Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@sortingitout

I'm only pursuing something as I reckon he's dating others! I'd happily have the exclusive chat now we're sleeping together but I don't want to scare him off! He says he's not "putting it about" and doesn't have time for dating others. But don't they all say that?!?

@Whoknows11 - is there a rush with the dad guy? Can you put him off until after Xmas until clear what’s going on with your current iron? One point about WhatsApp, I’m on it quite a lot but involved in a local campaign group so might not be all it seems.

@Whoknows11
I dont want to sound like a mum but if you havent had the exclusive chat I hope you're practicing safe sex.

'Not putting it about' doesnt mean anything as you say.
I had loads of casual sex when i left my husband but I wouldnt have said i was putting myself about.
Unless he is working 24/7 then he would have time to date others because its only a few hours here and there.

If he would be scared off by you chatying to him about what you are then he is not worth it.
Have a look at the rules on the first post, one is about always speaking up and if you think it will ruin things then its not right for you.

I think you need to have a chat with him, about what you are.
You can be exclusive and not in a full relationship, likewise you can be exclusive and in a relationship.

Has anyone swapped numbers with someone and then had no response from a first WhatsApp message? How long would you leave it before a nudge?

@DudeFromThatLondon that’s a bit weird. I had similar a while ago, someone said they were deleting the app (after some convo) and would I like to swap to WhatsApp. Sure - sent a message, he replied, I replied and then vanished. People are weird

@Whoknows11 i would chat to him about it only because you read on here all the time about people who are expecting one thing and the other person isn't on the same page. I would leave School Dad till post new year when you'll certainly be clearer about your situation.

@sortingitout you sound very wise.

I'll take a look and have a think and see what I think later!

I think I'll go on another date and maybe that'll give me some clarity!

@LongtimelurkerL - that is a bit weird. Did you try and message more than once or just leave it? I'm quite keen on this one.

@lovellost I'd probably make a point about the level of chat after a while if he isn't instigating anything. Some people too clued about things and it needs to be spelt out.

Thanks for asking about Mr Yoga. We had a lovely 4hr chat last night and communication really feels like it has stepped up a lot. We can't really see each other up until Xmas due to him having to socially distance for family but I'm hoping we can see each other afterwards for some sort of xmassy thing. He has mentioned Xmas walks with his friends but it all sounds rather spontaneous which isn't easy when you have kids. I would love to go too plus have something sorted for NYE but he doesn't think ahead about such things. Also, there is the ghost of the LT ex who he refers to as having been married to and who was clearly a big part of his life and his family at the time. It does make me wonder whether I'll ever be much more to him but I just need to look at the present rather than the future.

@Eesha But surely if you are interested in someone, you would want to talk to them no matter how non clued up or laid back you are isn't it? Oh I don't know 🤷🏾‍♀️

I feel you re ex , it's really annoying. He did the same thing again last time I saw him and I told him it made me feel uncomfortable like I was the OW , he said it was a habit but never said it again so we will see . God knows why they do but hopefully MrYoga snaps out of it sooner than later. I have no plans for the New Year , just taking it as it comes really

@DudeFromThatLondon I would give it a day before messaging again . Has she read it ? I sometimes read messages but forget to reply , so it could be that

@DudeFromThatLondon yeah like @lovellost I’d leave it a day too

@lovelost. Think you're right, i should wait. I think she might be just busy, but yep, do have the dreaded blue tick.

@lovelost @LongtimelurkerL Thanks. :-)

@lovellost I agree about someone liking you and making regular contact but sometimes people just need a tiny push if you like them.

Thankfully Mr Yoga doesn't go on and on about exes (even though he's had a lot of exes!), it's just my own insecurity that our relationship is just starting out whereas that seemed long established. It's a bit hard to see where id fit in.

I've asked outright about if my iron is dating others, he's said no and if he was going on a date he'd let me know as he feels honesty is the best policy. He then asked me to which I was honest and said yes I've been asked on a date and he says he's cool with it!!

Is he really ok with it?

@Whoknows11
Well done for asking.
Hard to tell if he means it, he could actually be ok with it which would be odd if he liked you although maybe he knows that without agreeing to be exclusive he has no say....or he says he is ok but isn't.

Have you talked about what you are? Or are you both enjoying the moment?
Do you want a relationship or are you happy as FWB?

[quote Eesha]@lovellost I agree about someone liking you and making regular contact but sometimes people just need a tiny push if you like them.

Thankfully Mr Yoga doesn't go on and on about exes (even though he's had a lot of exes!), it's just my own insecurity that our relationship is just starting out whereas that seemed long established. It's a bit hard to see where id fit in.[/quote]
@Eesha as you are making new memories together , you will be taking over the old ones . You are the one he's choosing today and everyday for the foreseeable, so that's all that matter , although it's easier said than done

@Whoknows11 at least you know the score. Personally I'd feel a bit weird if my partner was also having sex with others but depends what you are ok with. It sounds like he's pretty ok with casual.

@Whoknows11 - why don’t you just ask him if he’s ok with going exclusive? You want that but seem to have told him that you’re seeing other people?

I'm back from 1st date with MrStone. It turned into a 3 hr stroll with coffees and cakes thrown in.
Nice time. He likes me.

I'm reminded of that School of Life YouTube clip which explains why those of us with bad childhoods feel meh about nice functional types and always subconsciously want to be with the bad 'uns. They feel good to us but they're not actually.

Joined Tinder yesterday and so far I've had 15 likes, 2 matches and 1 message. All the women on there seem like models, I'm a man. Call me cynical but is Tinder trying to pucker me up for the paid services?

@Ruralbliss that sounds like a great date

I don't know @LongtimelurkerL I'm in new territory with this one. I'm usually binary Yes or No after date 1 this time I'm not so sure so will proceed to Date 2 for more info. He's already asked me if we can get that in the diary but I'll let him press for it.

He asked one question. I'm my own worst enemy I think. V chatty and offer loads of info/funny stories.

I'm inclined to believe what others say about men vs woman. We are more inclined to have a checklist of must haves or preferences and therefore ask Qs to find out if they meet our needs. Men (apparently) go much more on whether they feel good in a woman's company and if yes then great and if not, bye 👋

He isn't my usual type physically so I'm not sure how I feel.

No worries though I'll just see what happens I think.

@Ruralbliss sounds very sensible. A second date to work it out.