Page 9 | What’s it like being single ? Serious question )

Emmie12345 · 2020-11-28T10:10:28+00:00

Stupid question really but I never have been ! I am starting to feel current relationship isn’t right for a number of reasons - I met my partner very soon after my marriage ended so never really had time on my own . I’m scared that being single is stopping me ending things thoiugh - we don’t live together , which I suppose means i am used to time alone Has anyone got any Advice ?

Alethiometrical · 03/12/2020 09:18

The worst thing about being single? I'm afraid it's daft questions like the title to this thread, OP.

Single people are still full human beings, FFS.

Welcometonowhere · 03/12/2020 09:21

Would you really recommend to someone thinking of getting a dog that a way to get round working full time and maybe wanting to go somewhere on weekends is to use Borrow My Doggy?

Because I wouldn’t. It’s hit and miss at best. You might get some interest but then again you might not, and it’s not a paid for service. You can’t rely on it. Unfair on your dog.

Of course people take responsibility for their own well-being. But there are some things that you either cannot do when single or would involve huge amounts of fuss and faff, making it not really very enjoyable in the first place.

Eckhart · 03/12/2020 09:49

Would you really recommend to someone thinking of getting a dog that a way to get round working full time and maybe wanting to go somewhere on weekends is to use Borrow My Doggy

You keep putting words in my mouth. I've recommended Borrow My Doggy as a service that has worked well for me. I've never said it's 100% reliable, because I've had a few let-downs myself. I've never said that anybody should get a dog and trust that they'll always be able to get care for it from Borrow My Doggy.

You seem intent on misinterpreting me and then arguing with your interpretation, so, in the spirit of taking responsibility for my own happiness, I will take a step back from the thread, and go and do something worthwhile instead. I hope you have a good day, and good luck with your dog when you get it.

Welcometonowhere · 03/12/2020 10:23

You have a good day too eckhart but that’s really not what I said.

In essence if you are single, if you don’t have support on tap, that can be difficult. Not insurmountable, but it can prevent you from having this glorious freedom you are supposed to have.

You need to either have a wide range of friends, which is fine except these friends also need to be single, or be able to pay for what you need when you need it, whilst also funding your mortgage, all other bills and unexpected household costs, from just your salary.

That’s a tall order and not everyone is going to be able to do it.

Eckhart · 03/12/2020 10:59

Okey dokey, then.

Enjoy!

MilerVino · 03/12/2020 11:45

Touch

I don't generally like being touched, except by very few people. I did miss it when I was single but just got on with things. I have a horse and so do have plenty of contact with another warm, living body. No, I'm not saying everyone can do this, but I found it helps me.

Physical closeness (potentially including, but not exclusively, sex)

I found I was better off having no sex than occasional sex, although I did have an FWB for a while and I did enjoy that. Otherwise I did just have to chalk it up to 'ok, I miss this, now get on with things'.

Another body/voice in your home

I don't really want or need this. I found house sharing very, very annoying. I don't currently live with my partner. Yes, I know if MN-speak this makes him my boyfriend not my partner but frankly I'm not going to refer to someone over 50 as a boy and besides, he is my partner in life. I do sometimes put the TV on for company as much as anything else, but I quite like that as unlike housemates you can change channel or switch it off at will.

Writing this down, maybe being single worked for me because I'm introverted and in some ways anti-social. I still prefer my current relationship though as I find, after decades of really being on my own, that I have some support and a sense of someone sharing things with me.

stillcountingmyvotes · 03/12/2020 13:33

@eckhart
Wasn't taking on a passionate mission at all.
We're not going to agree on how we see the world, or even what I am talking about, so let's leave it there.
@welcometonowhere, yes I agree.

stillcountingmyvotes · 03/12/2020 13:35

@MilerVino, yes, I hear you. I guess we're saying that we're all different, in what we need and how we try and meet those needs.
It's useful to be reminded that there are other points of views, so thank you.

Separatedandabitsad · 05/12/2020 13:52

One element of bring single I’m not looking forward to is Christmas & New Year’s. I’ve no idea what I’ll do for New Year’s & could very easily spend it alone ... would that be so bad? I don’t know!

unique1986 · 05/12/2020 17:06

Yep new years is rubbish when single. But not much better when in a relationship as its anti climax anyway.
What I hate about being single is everyone assuming your sad and lonely.
I would like to make new friends to go out with as I've been bored this year and stressed obv.
But it doesn't have to be romance just good company.

MilerVino · 05/12/2020 18:05

When I was single I found the best way to deal with New Year was to stay at home and get an early night. Then in the morning I'd get up early (ish) and if the weather was OK go for a nice cycle, or take my horse out for a ride. It was quite funny watching the party people attempt to deal with hangovers whilst I started the NY feeling fresh and rested.

I really hated going to parties or the pub and that feeling as midnight approached that there was no-one for me to hug or kiss. Now I'm in a couple my OH isn't really fussed about NYE but I quite like us not being fussed about it together.

But really, single or a couple, if you want to make it a normal night then why not? You're not harming anyone.

Ted27 · 05/12/2020 18:36

whether New Year is rubbish as a single person depends on if its important to you.
The last time I ‘did’ new year I was in my 20s, even when I had a partner.
I’m not fussed on house parties and as I don’t really drink that much, paying to go into a pub, and dealing with drunk people isnt my idea of fun.
For years I went to a spa on NYE had a facial and massage, peking crispy duck and pancakes for dinner, good bottle of wine, posh chocs, Jools Holland, movie, fireworkd on the TV. job done

Welcometonowhere · 05/12/2020 18:42

New year is one thing, Christmas can be difficult though. I always found it so, anyway.

Separatedandabitsad · 05/12/2020 23:30

Yeah it’s just the time off& no-one to spend it with as most others are with their partners/children etc...

I like the idea of taking an early night but I’m a night owl on a work night, nevermind NYE..but a gal can change!!

Gwenhwyfar · 06/12/2020 12:05

@MilerVino

When I was single I found the best way to deal with New Year was to stay at home and get an early night. Then in the morning I'd get up early (ish) and if the weather was OK go for a nice cycle, or take my horse out for a ride. It was quite funny watching the party people attempt to deal with hangovers whilst I started the NY feeling fresh and rested.

I really hated going to parties or the pub and that feeling as midnight approached that there was no-one for me to hug or kiss. Now I'm in a couple my OH isn't really fussed about NYE but I quite like us not being fussed about it together.

But really, single or a couple, if you want to make it a normal night then why not? You're not harming anyone.

I hate new year and not really linked to being single, I don't think. There's no way I could have an early night though - too much noise and even fireworks these days. I've often stayed in with some prosecco just as I would on many Friday nights.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/12/2020 12:09

"Yeah it’s just the time off& no-one to spend it with as most others are with their partners/children etc..."

That's why it's so important to have single friends.
Usually at Christmas we all go back to our families of origin, but this year will be my first Christmas really alone. Luckily some of my friends are in the same boat. We'll see how it goes!

Separatedandabitsad · 06/12/2020 12:35

I have a lot of friends & always put a lot of time into my friendships. Only two are single, as it happens & they have very strong ties to their families of origin & they spend all of the holidays with them. It’s an unavoidably lonely time of year for those of us who don’t have that.

MilerVino · 06/12/2020 12:41

Also, your single friends may not reliably remain single. I was everyone's reliable single friend for decades. Failing at that now

Simbidian · 06/12/2020 12:58

Being single took some adjustment but after a year or so I began to appreciate the choices I could make, even simple ones like having a lie-in, when I go to bed/get up, which music is on, eating whatever I want and when etc etc. I also like to be completely in charge of finances. I like coming home to an empty house, having the bed to myself. I am so thankful for my single state. I have plenty of friends, activities outside home etc but I so value time on my own.

Separatedandabitsad · 06/12/2020 13:05

@Simbidian

That’s so great you feel that way. I wish I could say the same. I’m feeling lost & lonely & a part of me is dreading the long days of Christmas/New Year’s ahead! I’m grateful for so much but it gets me down too. Any tips on how to spend those days? Maybe it’s time to take up painting!

Ted27 · 06/12/2020 13:16

I agree with @Simbidian
Of course when I was newly single it was hard. I don’t have much family, I don’t have any single friends.
Life changed again when I adopted my son but he is 16 and will be off doing his own thing in a few years.
In normal times I spend my days doing what I want to do, if I want to go to the cinema, theatre, gig, away for the weekend, lunch, I do it.
Yes this year will be harder and different but I will still do what I would want to do regardless of whether or not I had a partner - read books, go to the gym, go out for a walk, my allotment needs a lot of work, still hopeful for some cinema and theatre but there are some streamed events I’m interested in.
If there are things you want to do, just do them.

Osirus · 06/12/2020 13:28

I agree that the only place you seem to find happy single people is on the internet. Never in real life.

You’ll be fine, OP. Life is what you make it. I think deep down we all want somebody; and you’ll miss being with someone eventually.

Watching what you want on TV is great. I still get to do this but I’m married.

Watching what you want on TV usually means being on your own in front of the TV. Every night. For as long as you’re “happy” doing it. What happens when you’re sick of watching TV on your own?

I was single all my adult life until I was 24. I was very busy and didn’t have time to feel lonely as I lived with others anyway. I didn’t crave a man. I did know I wanted to be in a relationship though.

It’s human nature to want to pair up.

Ted27 · 06/12/2020 13:39

@Osirus

sorry to disappoint you but yes I am happy with my life.

And strangely enough my life doesnt consist entirely of watching TV, I normally don’t have time to watch TV, because I’m busy living my life.

Maybe you are too busy insisting that peope really want someone deep down reaaly to actually listen to single people who say they are happy.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/12/2020 14:00

@MilerVino

Also, your single friends may not reliably remain single. I was everyone's reliable single friend for decades. Failing at that now

Unfortunately for me and them my single friends have been very reliably single. Up to 20 years and still going is pretty good.

midnightstar66 · 06/12/2020 14:02

Fantastic- I used to be on the look out for a new partner but now I'm happy with my life and the freedom that being single gives me.