He got engaged tonight!

[whatisgoingonn]

Have know him for a long time and have been in regular phone contact for the past year or so, he sent me some very graphic pictures a few hours ago and was asking if we could meet next week.

I was doing some facebook stalking and have seen he got engaged tonight. Looking all dapper and happy at the Savoy with his beautiful and clearly clueless girlfriend...I don't get it, how can someone send dick pictures 2 hours before asking someone to marry them?!

I feel awful for her as well. I don't know what I'm asking really, just can't believe he could be so deceptive. Ugh some people are shit.

Good that you looked and found out.
Do try to let her know! It would save her a life of misery!

Please tell her!
It's hard to say how many other women he's been doing this with!

Absolutely tell her and ditch him!

whatisgoingon: it's never been anything more than a bit of fun with us, and I wasn't expecting anything more but I didn't expect him to be such a dick. I really thought he was a pretty decent guy, I've been friends with him for 30+ years and our families are friends.
........
I've only just noticed this. He probably was just being a dick, maybe had a few too many drinks with friends. Perhaps don't tell her.

Hope you do tell her op, my ex's cheating was kept from me and I felt humiliated when I found out. That was actually worse than the betrayal.

@jessstan1

whatisgoingon: it's never been anything more than a bit of fun with us, and I wasn't expecting anything more but I didn't expect him to be such a dick. I really thought he was a pretty decent guy, I've been friends with him for 30+ years and our families are friends. ........ I've only just noticed this. He probably was just being a dick, maybe had a few too many drinks with friends. Perhaps don't tell her.

Eh? He sent her photos of his dick a couple of hours before he got engaged and they had arranged to meet next week?

What's getting drunk with mates got to do with anything?

I wouldn't tell her-you'll just cause pain and he will tell her that you were just some woman who he could send dick pics to, something he would never do to her because she's his princess and you're a bit on the side.

It's likely she'll believe that because she already has a life with him and it will be put about that you're just unimportant to him and jealous. I'm presuming you have friends/old schoolfriends in common-does his mum know your mum if you were at school together?

It might backfire on you.

I couldn't destroy her happiness, her big night and I am going to question if your motives are entirely altruistic.

If the details about the date of the engagement and the venue are correct, you've probably already identified them to people that know them.

Badly done, I say, even though I'm in the minority of one!

Tell her - you know it's the right thing to do

Of course you message her. Wait a few days so it doesn’t look like you’re jealous. I never understand why people say to keep out of it. If it was me, I would be grateful for someone telling me, for me to decide what to do with that information.

I think best not to get involved for a few reasons. Human beings are complex and can choose - consciously or unconsciously to be in denial of certain things about themselves and/or the people they love. You don't know what sort of person she is, what sort of life she's had and what she wants from this relationship.

You also don't know that much about him. Everyone has the ability to redeem themselves, grow and develop. This is their relationship, their lives and their choices.

You're not the judge and the jury. It's really not your place to tell her. And she may be upset for being told, and not for the reason you suspect, for other reasons, for being put in a position she didn't want to be.

I’d tell her. Give her the facts and walk away then it’s up to her what she dose.

I actually wouldnt tell her directly as she might react horribly to you.

I would message him calling him out for being such a prick. Tell him if he isnt honest with her then you will be.

Tell her! My best friend’s ex was messaging random women and escorts on the night he proposed to her. He’d also been messaging them over Christmas and even when he’d been staying at her parents house. We think he was a sex addict and It turned out he’d given her an STD.

Cancelling the wedding nearly destroyed her and he got really nasty after they split up (stole money and her pet) but she’s so glad she didn’t marry him. Imagine if she hadn’t found out until they were married and had kids. At least she was able to walk away relatively easily and she’s now met a lovely man and is engaged again.

I couldn't destroy her happiness, her big night and I am going to question if your motives are entirely altruistic.

No, can't destroy her happiness! Let the poor cow marry a guy who's planning to cheat on her, let her make huge commitments to him under the misapprehension he's faithful, let her continue having unprotected sex with him and making bis life decisions without full knowledge and informed consent - because that's so much kinder .

She needs to know. They are living together with her children. He’s been sleeping with you during that time and sending dick pics. Good men that get engaged don’t do that. If you keep quiet now that you know then that says a lot about what sort of person you are to protect a cheater.

I’d want to know. 100%. Poor woman

Plus she’s got kids. He could be shagging others and potentially passing something that makes her poorly or worse. Tell her and his mother. What a prick. Absolutely awful

photos at the Savoy - London? I thought it's restaurant and American Bar closed in March because of Covid.

Do you really think the OP's concern is soley for his partner?

Call me a cynical old buzzard but I can't help thinking that it might be a teeny bit to do with the fact that she had responded to his dick pics by booking a day off to see the dick in the flesh!

Now she sees he would just have been using her for sex and has just got engaged to someone to whom he probably wouldn't dream of sending a dick pic to.

I may be totally wrong of course but it is a viable theory.

Anyway, she is determined to tell him but it sounds as if they will have people in common-at the very least his mum will know who she is if they went to school together.

How does the OP think his mum might tell the OP's relations. Do you think she will present her as a figure dressed in burnished gold rushing to the rescue? I don't think so and some pretty nasty and coarse things will be said about the OP.

Anyway, That's my tuppence worth and I don't think it is a million miles of the truth. It is at least, as I say, a viable view.

I would stay out of it.Its their relationship and they have to work at it themselves.Are you going to stalk him all his life and not let him form a relationship with any woman ever?Unlikely, i think. Best to cut all contact with him and get on with your own life!!

@tara66

photos at the Savoy - London? I thought it's restaurant and American Bar closed in March because of Covid.

Reopened in September according to this website. Presume has re opened after lockdown too. www.thesavoylondon.com/the-savoy-is-reopening/

Please tell the poor girl, you could save her a lifetime of misery! I found out via Facebook message a few years ago that my long term partner had been cheating on me. It was a terrible shock but that person did me the biggest favour of my life!!

@Regretsandregrets

I would stay out of it.Its their relationship and they have to work at it themselves.Are you going to stalk him all his life and not let him form a relationship with any woman ever?Unlikely, i think. Best to cut all contact with him and get on with your own life!!

Seriously?? How will she know she’s being cheated on if no one tells her?

If I had just got engaged to some bloke who had been sending dick picx only hours ago, I would certainly want to know. It might break my heart, but much easier to disentangle myself sooner than later - and that later will come inevitably.

Tell her