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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Odd behaviour or just me?

83 replies

ellabobble · 02/12/2020 09:34

For context I'm 35 and live with my DD15. Have been with boyfriend for just over a year, he stays over maybe 2 or 3 times a week. Boyfriend and DD get on well.

This might seem a bit strange but it's not the only time I've noticed something like this so thought I'd ask what people think!

Last night boyfriend came over for dinner. Once finished he went in to the freezer and hid the only remaining ice cream so that he could eat it a bit later. My DD normally has one for pudding.

I asked what he was doing, he laughed and said he wanted the ice cream so had hidden it so DD couldn't find it. I immediately removed it from the 'hiding place' and gave it to DD who had just walked in to the kitchen to get one.

There have a been a few incidents like this. I've been stewing on it all night (I know that may sound a bit silly), but that's not ok surely?Confused

OP posts:
SassenachWitch · 02/12/2020 09:47

No, it's not ok at all.

Don't get me wrong I've hidden chocolate from my own kids to eat after they've gone to bed, but you're saying there's been a few incidents, and it's not his house, and I'm assuming not his food to hide?

He sounds spiteful.

seensome · 02/12/2020 09:51

He's sounds selfish, it's not even his house or his food? Does he generally lack manners and behave selfishly?

TheTeenageYears · 02/12/2020 09:54

Does he contribute anything when he stays over either in the form of money/food or cooking/washing up?

BittyCharleston · 02/12/2020 09:54

Weird. Weird that he tried to normalise it too. This would put me right off. It's a small action in a way but on the flip side it what it reveals of his character is that he has little care or respect for your daughter, and that he's selfish, entitled and devious. If he wanted ice cream he could have brought some over for you all to eat after dinner. He should be bringing your daughter surprise ice cream if he's noticed she likes it. Not stealing hers from her!

WannaBeMonica · 02/12/2020 09:58

So he knows DD likes ice cream after dinner as does he, a nice thing to do would have been to bring extra or "special ice cream" to enjoy together. He chose to steal hers.

He belongs with the ice cream wrapper, in the bin.

TwentyViginti · 02/12/2020 10:02

@TheTeenageYears

Does he contribute anything when he stays over either in the form of money/food or cooking/washing up?
Part time cocklodger OP?

Anyway, he needs to be gone. You wouldn't tolerate this greedy, entitled behaviour from your DD would you?

WilheldivaHater · 02/12/2020 10:05

If he'd just taken the last one and eaten it without offering it to anyone else I'd think he was rude and a bit selfish.

The way he actually hid it, knowing that your daughter wanted it makes me think he would be prone to sneaky behaviour and that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with allowing you or DD to go without so he can have something.

I know "it's just an ice cream" but I suspect that if you stay together longer you'll see more incidents of him being sneaky to put himself first.

My MIL is like this and quite frankly it's a personality trait that I can't stand and really erodes trust because you end up second guessing their motives for things all the time.

Original poster
ellabobble · 02/12/2020 10:38

@TheTeenageYears The simple answer to that is no!

OP posts:
WitchDancer · 02/12/2020 10:47

Definitely not ok. How dare he hide your DD's food!

HollowTalk · 02/12/2020 10:52

Get rid of him. He's a selfish, greedy, entitled man who puts his own needs above yours and your daughter's.

kingdomcapers · 02/12/2020 10:55

You need to hope over to Relationships and read @droopyears threads on DP cross there's no food and follow her example

Bunnymumy · 02/12/2020 10:55

He doesn't even stay in your house so who the hell is he to be hiding food that isnt even his!? Tbh op, its creepy. Certainly way too entitled.

My partner is relatively new and only stays maybe once per week atm but always brings either the food or the drink for the evening. I notice a bit of a tendency for him to wire into a little bit extra of my booze, which I will be keeping an eye on but he contributes things to the evening and he certainly doesn't hide stuff for later. He'd be out on his ass.

frewer · 02/12/2020 10:59

Blimey OP, I don't like the sound of him one little bit.

Does he pay if you eat out?

popsydoodle4444 · 02/12/2020 11:01

@ellabobble

I've seen a few threads like yours recently with CF part time cock lodgers

There was someone who's bloke came over for dinner most nights without being asked,complained if there wasn't anything he liked in the kitchen and started adding stuff to that woman's shopping list and she was paying for said food and cooking it.

Another one where the CF boyfriend got his GF to host his sons birthday tea at her house instead of his;had her do the shop for said tea party spending her money and then the following week announcing he didn't want what she was cooking for tea one evening and said he was ordering a takeaway just for him as he wasn't paying for his GF and her kid to have one.

Original poster
ellabobble · 02/12/2020 11:01

@kingdomcapers Thank you I'll have a read

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 02/12/2020 11:02

He sounds sneaky and not a very nice person
Don't move him in, your poor dd will never get any ice cream.

popsydoodle4444 · 02/12/2020 11:03

@kingdomcapers

I think we've just cross posted as I've just referenced that same thread too.

Amazing how many of these CF's are around isn't it?

Original poster
ellabobble · 02/12/2020 11:07

@frewer He does pay if we eat out.

Although sometimes he'll suggest getting a takeaway but hint that I should be paying as DD is eating it too! Hmm

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 02/12/2020 11:11

[quote ellabobble]@frewer He does pay if we eat out.

Although sometimes he'll suggest getting a takeaway but hint that I should be paying as DD is eating it too! Hmm[/quote]
Oh ffs get rid of this tight, cocklodging twat. It never ends well for the woman and DC.

Aerial2020 · 02/12/2020 11:14

What a child!
Yuk, it's the kind of things siblings do to each other. What are you, his mother??
Tell him to buy his own ice cream!

KarenW · 02/12/2020 11:15

Oh, it just got worse, FFS , so you need to pay for his takeaway because you and your daughter are eating??? This is an entitled selfish individual who does not value you or your daughter, get rid.

HollowTalk · 02/12/2020 11:16

I think men like this home in on single mums because you have to stay in and cook for the family anyway, so he thinks, "What's one more?" You have to pay bills anyway, so he thinks, "Why should I contribute when she's paying anyway?"

He seems to resent your daughter. He's selfish. He's greedy. He's completely inconsiderate. What's the point of him?

IJustWantSomeBees · 02/12/2020 11:18

So he is hiding food that you bought for your child, whilst contributing nothing to the household? Nope nope nope.

Bunnymumy · 02/12/2020 11:19

Tbf if he buys the takeaway once per week and then eats in with you once then it sorta balances out. Depends how often he buys them.

But I agree that it sounds like he isn't keen on your kid. Possibly sees her as the competition. Also the air of bitterness about having to order for her too, doesn't bode well.

Aerial2020 · 02/12/2020 11:27

One takeaway week does not balance it out at all

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