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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH had lunch with another woman

999 replies

pizzaandcats · 11/12/2020 20:19

Today my DH had a day off work while I was at home working (he gets a day off in the week if he is scheduled to work a weekend). He told me a few days ago that he would going out for a meal with some old work friends today. He also mentioned a little while ago that they were planning a team secret santa but then hasn't mentioned this since to say who he chose or that he was buying the gift (stay with me this will all be relevant in the end).

When he got back from the meal today he had a wrapped up present from his secret santa and told me it was from "A" (a woman he works with). I asked who he'd picked and he'd also coincidentally chosen "A".

When I asked who was at the meal he said it just ended up being him and "A" but that he did see some other people from the team before hand (I don't understand how he saw them before hand at a restaurant but they didn't stay for the meal. I didn't ask though as I felt like I'd quizzed him enough at this point).

Basically I am feeling uncomfortable about the fact that he went out for a meal just him and another woman and exchanged christmas presents. I just feel like he's been pretty vague about how it ended up being just the two of them and its quite a coincidence that they both chose each other in a secret santa too. Is my mind running away with me too much or is the situation very weird?

I also had to ask today what he bought for her as his present and usually he would just tell me or ask my advice on what he should buy.

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 12/12/2020 21:56

That is a remarkably ugly necklace, and it looks the sort to leave a green mark on your skin. It doesn't seem like the sort of thing you'd give to someone you were trying to impress, to be honest.

StarFriend · 12/12/2020 21:59

It's not just a necklace in the shape of the flower (which is what I was expecting). The fact its based on Van Goghs sunflowers makes it, I don't know, classier - or at least it feels like he's trying to make it a classier type of present. It isn't as tacky as the "you are my sunshine" ones. I would be uncomfortable if a married, male colleague gave it to me.

The "okayest colleague" also set off my spidey senses. You wouldn't give that to someone who it literally the "okayest colleague". The quality Street sweets she gave him - were they particular favourites of his?

Skittlebug · 12/12/2020 22:01

It's the thought that counts

pizzaandcats · 12/12/2020 22:02

No they're not a favourite. Probably least favourite out of celebrations/heroes etc.

OP posts:
pizzaandcats · 12/12/2020 22:02

And yes, he know my favourite flower but mostly knows I'm not keen on flowers at all

OP posts:
StarFriend · 12/12/2020 22:07

skittlebug indeed!

Does he normally do thoughtful and considered little gifts for people? Or is this very unusual behaviour for him?

pinkdragons · 12/12/2020 22:08

Well. It's an ugly necklace. And cheap.
So maybe not trying too hard to impress her.

Still a weird situation though.

pizzaandcats · 12/12/2020 22:09

He normally does. His presents for me are always very well thought out and he has bought some lovely presents for his mum and brother this year too. Difference being I know what he's bought them because he's shown me at the time

OP posts:
SillyUnMurphy · 12/12/2020 22:11

That’s a really fucking ugly necklace. Definitely not a romantic choice present. Does he usually have terrible taste?

StarFriend · 12/12/2020 22:11

Mmm, so she's bought him a glass that plays him down with "okayest colleague" and then throws in a handful of his least favourite chocolates....like she's being deliberately affectionate in a jokey way.

And, he's bought her a thoughtful little necklace etc.

I'm sorry OP, I don't think I'd like that at all.

MizMoonshine · 12/12/2020 22:14

I'd still be asking to see his messages, OP. It's him lying that raises the eyebrows. There's never smoke without a fire and that man is smoking.

Edel2019 · 12/12/2020 22:16

Oh OP I don't like it. I don't necessarily think something is going on, but it's far too familiar. Like a necklace? I'd be raging with him. That's an intimate present.

Ging7878 · 12/12/2020 22:21

Jesus Christ that necklace looks like something found on the titanic after it sank ....

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 12/12/2020 22:22

im a bit confused by how hideous both gifts sound/look to be honest. oddly that raises my suspicions. could it be a "who can get the worst gift" game? like is that necklace usually something your DH would think is nice?

peboh · 12/12/2020 22:22

I think you're being gaslight op, and unfortunately you'll falling for it hook line and sinker. I'd be paying attention to his friendship with this co worker.

DBML · 12/12/2020 22:28

It’s all weird to be honest. A diary; cheap ugly necklace and some chocolates. Sounds like the gifts I’d have bought for my nana when I was about 10. Dinner out in the street as well. If she was interested before, at least she won’t be now 😉

ELM8 · 12/12/2020 22:30

It just gets weirder. Go with your gut on this one - you were suspicious, and right to be because more details keep coming out and unfortunately I don't think you've got to the bottom of it yet.

Dinosaur19 · 12/12/2020 22:33

The necklace is a step too far IMO. What are you thinking now OP?

Plastichearts · 12/12/2020 22:39

Yes the necklace is a very personal present but now I’ve seen how cheap and hideous it is, I’m thinking maybe there is not so much to it. On the other hand, maybe he bought it thinking it looked more expensive than it was.

howdoyouknow123 · 12/12/2020 22:40

Is the diary equally as ugly?

Thismustbelove · 12/12/2020 22:41

I don’t think the necklace is about it being a necklace. Have they ever travelled together with work? Is it possible they went to the Van Gogh museum or to another gallery/exhibition together and this is some sort of reminder?

This necklace is a memory of some kind.

VenusTiger · 12/12/2020 22:49

@pizzaandcats as I asked up thread, have you asked him if he's "worried what colleague's bf will think of the thoughtful gifts? Her favourite flower-necklace"? I mean really! Surely her bf would be pissed off about that..... unless she's planning on lying too.

And who spends their day off with a work colleague anyway?

pizzaandcats · 12/12/2020 22:51

They have never travelled for work or anything like that. It's an office job with no travel. They used to work on the same team but now both work for different teams in the same company

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 12/12/2020 22:52

@pizzaandcats did you read the first 2 top reviews on the necklace? bought for a gf and daughter....... he's a muppet - even if he's not up to anything with his friend, this is going too far.

FlosCampi · 12/12/2020 22:53

I agree with you @Thismustbelove. When you search for "sunflower jewellery " on Amqzon, it is several pages in. If you search "van gogh jewellery" however, it's the very first item. Stereotyping based on my ex husband, that's a nice easy gift for a man to buy