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Relationships

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Original poster

How did you know you had found "the one"

135 replies

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 11/12/2020 15:00

I always find these threads lovely. So how did you know? Was it a instant feeling, more or a slow burner? Was it something they did that made you realise?

I think after 30 years I've finally found my one! I have never felt this way before. And I felt it from the moment I met them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 11/12/2020 15:42

Would anyone like to share?

OP posts:

frozendaisy · 11/12/2020 16:19

I felt a better person with him than at any time before

PortraitOfAWoman · 11/12/2020 16:28

I don't believe in the one. I had a few men I'd have liked to stay with with they weren't ready or if they were I changed my mind. It's more about right man/ right time for both people.

PortraitOfAWoman · 11/12/2020 16:30

After 30 years? Looking from the day you were born or when you started dating?

CorianderQueen · 11/12/2020 16:37

Slow burner to get together but when we did it quickly became apparent that we were each others family. Couldn't imagine myself with any other human.

CorianderQueen · 11/12/2020 16:39

I also don't believe in the one as a theory though...

Janegirl89 · 11/12/2020 16:39

Everybody says ‘you’ll know when you meet the one’ I used to not know what they meant I used to look at my boyfriends and think I like you lets see where this goes.
But when you meet the one you just know. I knew on our first date - I wouldn't say I was in love and I was still trying to figure out if i liked him in a weird way but at the same time something in my gut told me ‘this is your man, this is the man you will marry’
When you meet the one you will know. Having them by your side makes you a better person, they will push you out of your comfort zone and show you parts of yourself you hadn’t yet discovered. You will feel safer with this person than any person before. It will just click in your heart and you will know thats what has been missing

Original poster

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 11/12/2020 16:40

Oh yes good point 😂 OK 15 years I guess then

OP posts:

Trailing1 · 11/12/2020 16:41

As I was getting to know him, I was struck by how he was just such a decent person, with a very calm nature and a warmth that I was drawn to.

It probably sounds cliched but he has a good heart. Unfortunately my diagnosis of depression has caused us alot of issues and pain in our relationship, amazingly though he is still here by my side.

Beamur · 11/12/2020 16:42

Slow burn over a few months. He was probably keener than me to start with, which was flattering, but we've been together nearly 20 years now and I still like him and find him interesting. It's the shared values to start with and the shared history over time.
I find the prospect of getting to know someone else to this extent again not an appealing thought! Guess that makes him a keeper

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/12/2020 16:42

Congratulations on finding love OP.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 11/12/2020 16:43

On our second date, he walked me home two miles in the opposite direction to where he lived (he lived across the road from the pub we were in), and stood outside the front door talking to me until it became light. The fact that he didn't push to come in, and was quite happy just talking about all sorts, was a good sign for me and I think it was then that I realised he was a keeper.

Ohalrightthen · 11/12/2020 16:43

I knew i loved him and wanted to be with him longterm, but i was 20 so didn't know if he was "the one" until we had dinner at my grandparents, with my sister.

We were having fish, which my sister can only stomach if it doesn't have skin on (makes her think about mermaids) and he was carrying the plates in after my granny had - he took them all in but one, and then came back into the kitchen and took the skin off my sister's fish. He carried her plate into the dining room and i looked at him and knew i was going to marry him.

PortraitOfAWoman · 11/12/2020 16:45

@Janegirl89

Everybody says ‘you’ll know when you meet the one’ I used to not know what they meant I used to look at my boyfriends and think I like you lets see where this goes. But when you meet the one you just know. I knew on our first date - I wouldn't say I was in love and I was still trying to figure out if i liked him in a weird way but at the same time something in my gut told me ‘this is your man, this is the man you will marry’ When you meet the one you will know. Having them by your side makes you a better person, they will push you out of your comfort zone and show you parts of yourself you hadn’t yet discovered. You will feel safer with this person than any person before. It will just click in your heart and you will know thats what has been missing

I think that is quite sad.

What you are saying is that you cannot be a whole person or fulfil your potential without a man to help you along the way.

It's an incredibly dated way to look at marriage or a life long partnership.

Feel safe? Push you out of your comfort zone?

Maybe you felt that way but it's a pretty sad admission that you couldn't achieve the best version of yourself without a man.

HallFloor · 11/12/2020 16:48

I think the idea of "the one" is really damaging for women, it creates unrealistic expectations and results in too many women falling for men who are good at courtship rather than actually decent men. That "the one" feeling can't last forever.

DH has been there for me through thick and thin, supported my career and study, done more than his share at home, been an excellent father, good company. Was I supposed to want something else from him for the last 30 years or do these characteristics make him the one for me? I'm sure he'd have been just as good for someone else.

bunintheoven88 · 11/12/2020 16:49

@Ohalrightthen
That is so lovely

The night I met my partner I hadn't long split with my narc ex and ended up going out and getting very worse for wear with my friends, I went to the outside area for a minute and as I opened the door I slipped and fell into a heap on the floor, he scooped me up straight away and sat me on the bench next to him and went and got a plaster off the bouncer for my scraped knee.
That was the moment for me

movingonup20 · 11/12/2020 16:49

I thought exh was the one, he wasn't. When I met dp online it seemed great, when we met in person I just knew, that first meeting. He tells me he knew before we met in person.

BettyCrockaShit · 11/12/2020 16:49

I worked part-time at a shop about 15 years ago - my now DP worked there full time. Always liked him, but didn't think he would be interested. I distinctly remember one day just looking at him and thinking 'yep, he's the one you want the future to be with' but couldn't bring myself to tell him. I'd just broken up with a total prick of a boyfriend who had worn down any sense of self-worth and couldn't for the life of me see how he would be interested.

10 years later a mutual friend intervened on a night out when we spotted him. Said friend marched up to him, said hello, then ordered us to go on a date IMMEDIATELY and that was that. We're getting married next year.

I waited so long for it to come right, but I don't regret any of it.

Janegirl89 · 11/12/2020 16:50

@PortraitOfAWoman I dont mean it like that. You can of course be whole by yourself.

Its just when you are with the right person they help you to become the best version of yourself. If the person you are with doesn’t do this then what is the point in being with them?

Original poster

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 11/12/2020 16:51

@portraitofawomen I don't think it's sad at. Its our instinct to want a companion in life. Of course you can be those things without one but I guess it's lovely to have support and be happy in the company of someone you know that loves you

OP posts:

PortraitOfAWoman · 11/12/2020 16:52

^^ I agree with @HallFloor

There is no such thing as 'the one'.

There are men (if we are sticking with straight) who will come into your life and who you think could be a keeper. But it's got to be the right time for both of you (you both want the same thing at the same time.)

I could have married possibly 3 men who I loved deeply but each had their 'faults' - baggage, too young, too old, unavailable....

DH and I were slow burn. I was ready to settle down after a few serious relationships had ended, he wasn't quite ready, we split up after 18 months, I dated other men, then DH woke up to the idea he was losing me. That was 30 years ago.

bunintheoven88 · 11/12/2020 16:52

@HallFloor
You make a good point, but for me that was just the moment I knew he was a good man, everything else that came after just cemented it. Four years later a house and baby and I still know he is the one.

PortraitOfAWoman · 11/12/2020 16:54

[quote Peanutbutterjelly10]@portraitofawomen I don't think it's sad at. Its our instinct to want a companion in life. Of course you can be those things without one but I guess it's lovely to have support and be happy in the company of someone you know that loves you [/quote]
Your summary isn't what you said in your longer post though.

You came over as not just wanting to be loved, but 'made whole' by another person in a way you couldn't achieve by yourself. That's not right.

Kippure · 11/12/2020 16:56

@PortraitOfAWoman

After 30 years? Looking from the day you were born or when you started dating?

I agree with those that 'the one' is nonsense, and that there are an infinite number of people out there with whom you could have a satisfying and successful relationship. I could say I found 'the one' at 19, but that would be ridiculous. It's truer to say I met someone I liked at 19, and who liked me, and in the almost 30 years since then we've gone on liking one another, pushing one another out of our comfort zones, taking it in turns to follow one another around the world and prioritising one another's careers, and having a child together and continuing to have a lot to say to one another and be interested in one another.

But I've certainly also met other people who could have been 'the one' for me, had I not met him, and with whom I would have had a differently good life, and (presumably) a differently beloved child. I assume my lovely DH would also have been his excellent self had he met and married someone else.

LuckyNumberThirteen · 11/12/2020 16:57

I just knew.

I didn't in believe it until we met but I just did.

We worked together and it took three months for it to happen because he wouldn't talk to me!

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