Odd behaviour or just me?

[ellabobble]

For context I'm 35 and live with my DD15. Have been with boyfriend for just over a year, he stays over maybe 2 or 3 times a week. Boyfriend and DD get on well.

This might seem a bit strange but it's not the only time I've noticed something like this so thought I'd ask what people think!

Last night boyfriend came over for dinner. Once finished he went in to the freezer and hid the only remaining ice cream so that he could eat it a bit later. My DD normally has one for pudding.

I asked what he was doing, he laughed and said he wanted the ice cream so had hidden it so DD couldn't find it. I immediately removed it from the 'hiding place' and gave it to DD who had just walked in to the kitchen to get one.

There have a been a few incidents like this. I've been stewing on it all night (I know that may sound a bit silly), but that's not ok surely?

Lifespan's too short for this shite OP. Get rid, you've only tested the water a year with this one and its obvious its not working. Time to back out. Good luck!

You're minimising his behaviour. Should be 50/50 cooking and washing up AND buying the food.

Cocklodger in the making. Do not move iin with him.

And utterly selfish hiding the ice-cream. What a horrible man.

Sorry, but I think you'd be better off without.

I wouldnt say be was a cocklodger as some considerd

What do you understand a cocklodger to be, then?

Someone who doesn't contribute. OP has already said he buys a takeaway on occasion, helps with DIY, walks the dog and helps with the cooking. You could argue it isn't enough but its not quite cocklodger territory imo.

Could be one 'in the making' though for sure.

Spiteful man child.
My exh was one.
Over time he became jealous and resentful of my dc and my relationship with them.. Best day was when I threw him out..
Ime he won't get better op.

@Bunnymumy

Someone who doesn't contribute. OP has already said he buys a takeaway on occasion, helps with DIY, walks the dog and helps with the cooking. You could argue it isn't enough but its not quite cocklodger territory imo.

She said he buys a takeaway once a month, occasionally walks the dog though she has to ask him to. And only cooks when she’s so exhausted that she can’t, and even then she still has to pay for the food they’re eating. That’s not contributing

@Bunnymumy

Tbf if he buys the takeaway once per week and then eats in with you once then it sorta balances out. Depends how often he buys them.

But I agree that it sounds like he isn't keen on your kid. Possibly sees her as the competition. Also the air of bitterness about having to order for her too, doesn't bode well.

It literally doesn’t balance it out at all. He could buy them a takeaway every day of the week. That doesn’t justify stealing food from a child.

He's expecting a single mum to feed him and he takes food from a teenage girl. OK he buys a takeaway every month but that's one meal in a month. He's with her 2-3 times a week, so that's one in 8-12 meals that he pays for.

I just can’t imagine doing that at somebody else’s house. Absolutely everyone I can think of (not that I’ve visited many people this year) would say to me Catherine, what do you think you’re doing? Do you mind leaving our food alone?

And I’d die of embarrassment!

Do you really think the best you can hope for is a man who hides ice creams you got for your daughter?.

Raise your bar higher ellabobble and end this relationship. Your daughter also needs to see a better example of a relationship than this poor offering. Would you want her to be with someone like this freeloader or cocklodger?. Men like this often target single mothers too because they feel the woman is so desperate for male company that she would put up with any old shit from a man.

Never said it did. Said it would probably balance out financially. If it were once per week. But not once a month, no.

He wants to seem pleasant and agreeable to you but is resentful of your DD. Has he any kids of his own? What age is he, younger than you?

He is treating you like the Mummy and your DD like she is his little sister that he resents.

So he wants to please Mummy but takes opportunity to exact revenge. You probably have seen times when he 'tells on' DD to present her in a bad light to you (with a view to making himself be in a good light).
Is he younger than you? What is his relationship with his own mother and siblings like?
I'm not sure you'll change his thinking on this as it's a dynamic from his own childhood he is re enacting and probably isn't aware of it.

@sadie9 That's actually very strange you've said that - on a number of occasions my DD has been in the kitchen helping herself to a snack, I've not noticed and my boyfriend has called out to me that she's doing so!

[quote ellabobble]@sadie9 That's actually very strange you've said that - on a number of occasions my DD has been in the kitchen helping herself to a snack, I've not noticed and my boyfriend has called out to me that she's doing so! [/quote]
My DS aged 7 does that to his bob sister! Are the other things worse? Do they affect DD?

*big

[quote ellabobble]@sadie9 That's actually very strange you've said that - on a number of occasions my DD has been in the kitchen helping herself to a snack, I've not noticed and my boyfriend has called out to me that she's doing so! [/quote]
That’s really weird IMO. It’s her house! And she’s 15 not 5!

This is bad OP. Very bad. Your 15 year old DD does not need her snacks policing by some random man her mother has taken up with.

Why are you with him?

They get on well and it's only been the last month or so that I've started noticing these things. It's weird. It does very much feel like I'm his mother and I have 2 children. Time fo have a talk I think

Time to get rid not talk. Your poor daughter

Have a talk? Have a word with yourself! This is a grown man who doesn't contribute as much as he takes and dobs your daughter in for having a snack in her home...

Shouldn't your bar be higher than that?

He sounds like a dick

He sounds awful. Most people would come over with drinks/ice creams that your DD likes. It'd cosy him v little but would show that he cared about her. He's acting like a dick and his behaviour is really unattractive.

Home cooking is cheaper than takeaway because with takeaway you are paying for the labour.
So not only the cost of cooking for him but the thought, time and effort it costs.

Hiding the ice cream is hugely entitled.
As if you are going to green light special treatment for him over your child.
No wonder it's bothering you, he's showing you he comes first.

Trying to imagine the scenario where your DD looks for ice cream, doesn't find it and assumes there's none left - only to find him eating it later on!!
Bit of a flawed plan really