So the the grass belonging to the OW wasn't really greener then was it?!

[jemimathecat]

This is light hearted post but I just wanted to hear if there were any stories out there where your partner/spouse went off with the OW and the grass suddenly turned to mud?!!
After being deeply hurt, I now find myself chuckling when I think of the ex (mid 50's) back to changing nappies and sleepless nights and telling his mother that he has no time for himself and cannot BELIEVE how expensive baby formula is!!
Most of his friends are driving sports cars and have grown up kids (like we also do) yet the only thing he's driving is a new double buggy ! LOL!

Were you though?
Suggest you stay away from personal attacks since they contravene MN site rules.

There's one thing I won't waste my time with and that's arguing with low IQ simpletons, so I'm out.

You are just embarrassing yourself now. If you cannot have a disagreement without resorting to personal insults then you are right to leave.

I don’t feel sorry for the poster at all.

It's all getting a bit personel, I'm sure @JaneM8888 doesn't actually mean she's glad the OW had a miscariage and a cot death child.

Nobody would in their right minds. I do think she is try to defend herself against all the odds and feels cornered.

So whilst I do agree Jane has used some unfortunate language to describe the series of traumatic events that occured to her exh and ow, by her own actions, she hasn't actually done anything wrong.
She's never hurt anyone as far as we know, she was the wronged party.

For all we know Jane maybe suffering with terrible mental health problems from all that occured to her.
We can criticise her for being blunt and insensitive with her choice of words but it seems people are piliing in on her as though she's a murderer.

The terrible, unfortunate circumstances that mother nature inflicted on that family are not Jane's fault, those circumstances also do not absolve the exh and ow from the devastation the exh has left behind.
His children are victims also., I think Jane is feeling very protective of her own children.

I would never insult someone by saying they wished children dead, whoever they were born by.

It's all getting a bit personel, I'm sure @JaneM8888 doesn't actually mean she's glad the OW had a miscariage and a cot death child.

She isn't celebrating a child's death. She just isn't sorry that the parents are miserable. It's not the same thing.

May be my critical thinking skills have passed their best before date, but I can't make that distinction. She's celebrating because the ex's life hasn't turned out a bed of roses, but two of the things she's mentioned as examples involve the death of a child.

By all means gloat over everything and anything else that's happened to them that's made him realise the grass isn't greener, but exclude the death and miscarriage. That lacks humanity for the children.

Well she mentioned the child’s death in several (thankfully now deleted) posts. Plus went on to blame the parents for said child’s death, and she actively said that if the dh hadn’t had an affair then there wouldn’t be a dead baby.

Fortunately MNHQ have now deleted all her posts on this thread, but I’m sorry, if you are going to put views out there that are that abhorrent, then you should expect some criticism.

I think the person who suggested narcissistic injury/rage is spot on. @JaneM8888 seek help.

Ex husband left me for his children's mother..you know, the one that used to slap him, scream at him and make him do the cooking and cleaning when he finished his extremely tough job cus she slept while the kids were at school. That didn't work out though. Shocker! Hes spoken to my family since, they have informed him im nicely settled with my gorgeous kind hearted man, and even more gorgeous baby

@Naz588

No bias here either way as still married to 1st husband and never been OW either. But...

...people who are arguing over whether these men really do regret the choices they made to be with OW - has it never occurred to you that exH is probably just saying this to continue to play you and the current wife off against each other? I’m sure he’s giving it “I’m so much happier with my new family; you’re so different as a mother to my first wife” to the new one, while ensuring that he gives you just enough negative information to keep you interested/invested in his life. In fairness, it’s worked like charm because it has brought you to a public forum to talk about someone who doesn’t care a jot about you.

People who put the hurt caused by an affair on par with the hurt caused by the death of a child - you are abhorrent. Are you honestly saying it would have felt the same to lose your child as it did to learn of your husband’s affair? If you are, then it’s your children who miss out on the sense of incomparable love a mother should feel for her children. No man should even come close to this amount of love (no matter how long he strings you along for)!

MumsnetHQ - this one surely needs shutting down now?

From what I've seen there's no play off, the men aren't that smart. Hence being in that situation in the first place!

Can we agree to set aside Jane's post and get back to the thread?

Certainly intriguing readings

@silvetmoon I think it’s naive to believe that men don’t play women off against each other. Actions speak louder than words: if he was as unhappy with OW as he was with first wife, then he’d leave. I wouldn’t believe a word of it until he buggered off again.

[quote Naz588]@silvetmoon I think it’s naive to believe that men don’t play women off against each other. Actions speak louder than words: if he was as unhappy with OW as he was with first wife, then he’d leave. I wouldn’t believe a word of it until he buggered off again.[/quote]
I'm sure it happens, but I think it's rare. The instances I know of the men were staying with the OW because they didn't want to split the finances again! And this time were afraid of losing custody - again for the same reason - finances. Plus, if you're telling everyone EXCEPT the OW that you're miserable and regret everything, well, majority rules....

I think it’s naive to believe that men don’t play women off against each other.

Oh goodness, anyone who doesn't think this happens must have been walking around with their head in a block of stone with a blindfold tied over it. It's hugely common.

@PrincessNutNutRoast

I think it’s naive to believe that men don’t play women off against each other.

Oh goodness, anyone who doesn't think this happens must have been walking around with their head in a block of stone with a blindfold tied over it. It's hugely common.

Absolutely they do . Some will even try to make women feel like they are competing for their attention with waitresses , porn or any other women if they can’t get other RL women involved. This is incredibly common nowadays and goes in hand with the mentality that also thinks ‘negging ‘ is a great way to get women to keep in line and be pliable

@Allergictoironing Did he heck introduce us I've never actually spoken to the woman in all the time they've been together, infact he denied they was even together, even when they were living together he used to come up with elaborate plans for myself and the dc to come round his a few nights a week and have "family time"
It still makes me laugh now, i don't know why he was denying her because I knew about her long before the OW did.

Great post onthedunes

That vicious pile on to a clearly traumatised mumsnetter was far nastier than any feelings she anonymously vented about 2 adults who repeatedly harmed her and her children. Really nasty stuff.

Agreed PicsInRed

@PicsInRed

That vicious pile on to a clearly traumatised mumsnetter was far nastier than any feelings she anonymously vented about 2 adults who repeatedly harmed her and her children. Really nasty stuff.

No, it really wasn't worse than revelling in the death of a baby.

@PicsInRed

That vicious pile on to a clearly traumatised mumsnetter was far nastier than any feelings she anonymously vented about 2 adults who repeatedly harmed her and her children. Really nasty stuff.

Word, sister

@PicsInRed

That vicious pile on to a clearly traumatised mumsnetter was far nastier than any feelings she anonymously vented about 2 adults who repeatedly harmed her and her children. Really nasty stuff.

Yes, a bunch of strangers calling someone out for celebrating a baby's death are clearly worse than the person celebrating a baby's death. You have no idea who is reading or commenting, or whether they've experienced the death of a child. The idea that the death of an innocent child is somehow 'karma' for their parents is vile. As is anyone defending the poster.

That poster did not celebrate a baby's death. My child died at just under 1 year old. I found that pile on vile - do not presume to speak for bereaved parents.