I can see how it's flattering with Mr Ginger. Perhaps he knows he needs to make a real effort as he is in such a crap living arrangement. Will this change anytime soon?

@TheCatWithTheHat you did the right thing and at least you are seeing what you don't like in someone too. Glad she replied positively.

Anyone read the Relationship thread on the husband giving a crap xmas gift?....

I doubt it @Eesha. It’s not ideal which is why I have a tendency to hedge my bets...

Has anyone else noticed old irons coming out of the woodwork? I’ve had one from June attempting a comeback. Must be lockdown panic. Everyone I met from June to September were slightly unhinged though so told him to jog on...

@UtterSocks yes I've had a couple.

One I can't remember his iron name only his moniker nick the prick ... 😂😂 from back in March... great sex, shit at communicating

@UtterSocks I keep wishing MrVW would crawl back (like a total loser) or even the vanisher from the summer.

Sorry MrGinger's situation isn't looking temporary. What's the blocker? Are they selling up?

Just had a nice chat with MeBee well niceish. It was totally one sided for 90 mins and he told me horrific tragedy after horrific tragedy. Poor man. Nice though and chirpy and upbeat despite some proper terrible things in recent past

I called MrStone out for being quiet after our 1st date. Just the two rubbish texts. He's not my kind as seems to have gone into a depressive slump as curtailed Xmas plans which juxtaposed against MrBee's misfortunes but stoic and grateful and resilient attitude made me realise he ain't for me.
I'll brave explaining that his lack of Qs was what made me decide.

MrVid and I on for phoning tomorrow. He pushed for it ahead of me (unusual) and is full of Qs, witty wordplay and lonnnnng interesting texts which I love.
Are we still allowed to do walking dates if in Tier 1 or T2?

That's all my news.

Well done again @TheCatWithTheHat for braving the honest truth (I also am nosey enough to want to know what clicked and turned you off her as you DTD.... 🤔)

@cravingthelook Thanks - you'll make me blush! Actually I have to say that I've learnt a lot being on the dating threads here over the last year, and it's definitely had an effect on the way I behave when dating.

I didn't realise that's what rule 10 meant, I thought it was something to do with mentioning actual day of the month type dates . I'll never say no to a bit of harmless flirting, but I'd hate to get into trouble for breaking the rules!

@UtterSocks it's the opposite for me - a few that I've been chatting to have gone quiet, and a couple have said there's not much point in even being on the apps if we can't meet, so may get back in touch in the new year. I've spent the last year hoping Miss C would get back in touch, but the ones we want to get back in touch never do...

@Ruralbliss I think walking dates are still allowed even in Tier 4 - you're able to meet one other person in a public outdoor place from what I've read.

I wouldn't really want to be more specific on the thread about what turned me off - it would be slightly outing, and it's unfair on her I think. Some bodies just turn you on, and others don't, but you sometimes can't tell until you get naked. I think the chemistry with that person makes a big difference too.

@Eesha I went looking for the shit gift thread (and found it) but found this excellent one whilst moseying around.

Well worth a share

So the the grass belonging to the OW wasn't really greener then was it?! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4100131-So-the-the-grass-belonging-to-the-OW-wasnt-really-greener-then-was-it

I've decided to finally give fab a go, having set up an account ages ago but have never done anything with it.

I know a few people here use it - are there any tips for a first timer? E.g., what kind of photos do you expect a guy to have, and I'm guessing women get approached a lot, so is there anything that stands out to get your attention?

@TheCatWithTheHat where I live Fab seems to be full of men who are just disembodied cocks judging by their photos 😂 So I can’t help much, I seem to have had a very unfortunate experience of Fab - though others on here may differ.

@Ruralbliss loved that thread. And yes Mr Ginger is an issue as his ex hasn’t worked in fucking years so ain’t going to move out as it might mean actually getting a job and being financially independent - ironically the same issue I had with my ex, so I am both sympathetic and mildly triggered by it.

But it’s ok - if it doesn’t work out I have found something on TikTok that explains exactly what men want so I’ll know for next time... (with apologies to @HairyArsedMan and @Cat and any other fellas looking in 😂) vm.tiktok.com/ZSnxRASv/

...sneaks in....having a couple health issues so just keeping my head above water here.

Yes there will be a seamen update (arf) at some point for anyone interested.

Also. Does anyone want to analyse an epic “so bad it’s good” ex-date flounce text? Not MrC.

Apparently I’m a monster who puts men off with my attitude (and he hasn’t even seen me when I’m angry at work yet ).

@Bunkbedpeople
Sorry to hear you are having some health issues, hope you feel better soon.

@TheCatWithTheHat
I'm a Fab member (although profile hidden) and I would say that firstly you need a good profile - fill it in the best you can.
Do NOT leave the age range as 18-99, it smacks of laziness or desperation that you'll sleep with anyone
Do NOT put in the bottom section- the free text bit - 'fill in later'. Again that smacks of laziness.
Put a little write up but its not a dating site so dont put your hobbies on there.
And remember you can add to it at any time.

Tick the boxes for interests but dont tick them all even if all apply.

Do NOT use a cock photo as your profile photo, a nice body shot (partly or fully clothed is good).
I dont mind a cock photo in amongst the other photos but some women dont like it.
I prefer to see whats on offer before I message someone.

Definitely no photos of you having sex with another woman even if she agreed to her photo being used.

If you cant accomodate state why as 99% of the time its because the person is not actually single.

Definitely dont send the first message as Hi or how are you and nothing else.

Read the profile of the person you message and see what their criteria is, nothing worse than a man telling you he is outside your age range but thought he'd message anyway.

You will get loads of messages from other men and also apparently some men pretend to be women to get cock photos....

If a message is deleted with no reply they arent interested. Fab etiquette says you dont have to reply to every message.

The forums are a good read, a lot of men ask for profile advice and the answers are good.

Remember its a pandemic and the majority are not meeting.

Any more questions give me a shout

Hope you're okay @Bunkbedpeople I'm also awaiting your update..
@TheCatWithTheHat I'm also on Fab and the above advice from @SortingItOut is excellent. I prefer tasteful pics and like to get a sense of how they dress, something to pique my interest but keeping a little mystery.
I don't often send the first message but everytime I have it's because someone has said something on the forums that's caught my eye, so it's well worth participating in those discussions.
If you want to know any more/profile review you can pm me

Yeh @Bunkbedpeople I hope you are ok health wise? Your ex date flounce text was ... erm ... interesting. At worse someone arrogant that hates being called out, at best someone saying that he isn’t up for meeting your standards regarding making an effort to consider you. Well rid! (Also how scary are you at work and are you my boss?)

I must admit though, the “DH shit present” thread has me scratching my head already. Someone buys a bar of Galaxy instead of Cadbury’s after 8 years together and everyone is screaming “divorce the bastard”. Really??? I put up with 21 years of financial, emotional and occasionally physical abuse with very little chocolate. Makes me wonder how on the floor my self esteem was! Or how terrifying some mumsnetters are. I’ll have to see what Mr Ginger gets me... clearly anything short of a gift wrapped new car and I need to tell him to jog on 🤔 (I won’t! I don’t even care about presents).

Just realised Mr Local has sent me 2 messages all week (and one was to check I got home safe last Tuesday). I know we are just FB but that is low even by his standards. I think I need to wind it up with him, hot though he is. But then I really have all my eggs in the one basket with Mr Ginger as I have 3 or 4 outlier irons but none of them live near enough and I’m hardly likely to meet them at the moment with Christmas and Covid. I said I wouldn’t just see one person again... 🤷‍♀️ I’m already getting mega freaked by the prospect of more lockdown and trying not to lose my shit, so my need to not invest and get hurt again is real...

@TheCatWithTheHat excellent advice there from @SortingItOut and @Heartbeats0708 - good luck on Fab! (Really am sure I was on some sort of sub-Fab!!! I utterly just found creeps but everyone else seems to have sorted the wheat from the chaff!). Also wondering how many 99 year olds actually get lucky on there!

What is everyone planning for Christmas???

@Bunkbedpeople if I didn't know better I would have thought that text would have been written by Mr Caribbean, Mr Smile and Mr Easygoing. The whole we don't need to bother with dates and especially the line of I come and see you so you mean more to me than just sex. Nope you were seeing me for sex and nothing more

I should probabaly add Mr Surgery into that aswell. I have really dated some rubbish men over the last 2 years

(Hi @Bunkbedpeople sorry you are not 100% healthy at the mo)

Thank goodness for this thread and all the learning from it.

I was having a great text exchange with a really witty interesting guy last night then suddenly half way through one of his missives it said 'My favourite daydream is '

I was all 'Errrr I never asked you for any favourite daydream was that meant for someone else?'

Nope. Thought he'd drop it in. I said goodnight at that point thinking 'Bye then - my Mumsnet mates have pointed out this is a 🚩 as well as 🤢'
and he signed off by telling me he hoped to dream about licking me

Ffs. What are they trying to achieve other than revealing they are sleazy sex-mad from the off. Presumably testing whether I'm on the apps for some loose no strings attached saucy times which some people might be.

Glad he revealed his hand early on but still amazed after all these years of OLD that this happens.

Bullet dodged. Not that great in the looks dept, miles away and just revealed how broke he is too. Not a great catch.