Has anyone stopped online dating?

[XmasHollie]

It's so boring!! I've deleted my account. anyone else?

Online dating can be pretty soul destroying and you have to be pretty thick skinned and not take things too personally, but things do work out. I did it for a few years on and off and met my now husband on pof when I was 36. For me the key thing was being selective about who I talked to and meeting up fairly quickly (within a week) so I didnt get to invested. Try not to lose hope. But take a break when you need to!

I did OLD in my early 30s. I think the profiles that look decent were either fake or players.

That leaves you with the rest - barely literate Neanderthals.

I hated it.

Met DP randomly. Not sure how to do it the moment but I'd say get out as much as you can, as it means you meet more people randomly.

For me the key thing was being selective about who I talked to and meeting up fairly quickly (within a week) so I didnt get to invested.

And........

barely literate Neanderthals.

I think these are so true. Trouble is, I’m in a tier 3 area so can we meet???

I am talking to one person who has great spelling and grammar. It matters!

I am talking to one person who has great spelling and grammar. It matters!

A rare find on OLD!

It’s become as dull as dishwater.

Maybe it’s COVID - if there’s no chance of a normal-ish date then probably no point TBH.

If it's not fun stop. OLD can be soul destroying. I gave up many a time took a break spent time on myself then went back as I really wanted to meet someone. Eventually thankfully I did but there was so much crap before hand.

I'm resigned to being alone at this point. Good job I like my own company isnt it

@BlueDaysTillChristmas

For me the key thing was being selective about who I talked to and meeting up fairly quickly (within a week) so I didnt get to invested.

And........

barely literate Neanderthals.

I think these are so true. Trouble is, I’m in a tier 3 area so can we meet???

I am talking to one person who has great spelling and grammar. It matters!

The last one I spoke to properly had great spelling and grammar, he was so good at chatting too. Shame he turned out to be just another messed up bloke on an app and then vanished on me (he had major issues anyone that has been on the OLD in your 40's thread knows about him).

@Isitreally77

No one wants me either, it's rubbish. There was one guy I'd been talking to for a while, we really connected and I honestly thought it might actually go somewhere. Lo and behold two weeks ago he stopped messaging, I've heard nothing from him since, he didn't even have the decency to tell me thanks but no thanks. It hurts more than I had imagined it would. I asked someone out earlier in the year (someone I knew in the flesh) and he said no and I was fine with it.

I think sometimes you can chat with someone online and build a connection with them that you don't get with someone in the flesh. It also makes it much easier for people to take the cowards way out and just stop messaging.

I am sorry that a coward treated you like that. Ghosting is for the cowardly, he wasn't good enough for you.

[Flowers]

Guess I've got to give up on any dream of having another child

@Tomorrowisanotherdayyouknow thank you, I cried a lot about it last week. This week I'm feeling a bit better about it, he lost out on someone that would have been good for him.

@XmasHollie I wanted to have a child, I'm just about to give up on that dream as at 43 I've not got much time left.

[Flowers] a really good man, that shows you your worth might be just around the corner @XmasHollie

My very best wishes to you

@boyfromthenorthcountry

Have you tried less swipey, more serious sites? As a 48 year old divorcee I'd be delighted to date a 34 year old.

Most 34 year old women aren't looking to date 48 year old men though. 🤷‍♀️

@XmasHollie

Guess I've got to give up on any dream of having another child

You're 34. Easily 8+ years left, or even up to 18 or more years (I know, what a horrifying thought) at the outside.

boyfromthenorthcountry, you're part of the problem I'm afraid, and you're not a 'boy' from anywhere.

Trick with the apps such as ti der is to treat it like chatting to someone you bump in to at a bar. Dont expect most of them to be someone youd get involved with, and expect many to just want a shag. However I met my amazing girlfriend on their 6 months ago, and wouldn't have met without it. It obviously has many downsides, but you may well meet someone you're compatible with.

After a year and a half completely disconnected from the OLD sites I reconnected out of vague curiousity, opting for a over 50s site here in France as I've just turned 52.

My heart is not in it at all. I truly believe I'm more comfortable holding on to the hope of an off-chance real life encounter than relying on virtual contact. It just feels like a job interview with no pleasure involved whatsoever.

I am chatting currently with a man six years my senior who is a history teacher and now full-time writer. He's Spanish. I must confess being wary of French men. I've been living here for over 22 years, my ex husband is French and am half French myself so I really am basing my opinion on valid experience. There is so much game playing and flirting involved more often than not.

This Spanish man is proving to be patient (I'm especially busy this month) is very literate and kind sounding but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop off and I can't muster any enthusiasm for meeting up during this period of winter lockdown. I know he wants to come over to my house for our first meet-up. I have told him that's not going to happen. At least I've learned good personal boundary skills and have worked on myself whilst single. I am not stringing him along, btw, I'm trying to keep an open mind about this dating malarky but negative experience weighs heavily.

I think this thread has given me the small push I need to erase my OLD profile. I want to believe that love is still possible but I'd rather just rely on fate or whatever; not digital depression.

I got a dog instead. Best decision I ever made. I had enough after 2/3 years of that.

There are no doubt some good men Online but these diminish greatly once you get past 40. There will be the odd one who comes back onto the market but they literally do have hundreds of women to choose from. They can be very selective and this usually involves being slim and pretty and usually 10 years younger.

When I did OLD I also looked at the women on the sites to see what the competition was like and found that there were far more attractive women than men on there. Men posing with Fish, on their bikes with sunglasses on or with a beer in the hand. Yak! It’s full of married men too.

I feel your pain but giving it up was the best thing I ever did!

I gave up a few weeks ago as it was making me depressed and I'm not normally depressed! It was mainly populated by really thick men lying about their ages. You are not telling me that so many 37-38 year olds resemble 60 years olds? But so so stupid, as in being unable to hold even the most basic conversation on current affairs or even what areas of the country are nice to visit. Really not very well travelled or interested in many things.

Often very bossy/controlling over messaging and ask you things like "do you smoke/have children/have tattoos etc even though your profile says that you don't but they never, every ask you what you do for work or if you have any hobbies. And very unattractive too.

Or those prissy metrosexual men who hold themselves in great esteem and assume that every woman is out to get their claws into them in a death grip for their 50k salary and 1 bedroom flat, so they talk about themselves constantly and consider themselves a great prize. Very unfanciable and often not particularly attractive either (although they always think they are God's gift).

Then theres the trust fund guys/playboy type who are "bad at relationships". But they usually aren't on dating sites so I can meet them if I want without them.

I just don't want to be contaminated by online dating. That is literally what it made me feel like.

I gave it up about a month ago. I’m 37 with a toddler. Had quite a few dates but nothing that stuck. One guy really got under my skin but he was emotionally unavailable and that did hurt but taught me some great lessons and boundaries.

I’ve just, today, ended something with a guy I’ve been chatting too for about 3 months. Great texter, texts all the time but makes little effort to meet up (where we can) and isn’t interested in getting to know me/tell more about himself. I get the impression he’s married...at best he has very little time for meeting, so he’s gone.

I have made a couple of good friends though. One guy I dated a few times. He’s absolutely great on paper but we didn’t click in a romantic way. However, he’s turned into a great friend. He’s really got my back and we text everyday.

I’ve met far too many time wasters this year. I’m genuinely happier on my own and I have no intention of going there again anytime soon! It’s a pain in the ass 😬

Or those prissy metrosexual men who hold themselves in great esteem and assume that every woman is out to get their claws into them in a death grip for their 50k salary and 1 bedroom flat, so they talk about themselves constantly and consider themselves a great prize

well spotted Greenland! And the alternative - neathandreal. I do OLD occasionally, but never sign up for more than a month at a time. The nausea has usually ramped up to breaking point by then ...

Occasionally I peek for 24 hours and then delete, delete, delete.

Last time I managed 1 hour!

Me! I've stopped online dating as its made me detest men sadly. I've had my heart broken and I'm sick to my soul of men just wanting no strings sex, ghosting, love bombing, being judged for my height and size and just generally shitty behaviour. I've had men ask vile, personal questions and then reject me for the most pathetic reasons. After a year of this I've well and truly had enough.

I know he wants to come over to my house for our first meet-up

Very presumptuous Dusty, don’t you think that’s a bad sign?