Hi GUP,
"Attila. In all fairness you only see what I post on here.
Yes and I respond accordingly.
"This is probably my fault as when things are going well and he's not drinking I don't feel the need to come on here so much. I tend to post on here more when things are at their worst but in between times things are great between us".
But the underlying problems still remain even though he is "okay" in your mind at times.
"P is essentially a good man with a problem".
But he is not your problem ultimately
"I have driven myself mad trying to 'cure' him"
Yes I know. Big mistake. Huge.
"and when I wasn't doing that I was trying to cut contact with him but all it was doing was upsetting me and affecting dc".
You were upset so your children were as well. They want to see their Mummy to be happy.
"This way I am cutting the bad side of him out of my life while still spending time with him when he is sober".
Hmm. I think at heart you are kidding yourself here. However, I think you are set on this so hopefully it won't blow up in your face. But if it does I won;t say I told you so.
"I haven't forgotten what he's done in the past (far from it!)"
Good because I certainly remember what he did.
"but I'm trying to move on from it and I'm not going to put myself in that position with him again".
But what about him, what's he done since?.
Where's his sense of responsibility for his actions? You're always seemingly responsible for him. You are NOT responsible for him. Only to your own self and to your children.
"I was talking to a friend about this at the weekend and she said that children need to see all aspects of life in order to form their own opinions about what they want to be in their future. I'm not sure I totally agree with this but she does have a point".
Well this is an aspect of their life they don't need. Children patently do not need to see alcoholism in adult figures regardless of who they are at such a tender age. It affects their attitudes markedly particularly when it comes to forming relationships. Children as well learn about relationships first and foremost from their own parents.
"They know that when he's not here he is more than likely in the pub
Well GUP if that is not bloody sad then I don't know what is. That after all is where he spends most of his social time when not working. Your children are very perceptive.
" but they have me and their dad and fantastic grandparents in their lives too so its not as if he is the only male they are looking up to". Good, the more decent male role models they have the better.
"Thanks for looking out for me and I do appreciate you mean well".
Am glad you realise this.
"My Mum always says that nobody is all bad and she taught me to see the good in everybody and that everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe I'm taking that advice to the extreme here but its the only way I can get through this at the moment, by ignoring the bad side of P and concentrating on the good, loving man he can be".
What was it really like growing up in your house?. You don't have to answer that. Your Mum likely gave your Dad plenty of chances. Am not saying that P is all bad but how many more chances are you prepared to give before you've finally had enough of his shenanigans?. He's out of your house thankfully but he's not out of your life. Its like you're dependent on each other - can't be together and can't be apart. You've learnt patterns. You're going round in circles and he's milking this for all he's worth. By choosing to only see the good side you ignore the underlying problems at your peril. The reality of his alcoholism is far too painful still for you to fully contemplate so you go around in circles.
It took your Mum a long time to separate from your alcoholic Dad, you're repeating the pattern because you're now the Mother. And that to me is the saddest thing of all.
Apart from anything else you and your children deserve a man who is not drink dependent.
If nothing else I hope I give another perspective.
Attila x