Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@eesha how???

There is something about this time of year that makes the old irons come crawling back. Just had a string of messages from an iron I can't remember. The basis of he asked if I wanted to meet up, me saying I'm not looking to date at the moment so he suggests that we just have fun and don't stress about it. Polite text back from me that I'm not looking for the sort of fun he is suggesting. Read and not replied.

Now I'm expecting Mr France and Mr Dimples to pop back up sometime before Christmas. Happy to report that it has been months since Mr Caribbean tried to contact me.

@LongtimelurkerL I'm pretty blunt at times and would just twist the conversation a bit. I would say "we've had some brilliant dates but you haven't wanted to kiss me, was there any reason for this or was I getting completely the wrong idea about these dates"....

I'm blunt though.....I just find it easier to lay my cards on the table

I did similar with Mr P on date 3. I just came out with it and said look i really want to kiss you shall we ?
We were in the car and he couldn't undo his seat belt quick enough!

Everyone wishes they can fast forward through the pain of a breakup, but we can't set our clocks ahead

Bloody love the cheesy gold in Good Witch 😁

@LongtimelurkerL - surely he's just being Covid safe?

Maybe say "Shame about this Covid situation, otherwise I'd be expecting a kiss by now".

You don't want him to think you're happy to throw Covid caution to the wind if he's being serious about it.

'Sometimes silence is true wisdoms best reply'

I'm keeping this one too

@LongtimelurkerL - I remember MsS sent me a text asking what I thought about kissing. At the time I was a bit uncertain as to how things were going and it was a lovely text to receive. 😁

Thanks all! Fab advice as usual - I’d also rather know @Eesha

So 4th date went well and I like him however......I've mentioned a 5th date which he says he'll let me know when he's free however it's been 2 days now and still he's not let me know (still messaging me)! I like to busy myself when I don't have my children and I'm now pretty much booked up seeing friends etc. Would you be annoyed at him as he does know this? Would you also think he's not interested or just very laid back?
He says he's not actively pursuing others and is happy seeing where things go with us, but the sceptical in me isn't too sure how much I believe of that!
I got chatting to a dad from my children's school on tinder and he's asked me on a date. I'm very tempted to go as I feel I have nothing to loose and not completely sure what's happening with 4th date guy.
Also reading red flags on here, he's not very interested in me....doesn't ask too many questions but as I said he's v laid back so this could be mistaken for that!

Mmmm what do you guys think?

@Whoknows11 have you been affectionate yet etc? I'd be tempted to go on this other date if you are having reservations about the first one.

@eesha yes we've slept together on the last 2 dates!!

@Whoknows11 I have a the opposite of your problem , mine is keen to meet, he also said he's not actively pursuing anyone else but he doesn't message in between dates unless I initiate. It's driving me insane 😩. I am thinking i might as well give up.
I would say go on the date with school dad . I hope it goes well .

@lovellost how many dates have you been on?
Mine texts but not much and I feel I'm always instigating it. However as of today I'm not! Also not good as good old tinder has changed his distance to 20 miles away overnight so now I'm thinking all sorts!!

@Whoknows11 would you be upset if he was seeing anyone else? I'd probably ask the question and see how he sees things.

We've had a small chat about this without trying to be too serious and he says he's not! He says he's happy seeing how things go with us. However when we're not together it doesn't feel that way! He's on WhatsApp a lot, doesn't ask me too much about my day and like I said still hasn't organised s date for next week yet!

[quote Whoknows11]@lovellost how many dates have you been on?
Mine texts but not much and I feel I'm always instigating it. However as of today I'm not! Also not good as good old tinder has changed his distance to 20 miles away overnight so now I'm thinking all sorts!! [/quote]
We have had two dates so far . They were both in the same week. We are "seeing " each other again next week as I am child free . I have also decided to stop initiating. I would say go on the date with school dad . All eggs in one basket is never a good idea. I should take my own advice

Yes I reckon I will go on a dad with school dad and agree, all eggs in one basket is not a good idea sometimes!

I would be miffed if he's seeing someone else as he's said he's not but we aren't exclusive so I have no right to be upset!

@Ruralbliss good luck with your date today and have fun
@cravingthelook sorry to hear it didn't work out with MrFF

@LongtimelurkerL I am glad to hear you had a nice time on your date yesterday although there was no kiss . I would say next time you see him and hug goodbye, just go in for a peck . As others have said, he may be shy and is thinking you wouldn't want to.

@Eesha I hope you get to see MrYoga soon . Your dates updates always make me smile .

@Whoknows11
"I would be miffed if he's seeing someone else as he's said he's not but we aren't exclusive so I have no right to be upset!/-"

That's how I feel too but I am mentally preparing for it. Good luck on your date with school dad. Hope it goes well

@lovellost thank you, it's not going to be until early next week as I'm not child free until then

Yes I'm mentally preparing myself too 😔

@Whoknows11
Your post is rather contradictory...you would be miffed if he was seeing other people yet you're planning on going on a date with someone else.

Could you chat to him about what you are?

Generally in the early stages of dating most people are chatting and dating more than 1 person however once you're sleeping together it can change things.
Did you ask him if he is sleeping with others?

@Whoknows11 so we’re same number of dates but at very different stages lol - I can’t even get a kiss! I think go on the other date and see what happens. Always easy to advise others and hard to do it yourself I find.

Good luck @lovellost

@lovellost I think the masks aren’t helping!!! Will have to just go for it randomly during the date (a kiss I mean)

@UtterSocks
Its great that you and Mr Ginger are getting on great and having loads of sex but I'm concerned about your comment about sleep walking into a relationship with him.

You told him you didnt want a relationship until things with his ex wife were sorted/tidier but you're heading that way.

Remember your boundaries!!!
Just because he really likes you and actually cares about you doesnt mean you need to ignore the boundaries you set.
You are worth so much more and deserve a man who can commit 100% rather than only about 50%.
Dont get caught up in a messy situation when you're coming to the end of sorting your own messy situation.
Embrace the calm of this new chapter in your life💕