Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To apologise

136 replies

Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:19

So I drove my husband in my car to pick up a machine from an auction for his bussiness. Their partners didn't want their fancy cats getting dirty. Drove there picked it up and drove back while he relaxed. On the way back a drive just kept breaking, so I slowed down, on the snake path with cars behind me also. He was constantly doing this no matter how slow i went. In fact at some point it was like he was waiting. I got frustrated and had drivers behind me morning at me. My husband and I put it down to someone who was maybe new, struggling, scared etc... I'm always cautious of being rude to people driving stupidly because maybe they have had bad news etc. I did once. My had been diagnosed with cancer and I drove her home in what was the longest journey of my life.

Anyway. We got out of the snake pass. I tries to overtake as he was becoming very dangerous, indicated but he became very fast all of a sudden. That's great so I picked up my speed to 40, was doing 20 on a 50 road. As I did this he jist6 smaled his breaks. I breaked too as I wasnt going that far. He continued to do this. I felt as though he was trying to get hit from behind for an insirance claim so I stayed well back and carried on driving at 30 on a clear 50 road with him speeding up and slowing down. I encountered him around bends as though he was waiting for cars to approach. Really really really weird.

Sorry I had to explain that. My husband even said this driver is an idiot.

Eventually when he almost caused a pile up I horned at him. Like I literally stopped myself from going into him. I could see he was on the phone and people sat with were all messing around with a kid just climbing back and forth. My husband at this point started shouting at me. He started saying 'you're so self centred why are you burning. You're so disrespectful you've no shame, women dont do this. You've no shame you're doing this in front of your husband. He stared shouting. Then he told me to stop the car and walked out.

We argued at home. I he has been a dick to me for a while. I was confused as to why he took this to personally and walked out and called me names. He kept repeating instead of saying sorry to me you're being disrespectful wife. I dont get it.

I hate the fact that horned at this driver. I genuinly think he was trying to claim for an accident. Being on his phone and so much disruption.

However I'm confused about why my husband became such a dick. I am not really someone who has road rage. But I dont think I should apologise when I was doing his job. I got no thank you nothing. He can taken my car to work with the machine.

OP posts:
LittleWhiteFeather · 25/11/2020 11:43

Sorry, what is a snake pass?

Cocomarine · 25/11/2020 11:44

I also think you should ignore the voting, because you’ll get false YABU from people being confused by your post! If you put the effort in, you can work it out -but it does need that bit of effort 😉

Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:45

@CandyLeBonBon

You said you had arthritis OP? Then that your thumbs hurt because he hit them? I'm a bit confused? What's the bigger picture here?
He has punched me many time in my thumbs and slapped my hands. This has caused a permanent pain in my thumbs. When bent. Last night he punched my hands again and the pain is severe again. I've put it down to some sort of arthritis or damage from constant slapping and punching.
OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 25/11/2020 11:46

Ok. You know that's domestic abuse right?

CandyLeBonBon · 25/11/2020 11:47

@LittleWhiteFeather

Sorry, what is a snake pass?
Im wondering that too!
Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 11:48

@CandyLeBonBon

So you were behind a shitty driver and when you lost your rag at the dickhead in front, your husband lost his shit, hurled a lot of weirdly sexist abuse at you and fucked off out of the car on his own is that right?

Is he normally prone to such outbursts?

I didn't hurl any abuse though. If I had then that's a fair point. His attitude was off. Yeah he is a dick. Of we go to a place he hates, he walks out in a strop.
OP posts:
Echobelly · 25/11/2020 11:49

'Because he is quite violent' & he punched your hands and you can't type well because your thumbs are hurting?

You could probably report him for assault rather than worrying about your driving (which sounds fine & like the guy in front was being a dangerous dick distracted by his phone)

FlibbertyGiblets · 25/11/2020 11:49

Oh god. Have you ever showed a doctor the hand injuries? He's attacking you, causing long term damage to your hands, you are not safe, I am so sorry.

CandyLeBonBon · 25/11/2020 11:50

@Spotify82 I said HE hurled abuse at YOU.

Cocomarine · 25/11/2020 11:51

@Spotify82 you’re posting in a very matter of fact manner about multiple physical assaults that you surely know are going to cause an outraged response from us?

Please talk to Women’s Aid. Having your hands punched, slapped, thumbs bent back - it is wrong, it is horrific, and you can stop it.

CandyLeBonBon · 25/11/2020 11:51

You're the embodiment of 'the boiling frog' OP. You've clearly been in a highly abusive relationship for so long that you can't even see it?

You need to speak to women's aid. Do you have kids?

Alexandernevermind · 25/11/2020 11:52

If you are in the UK you do know your don't have to put up with his shitty behaviour, don't you. Our sister suffragettes fought hard for us to make sure of it. Get yourself to the GP / womens aid / community centre tell them what is happening.

MereDintofPandiculation · 25/11/2020 11:53

Sorry, what is a snake pass? It's one of the few routes over the Pennines. Steep winding climb up followed by steep winding climb down. Takes a lot of traffic because there are so few routes over the Pennines.

wizzler · 25/11/2020 11:53

I'm assuming Snake Pass is the road that links Sheffield and Manchester. Very picturesque with some alarming bends.

SpillingTheTea · 25/11/2020 11:54

You need to phone woman's aid or the police. He is punching you. You know this is not right in any culture.

nemeton · 25/11/2020 11:58

Snake pass is a place! There's a little painted froggy in the wall.

OP- can you speak to women's aid? Do you have the opportunity to make calls in private? Your husband is abusing you.

MereDintofPandiculation · 25/11/2020 11:58

I didn't hurl any abuse though. Candy didn't say you hurled abuse. She said you lost your rag (which you did - hooting him in anger), then your husband (not you) hurled abuse.

You sound as if you dealt very well with what must have been a difficult journey, and your husband is totally out of order.

DorisDaisyMay · 25/11/2020 11:59

I think it’s really good you have posted op - to get some outside perspective on what you already know.

Your husbands actions and reactions are not compatible with a loving, supportive and caring relationship.

Now, your first priority is to decide how are you going to move yourself into a position to be safe? Second priority, taking action to protect yourself.

Dixiechickonhols · 25/11/2020 11:59

OP please contact someone today for help eg woman’s aid. He is verbally abusive and you later say he has assaulted you physically. This is not ok.
The snake pass is a very narrow road between Glossop and Sheffield. Closes as soon as hint of snow, very limited passing pleases. Stressful to drive even without a driver in front behaving erratically.

Spotify82 · 25/11/2020 12:02

Yes I am going to be visiting someone for help. At the moment I have no where to go. He takes my car to work and leaves me at home. You're right. I have been abused for so long that I dont see it. He does these things though. He winds me up to the point of frustration. I feel as though my heart will stop. I get angry and raise my voice. I shout scream. He then starts to hit me. He always says I start it because I pushed him or scratched him or poked him. He says I like being hit because then I can cry victim. But I am frustrated with the stuff he says to me.

Yesterday I was saying I'm so confused that you got so worked up. He kept saying 'instead of saying sorry to me you're being so petty' in a really nasty arrogant way. He has been nasty for a while. He almost gas lights. I lose myself in frustration and just cry. So he hits me. Then he called me an embarrassing dog. He said I was mentally unwell and was making him suffer with him.

I don't know anymore if I am the one who causes trouble. He makes me feel worthless.

OP posts:
LoungeLizardLhama · 25/11/2020 12:02

Snake Pass is a notoriously dangerous windy road over the Pennines so drivers need to be careful there. This guy in front of you sounds like a knob though op and so does your husband. You don’t have to stay with him you know, you can get help to leave. No level of abuse is acceptable whatever your cultural background.
www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Waveysnail · 25/11/2020 12:03

No husband should touch you in a way that hurts you. Or speak to you so disrespectful

CandyLeBonBon · 25/11/2020 12:04

Your updates sound worse and worse op. Are there children involved?

Hoppinggreen · 25/11/2020 12:05

The driver, snake pass, equipment etc are irrelevant
The relevant bit is that your husband is a Nasty abusive misogynistic arsehole. Are you able to leave?