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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To apologise

136 replies

Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:19

So I drove my husband in my car to pick up a machine from an auction for his bussiness. Their partners didn't want their fancy cats getting dirty. Drove there picked it up and drove back while he relaxed. On the way back a drive just kept breaking, so I slowed down, on the snake path with cars behind me also. He was constantly doing this no matter how slow i went. In fact at some point it was like he was waiting. I got frustrated and had drivers behind me morning at me. My husband and I put it down to someone who was maybe new, struggling, scared etc... I'm always cautious of being rude to people driving stupidly because maybe they have had bad news etc. I did once. My had been diagnosed with cancer and I drove her home in what was the longest journey of my life.

Anyway. We got out of the snake pass. I tries to overtake as he was becoming very dangerous, indicated but he became very fast all of a sudden. That's great so I picked up my speed to 40, was doing 20 on a 50 road. As I did this he jist6 smaled his breaks. I breaked too as I wasnt going that far. He continued to do this. I felt as though he was trying to get hit from behind for an insirance claim so I stayed well back and carried on driving at 30 on a clear 50 road with him speeding up and slowing down. I encountered him around bends as though he was waiting for cars to approach. Really really really weird.

Sorry I had to explain that. My husband even said this driver is an idiot.

Eventually when he almost caused a pile up I horned at him. Like I literally stopped myself from going into him. I could see he was on the phone and people sat with were all messing around with a kid just climbing back and forth. My husband at this point started shouting at me. He started saying 'you're so self centred why are you burning. You're so disrespectful you've no shame, women dont do this. You've no shame you're doing this in front of your husband. He stared shouting. Then he told me to stop the car and walked out.

We argued at home. I he has been a dick to me for a while. I was confused as to why he took this to personally and walked out and called me names. He kept repeating instead of saying sorry to me you're being disrespectful wife. I dont get it.

I hate the fact that horned at this driver. I genuinly think he was trying to claim for an accident. Being on his phone and so much disruption.

However I'm confused about why my husband became such a dick. I am not really someone who has road rage. But I dont think I should apologise when I was doing his job. I got no thank you nothing. He can taken my car to work with the machine.

OP posts:
HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 25/11/2020 11:23

That was a surreal story.

FlibbertyGiblets · 25/11/2020 11:25

Obviously name calling is not on. He may have been badly frightened by the erratic driving behaviour in front.

In a similar situation I have pulled over to a place of safety, waited 5 minutes then found an alternative route home.

Bloodypunkrockers · 25/11/2020 11:26

@HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear

That was a surreal story.
That's one word for it. My brain hurts
FlibbertyGiblets · 25/11/2020 11:26

@HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear

That was a surreal story.
I REALLY wanted to ask bout the fancy cats and the snake path
unmarkedbythat · 25/11/2020 11:27

you're so disrespectful you've no shame, women dont do this. You've no shame you're doing this in front of your husband.

instead of saying sorry to me you're being disrespectful wife

What? Is this your husband's usual attitude?

WotWouldCJDo · 25/11/2020 11:28

I just can’t. Not on a Wednesday.

SpillingTheTea · 25/11/2020 11:29

If he thinks using your horn is road rage he needs to give his head a little shake.

Maybe he thinks you only beep if you're horny? Grin

Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:29

Hahahha fancy cats. I'm so sorry I think I've some sort of arthritis in my thumbs also I typed on my phone and it's stupid. Hahahah fancy cat. I meant fancy car

OP posts:
Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:30

Snake pass hahahahahahahhs I knew mumsnet would help me see the funnier side of it

OP posts:
Shinyletsbebadguys · 25/11/2020 11:30

There is as usual more than one issue there. Without being there I can't comment on whether you are unreasonable about the driver. Its surreal to claim he 2as intentionally looking to be rear ended ....I mean honestly, we all know it happens on the rare occasion but to assume that's what it was is a bit odd, it might be something that occurs to me later but bizarre to be so sure at the time.

However in fairness its impossible to call something like that without being there , I know a few " safe " drivers who wax lyrical about their driving , and hell would freeze over before I got in their car.

Your husband is seriously odd though, what the hell has being a woman got to do with it? I'm sorry is there a new version of riding side saddle so we don't ruffle the petticoats ? I wasn't aware my sex controlled my response in the car?

There seems more to this than meets the eye

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 25/11/2020 11:32

Sounded like an lsd trip.

Cats, snakes, horns, yelling, disrespectful wife...
I loved it.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 25/11/2020 11:32

Errrm, that was a read

DryRoastPeanut · 25/11/2020 11:33

Is English your first language? I really struggled with this story!

Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:34

@unmarkedbythat

you're so disrespectful you've no shame, women dont do this. You've no shame you're doing this in front of your husband.

instead of saying sorry to me you're being disrespectful wife

What? Is this your husband's usual attitude?

Yes. He is very much a dick. My thumbs are painful because he has punched my hands. He is not afraid of the car in front because he is quite violent.
OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 25/11/2020 11:34

You're so disrespectful you've no shame, women dont do this. You've no shame you're doing this in front of your husband who the hell (outside of ISIS) has said that these past 200 years?? )

CandyLeBonBon · 25/11/2020 11:34

So you were behind a shitty driver and when you lost your rag at the dickhead in front, your husband lost his shit, hurled a lot of weirdly sexist abuse at you and fucked off out of the car on his own is that right?

Is he normally prone to such outbursts?

Alexandernevermind · 25/11/2020 11:35

Sorry I just realised my comment may have come across as racist - no offence intended to anyone.

Nicknacky · 25/11/2020 11:37

He has punched your hands? I think your should have posted about that rather than about the other driver.

unmarkedbythat · 25/11/2020 11:38

@Spotify82 your husband hits you and frightens you and screams abuse at you. You know this is not OK. Are you able to make plans to leave him? What support do you have?

Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:38

@DryRoastPeanut

Is English your first language? I really struggled with this story!
I'm sorry, I just read it. No English is not my first language but I dont struggle with it. I have a stupid phone that has a scratch near the delete button and for some reason it deletes words and decides to add its own word. Also, my thumbs are hurting. I didn't read over it and should have.
OP posts:
LittleWhiteFeather · 25/11/2020 11:38

@Alexandernevermind

You're so disrespectful you've no shame, women dont do this. You've no shame you're doing this in front of your husband who the hell (outside of ISIS) has said that these past 200 years?? )
This!
Someonesayroadtrip · 25/11/2020 11:41

I'm kind of lost for words on this thread. I don't know what to say first.

Has he always been abusive? You know you don't have to put up with that right?

CandyLeBonBon · 25/11/2020 11:42

You said you had arthritis OP? Then that your thumbs hurt because he hit them? I'm a bit confused? What's the bigger picture here?

Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:43

@Nicknacky

He has punched your hands? I think your should have posted about that rather than about the other driver.
I dont really care about the driver. That's minor. I got away from him. I'm more confused with my husband's attitude. It was odd. He has been very nasty nasty dick. Doesn't make eye contact with when he talks, he is hardly ever home.

He made me doubt myself as though I was wrong. But that is the sequence of events. He did say pull over but where can i pull over on a snake pass?

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 25/11/2020 11:43

I think the driver in front was just shit, dangerous, distracted and on their phone. Not trying to cause an accident.

I think your husband is an arsehole.

I think that you should talk to Women’s Aid because he has physically hurt you 😕

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