Not invited to Parter's Christmas

[drinkribeina]

I may be being unreasonable here, and if so then please say!

Been with DP 3 years, both have kids, none together. We don't live together.

Every year DP spends Christmas Day at his Mums, with his older sister and her partner. I usually go to my parents. This year they have said they do not want me to go as my Dad is elderly and they are worried about catching Covid.

I will be spending Christmas Day on my own. My DP has not invited me to his Mum's for the day (I get on very well with his family and do an awful lot for his Mum). His Dad died a few years back.

Am I wrong for thinking it would be nice for DP to invite me to spend it with him and his family rather than let me spend it alone?

He doesn’t care about you OP. He’s using you whenever he wants for sex or food and his mother is also using you to do things for her. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking his mother is nice and different to the son, it’s my experience that sons that are tied to their mothers like that usually have the same attitudes as the mothers, because this is how their mothers taught them to be. Some people may not agree with this, but unfortunately I’ve seen it too much.

[quote drinkribeina]@Turnedouttoes Yes I've just discussed with him and he said I should maybe see what my best friends plans are. [/quote]
Dump the fucker!!!

@Gettingthereslowly2020

It sounds a little odd that you don't spend Christmas together after 3 years, I can understand being apart for the first Christmas as you wouldn't have been together that long.

If he's happy for you to be alone at Christmas and doesn't even think to invite you to spend it with him then I think that says it all. I'd be really hurt if that was me.

Hope you're ok

I mean, it's not really. Me and DP don't have kids together (he has a son who is here for Christmas alternate years) and I go to my parents' and he goes to his on Christmas Day. I can see the issue if you have kids, but we spend all of our days together, and can spend the rest of the Christmas period plus New Year together .. I see nothing wrong with going to see family in the day and then meeting in the evening - either at home, or at his parents' or mine (usually his, as mine fall asleep much earlier!!)

Is it a tradition he has that he only wants to spend it with his mum and sister and nobody else? How is he normally on other ocassions? Is he special to you or he really doesn’t care? It sounds a bit mean and selfish

Set the bar higher for yourself, get rid

@LizzyELane

#underneaththeash. My partner of 10.5 years is definitely not my 'boyfriend' and neither should the OPs DP be considered as such after 3 years. My DP is practically my kid's step dad, just because we own separate houses to reduce upset and stress for our kids who may or may not be happy at having a step parent move in, does NOT mean we are boyfriend/girlfriend, and many couples who are in committed relationships have separate homes.

This. I don't understand this attitude, it's very dated!

If you see his mum frequently and you get on well, why not mention to her that you will be alone on Christmas day? Maybe she will then invite you.

Please don’t humiliate yourself by doing this.

He obviously doesn't think much of you. I wouldn't see my partner spending Christmas day on their own. I would end the relationship, he clearly doesn't give a toss!

Decline his offer of staying Christmas Eve. Tell him your DC's dad has offered for you to go and spend Christmas there so you're not alone

Any man who thinks it is acceptable to leave me on my own on christmas day would be an x. The rationale is bizarre given he expects you to stay on xmas eve. You do alot for his mother but he stops you from staying on christmas day. I think your being told loud and clear your not his priority. He sounds selfish anyway.

@drinkribeina

What's more bizarre is that he has invited me to stay overnight there for Xmas Eve but seems to expect me to leave before the Christmas dinner

Come for the fucks, leave before the stuffing

I’m sorry, OP, but this fairly reeks of someone who’s not that committed. Like others, I was surprised when you said he’s selfish, but not unkind. Selfish IS unkind. Was your last relationship abusive, or have you had a lot of emotionally abusive relationships? I ask because that separation, that selfishness isn’t unkind... it’s worrying. It’s a very unkind thing to do to someone, to not think about them or their feelings, but I understand how it might not seem that bad if you had previously been with emotional abusers.

It’s like when men say they are “nice guys” and want praise for that. Being kind and considerate is the least we should expect from other people, especially a partner, ESPECIALLY after three years. That’s the baseline.

You say you got him an expensive Christmas present and his sister chipped in; I assume perhaps a PS5 or something. You should be able to return it, or perhaps even sell it for more than it’s worth if there are shortages, and give his sister back her money (if she’s paid you yet? If she’s hasn’t, there’s no issue).

[quote drinkribeina]@Notanothernamechanged101 I suspect his Mum doesn't know about me being on my own at Xmas. We get on very well and she always spends hours chewing my ear off when I pop over to see her! [/quote]
I'd be dropping a subtle hint re kids being away, and then if she asks you say thank you bit Steve's made it clear he wouldn't want that

I also don’t mean to be cruel but suspect @SleepingStandingUp is correct about why he’s invited you Xmas Eve.

If it’s an Xbox I’ll buy it off you ;)

If he invited me over christmas eve night clearly for a shag but yet wouldn't invite me for xmas dinner knowing I would be alone, I would laugh in his face and give him his marching orders.

Hes using you and your letting him.

I did just try talking to him about it but if it's something he doesn't want to discuss then he simply won't. It's hard work

This stood out to me. Partly because it looks like it refers to anything, and not specifically just this issue, and partly because... well, do your feelings only matter when he feels like talking about them? Does he often shut you down when you want to talk about something?

All of which is besides the fact that he's being rude and dismissive about your Christmas.

Could you cook dinner and invite his mum to yours?
^

You'd have more fun! 😊

I bet it's a PS5

🙄

[quote drinkribeina]@grassisjeweled Let's just say it was expensive and difficult to get...[/quote]
Good. You can now return it and trade it in for some sort of therapy where you can work on your self esteem because, now I've read the full thread, must be pretty low for you to put up with this prick for 3 years.

@FestiveChristmasLights

If you see his mum frequently and you get on well, why not mention to her that you will be alone on Christmas day? Maybe she will then invite you.

Please don’t humiliate yourself by doing this.

God no, please don’t do that! Don’t beg for crumbs, it’s so undignified.

I wouldn't mention to his mums for an invitation, no way would I go now. You need to think where this relationship is going. I don't know how you can come back from this. Sorry

Doe's his ex wife know about your relationship?
Doe's she still think he is alone and not in a relationship?

His mother clearly has a relationship/friendship with you but is colluding to keeping you quiet for her son's sake.

He sounds like he is still compartmentalizing his relationships and things are not out in the open.
His mom's house is nuetral ground for seeing his past life during important dates ie: Christmas.
This is unlikely to change for many years.

He may be trying to protect you and his children.
Unless everthing is fully out in the open and transparent your relationship will not feel valid.

That’s pretty bad OP, to be completely blanked like that. I’m very sure you can do a lot better.

The PS5 will be worth more money now probably so make a little profit and spend it on yourself!

If you have brought an Xbox or PS5 you can sell them on gumtree or CEX and use the extra money to treat yourself.

I would be getting rid of him ASAP.

My moneys on a PS5 which means you can easily get your money back. And your self respect.

Christmas either means something (wanting to spend every Christmas at home) or it doesn’t ( can’t see why being alone is an issue). Clearly he sees it as the former and therefore he knows he’s being a nasty bastard.

Honestly cut him free before Christmas save yourself a fortune. Enjoy a day of peace and a then have nice “ Christmas Day “ whenever the kids are back from their dads.