So the the grass belonging to the OW wasn't really greener then was it?!

[jemimathecat]

This is light hearted post but I just wanted to hear if there were any stories out there where your partner/spouse went off with the OW and the grass suddenly turned to mud?!!
After being deeply hurt, I now find myself chuckling when I think of the ex (mid 50's) back to changing nappies and sleepless nights and telling his mother that he has no time for himself and cannot BELIEVE how expensive baby formula is!!
Most of his friends are driving sports cars and have grown up kids (like we also do) yet the only thing he's driving is a new double buggy ! LOL!

I wish there was a like button frazzled. That made me laugh

I agree we need a like button 😂

@formerbabe No not seriously sick, if I was sick I would be happy about it and gloating. Having no sympathy and gloating are two totally different things!

[quote wewillmeetagain]@formerbabe No not seriously sick, if I was sick I would be happy about it and gloating. Having no sympathy and gloating are two totally different things![/quote]
You said 'what goes around, comes around'. Do you really think the death of a child is what someone deserves for being unfaithful?

[quote Startingoveryetagain]@Frazzledasarock he sounds just like my ex, before I told him I had a boyfriend he was convinced that I was still desperately in love with him and so jealous that he'd had another child.
He's now demanding to meet said boyfriend, just to see if he's suitable to have around my dc even though he hasn't seen them in months because his girlfriend cries or constantly calls him when he's with them.[/quote]
So did he bring his new GF round for your "approval" when he first started going out with her?

Wow this thread took a nasty turn.

It’s one thing feeling a bit smug that an ex who previously did nothing for his kids is now knee-deep in nappies and sleepless nights etc etc.

Feeling smug over the death of a baby and a person being admitted to a psychiatric unit is on another scale, and tbh, given that attitude I can see why the husband left that poster.

Remember, while many affairs come out of nowhere, many are not black and white, and often there are behaviours within a relationship which end up with a person having an affair and subsequently leaving.

All ex wives are not 100% victim, sometimes a bit of self examination is in order here, and a poster who can suddenly feel happy about the death of a baby is likely that kind of person and just wasn’t a very nice person in the first place, hence why the DH probably left.

And no, I am not nor have ever been an OW.

So, it's back to being the wife's fault her h had an affair, because she's such an awful person? Maybe she was nicer before being shat on!

It’s not about opportioning blame, it’s about recognising that in some instances there are two sides to a story.

There are women too who have affairs because they e.g. are in abusive relationships. An affair is absolutely not the answer, but neither should an affair wipe out any realisation of wrongdoing on the part of the other party if there was any.

And if it’s not the wife’s fault he had an affair, neither is it the husband’s fault that she’s a bitter vindictive, unpleasant person.

Where is her sympathy for her children who have lost a sibling for instance?

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I'm not a person who confines affair. They are awful, destructive things. I've known two people who had breakdowns ( one who completed suicide), due to an affair. But to say that the death of a child is karma is absolutely unconscionable and a person who is able to complete that thought to the stage of writing it on a forum needs to take a good look at themselves.

Condones not confines

Wow, ow's baby died? That is awful and not karma. Id feel so sorry for her. I honestly would. That is just way too buge a punishment. I wouldnt go round offering sympathy though, even though i felt it.

My friend's father had an affair which resulted in a child. Unfortunately this child was born at a time when my friend's mother had recently had a still birth. My friend never viewed her father's affair baby as her sibling - there was no pre existing relationship or emotional bond there. Not everyone sees half siblings as siblings - it very much depends upon the circumstances of each family.

That’s true. My DC don’t think of ex’s DC, let alone consider them as brothers/sisters.

They'd not recognise them or honestly care in any way for them apart from as they would for complete strangers.

There’s no relationship at all.

I cannot believe I've actually read that someone deserved a cot death due to having an affair with someones husband. Christ.

Talk about narcissistic injury and rage!

It was more than an affair though. The ow was abusive in front of the poster's children and vandalised her car. If the poster cannot bring herself to feel sympathy, I don't think she should be condemned for it. The ex and OW really put her and her DC through the mill.
The poster didn't cause their situation or even actively wish it on them - she just doesn't care if they suffer. Which is not the same as not caring about the child itself.

MrsHunt karma is thinking people get what they deserve, this is why it’s unpalatable (at a minimum).

That’s true. My DC don’t think of ex’s DC, let alone consider them as brothers/sisters. just because yours don’t, doesn’t mean that others don’t. It’s only in an ideal world where everyone including the children will hate the OW and want nothing more to do with their father, but in the real world many children do retain a relationship with their father, and with the OW, and with subsequent children, in fact there are even posts on here from posters who say that even though their father had the affair, it was by far their mother who made things worse by poisoning them against him, etc etc.

Being glad a baby died is hideous, I don’t care what the poster went through beforehand, her subsequent reaction cancels out any hurt she was entitled to.

The behaviour of ow and ex was unpalatable (at a minimum) too. I can't condemn a woman who feels they deserved what they got. And if it's true that they were heavy smokers in a house with a newborn, then they were the ones putting their own baby at risk.
Other people, who weren't subject to their bullying (which resulted in police involvement) can afford to feel compassion, but the victim doesn't have to. Some people really do deserve miserable lives and there's no moral obligation to feel sad for them, especially when they are architects of their own misfortune. Obviously the kids involved deserved better and that is the only distinction to be made for me.

I can't condemn a woman who feels they deserved what they got.

Death of a baby? I couldn’t disagree more. I find that so callous not really worth discussing further. Well just have to disagree.

She's not glad that the baby died though. She's just glad that the couple are miserable.

Karma is someone deserving what they get.

So did they deserve it?

This thread really needs to go now IMO.

It’s one thing to be smug that someone hasn’t had the life they thought they would have, it’s quite another to say that someone deserved for their baby to die or that they don’t deserve sympathy purely because they had an affair.

If a woman posted on the bereavement board that she had lost a baby to SIDS and it emerged that she and her husband had got together because of an affair, would people tell her she didn’t deserve sympathy and that it was karma? I sincerely hope not, but unfortunately judging by some of the responses on this thread I’m not so sure.

@AlternativePerspective

That’s true. My DC don’t think of ex’s DC, let alone consider them as brothers/sisters. just because yours don’t, doesn’t mean that others don’t. It’s only in an ideal world where everyone including the children will hate the OW and want nothing more to do with their father, but in the real world many children do retain a relationship with their father, and with the OW, and with subsequent children, in fact there are even posts on here from posters who say that even though their father had the affair, it was by far their mother who made things worse by poisoning them against him, etc etc.

Being glad a baby died is hideous, I don’t care what the poster went through beforehand, her subsequent reaction cancels out any hurt she was entitled to.

I don’t hate the other woman. She doesn’t actually invoke any emotion maybe relief she got together with ex and gave me a way to get free.

The only point I was ever annoyed with her is when she wrote to court saying I was fifty percent responsible for ex violence against me and my children.

And my point stands. Many children who’s fathers are utter dicks do not have any kind of relationship with their step-siblings.
So they really wouldn’t feel anything beyond what one would feel for a stranger for them.

I’ve seen a lot of children be incredibly hurt and screwed up as they’re forced to watch their father play great daddy bollocks to his new family. It’s something I’ve ensured my DC do not have to put up with or feel hurt by.

It's not just the affair though is it? It's all the other stuff they did. I doubt that poster would feel as strongly if it was just an affair. But if you were the victim of someone trashing your car, watching your house, shouting abuse at your kids in the garden and you ended up having to call the police, would you still feel compassion? I don't think I would. Especially of it turned out that said couple had done something that is closely linked to SIDS.
All my sympathies would be with the poor baby, not the parents.