Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Kamikaze profile offering of the day: "If you're planning to take the vaccine, we won't get on". From a Dean, no less

I love Becky, even is she does hate spinach.

My return to dating is slow. A few matches on tinder two of whom have messaged, none of whom seem to have a clue how to have a conversation so i have given up on them within three messages.
Not a single match on Bumble and I have now seen everyone, took me less than 24 hours.
Plusnet won’t let me log into fab, which is probably a good thing. I’m not sure I want it enough to mess around with my adult permission settings.
I hate Hinge. Should I try OKCupid?
I need a new hobby

@crackofdoom I forgot to screenshot a delightful one of a guy's photo with him on a bed with a bathrobe on and a light and camera pointing at his groin with the bio 'I make movies 🤛💦' my married girlfriends love some of the horror rejects.

I screengrabbed a full frontal nude in a hideous untidy grubby room just before I used the Report this user button.

There's some bonkers folks out there that's fir sure.

Looks like Mr Stone has gone off the boil since yesterday's date and declarations of how lovely I am.
Minimal texts hours after my long chatty ones.

Great. I wasn't convinced anyway. Looks like her came to same conclusion. Messages archived. Whatever.

@Wasail I'm amazed at how woeful some people's conversation skills are - especially when I give them some nice easy open questions to hook into and a bit of nonsense about me (and a full chunky bio too) and I often get 'Hi Rural. I'm good thanks. Where are you? Xxx'

Byeeee 👋 I already wasted 3 mins of my life drafting you a chatty friendly text if you can't reciprocate at this embryonic stage then you are definitely not the sort of person I'm hoping to find...

Bless them.

wasail same. Between us we have squeezed Cornwall dry. Not that it took much squeezing in the first place .

Yup Rural, I also try to give them a nice text opener to make it easy for them.
Crackofdoom a single friend of mine described the Cornish men of tinder as a sack of potatoes and said good luck in finding the only apple in the sack. She has a point. A good 50% haven’t worked out that unless we match I can’t message them and if we match they can message me - “I can’t see likes so send me a message” - cheep fuckers need to either upgrade or learn how to drive tinder 🙄.

That's a good point @Ruralbliss

Thanks @HairyArsedMan I laughed a lot reading Becky 🤣

hairy thank you for introducing me to Becky. I'm crying!! 😂😂😂

Another thanks for introducing us to Becky @HairyArsedMan
Love love love (esp the handrawn prescriptions) 😂

Re sweeping off feet. I know there's love bombing potential with this but if im really into someone I want them to be just as into me. While I dont think it's wrong to be aware of things like love bombing, sometimes falling for someone hard is just that.

Some blokes an OLD apps sure are odd.

Nice initial chats toing & froing yesterday night having matched early evening.

Wake up to see they've gone. Unmatched overnight. Rude!

Haha @HairyArsedMan!
Def @Ruralbliss I can’t imagine some of these things ever work!

How do you go about suggesting a phone call (rather than text) or a date without sounding pushy. I just feel a bit pushy at but mainly I think it’s because I have limited child free time so means I sort of want to say when I’m free - any tips

@LongtimelurkerL I just say it early that I don't do texting without an early phonecall- try to get one in on same day as matching if it's an early in the day match.

Exchange enough info to check the intelligence and sense of humour then on the phone. I suggest meeting if I like the sound of them and we've had a great chat. If they're scared off by my being forthright then whatever they're not right for me.

But then I'm a natural leader and can't be doing with fannying around.

Not everyone is me.

Sorry. Worth saying that was my pre pandemic way of working I now ask them what their thoughts are re meeting and risks etc

And now it's all on hold. I can't see me suggesting I meet anyone until Covid under control now. Shame as I'm taking to a lovely sounding one now. I'll speak to him later. He'll be MrVid if it progresses beyond that

@LongtimelurkerL i just say straight out when initially texting and say shall we do a quick phone call. Then just mention when free. I know it's annoying when you want to plan but when someone is more last minute but with kids, you have to plan!

Re: lovebombing. I think there's a difference between rushing things like immediately being full on, saying you're off the apps versus saying you want to see how things go with one person. My ex was all flowers and chocolates when we met and it was crazy full on. I was completely swept away and I thought that was normal. Actually it wasn't at all. I think liking someone enough just to see how things go exclusively early on isn't lovebombing. It's a fine line as to what we feel comfortable with.

Ah sorry @Ruralbliss and @Eesha I mean with Mr Long Walk - we text almost everyday but I think it’d be nice to have a call but not sure how to approach without being pushy. I’d like him to suggest it really lols!

And yes agree with that re lovebombing. Lovebombing is extreme.

@LongtimelurkerL why not whilst texting, just say 'phone chat?'. Some people aren't really great on the phone tbh so keep that in mind. I used to worry if I'd be bothering Mr Yoga but actually we have got into a good routine now of chatting in the evening whilst he's pottering about and he now often suggests it.

@Eesha thanks that helps. I’m not usually such an over thinker - I find it easier when I don’t actually like the guy! Argh! Also, trying to do multidating but pretty hard given covid and now Xmas

@HairyArsedMan thanks for the link, that's my afternoon gone on reading Becky's Twitter

@LongtimelurkerL I'm probably not that unusual in that while I'm happy to speak on the phone, I'm also more than happy to continue chatting via text unless the other person suggests it. If you're keen for a phone call, then it's not pushy at all to suggest it.

I had a second date with Miss Rose on Saturday - she came to mine, and I cooked dinner. She ended up staying over, and we DTD.

I feel bad as something clicked during that, and has made me realise she's not for me. A couple of things she said, a couple of aspects about her once we were in bed, but my switch has been flicked off. But I feel bad now, as I know she's still keen to see me again - although Tier 4 and Christmas bubbles will make that more difficult even if I wanted to.

I need to man up and let her know, but this is one of the parts of dating I hate. There's no kind way of doing it, so I really should tell her today shouldn't I? I know I should, but just need a bit of moral support :(

I've also got to the point where I'm fed up with dating now, especially with Tier 4. I hate being hurt, and I hate hurting others. I just want to curl up alone (with my cats) and embrace being a crazy single cat dad. I'm going to take a break I think, and see how I feel in the new year.

@TheCatWithTheHat I’m not sure if I’m bothered on not by a call but seems like a ‘normal’ next step and would be nice to chat with him one evening.

Yes tell her ASAP! Def, nothing worse than thinking things and progressing while they’re not - everyone would much rather no. Just something simple like - ‘enjoyed last night but not sure I felt that special spark. Wish you all the best with your search and merry Christmas’ - tbh it doesn’t matter what you actually say

I always enjoy a call with someone, although it doesn't happen often - but some people just don't like speaking on the phone. I guess it depends what age they are too - I'm mid-40's, so grew up with phone calls, but I can imagine younger people may not do phone conversations

I'm definitely going to tell her - I'm mid-way through my 5th draft of the message... this isn't easy though.

@TheCatWithTheHat i would just say you didn't feel like it could go anywhere longer term. She's going to think you slept with her then dumped her unfortunately so there's nothing really you could say. I don't envy you writing that note.

I get where you are coming from about not hurting and not getting hurt. I believe that's what Mr Yoga felt before me, and he has a cat too! I do believe when there is a spark, you'll know it for sure.

Good luck cat and don't leave her hanging. Get that message sent as soon as you're happy with it. You'll make it kind and she'll be upset and then she'll be fine. And you'll be relieved.

Thanks. It's sent. I've tried to make it as kind as I can, but having been on the receiving end of similar messages I know how much they hurt however its worded.

A few of the things that put me off I could only have known after sleeping with her, so in a way it's good that it happened sooner rather than later after spending more time getting to know each other.