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Original poster

What to think? Affair?

386 replies

Boorosie · 23/11/2020 21:47

So, i am in a state of utter confusion. My husbands email was open on joint laptop and i noticed an order placed earlier today with Lovehoney. To be delivered to a different address about 5 miles away tomorrow. We have not had a sexual relationship for a few years so i am 100% sure i am not the intended recipient. All seems.a.bit surreal and i have never for one second beleive my husband capable of infidelity, bit i dont honestly.know wjat else to think.any thoughts other than the glaringly obvious? 😪

OP posts:
Sassysally12 · 02/02/2021 00:51

Oh love I’m so sorry but he’s definitely
Lying. If you thought somebody had read this email you would immediately say look I know you have seen this but this is what happened..

It’s so unbelievable it’s actually insulting. Also if the Man has been blackmailing him since March, after the first order your husband would have had dirt on this man? So how could he continue to blackmail him .. ‘order this or I tell the boss this..’ ‘erm tell the boss and il tell your wife about the toys you made me order?’ End of discussion.

If a friend told you this think what you would say to her. Can you imagine a colleague blackmailing you and rather than trying to get money or something, they make you order sex toys that they pay for? It makes zero sense xx

ChronicallyCurious · 02/02/2021 00:54

OP on top of everything else he is disrespecting you by not only lying to you but coming out with that utter BS. He clearly knew you were on to him hence changing his passwords, he’s had months to come up with a good lie and and BLACKMAIL is what he comes up with! Does he think you have one brain cell?

It’s 2021, people buy their own sex toys. They come in unmarked boxes and the last time I ordered from Love Honey it came up as LH Trading LTD on my bank statement, it’s very discreet. I’m sorry but he is chatting a load of tosh.

marshmallowfluffy · 02/02/2021 00:58

I'm wondering if he wanted you to see the email so left his laptop open on purpose.

It's so easy to buy a sex you undetected. Eg Buy an Amazon gift card with cash, create a new account then have it delivered to an Amazon locker.

I don't blame you for wanting to believe this but I suspect he's ordered it for a webcam model or similar and paid to see her use them. Buying gifts for webcam models is a "thing"- I remember a MN poster who's teen son bought expensive knee high boots for his interest and he got to see her in the boots as the "reward"

Hawkins001 · 02/02/2021 01:07

@Boorosie

So, i am in a state of utter confusion. My husbands email was open on joint laptop and i noticed an order placed earlier today with Lovehoney. To be delivered to a different address about 5 miles away tomorrow. We have not had a sexual relationship for a few years so i am 100% sure i am not the intended recipient. All seems.a.bit surreal and i have never for one second beleive my husband capable of infidelity, bit i dont honestly.know wjat else to think.any thoughts other than the glaringly obvious? 😪
Lets say he told you straight away after the order had been placed, how would you have discussed the situation and your responses have been , compared with how you have responded now to the situation ?
BlueThistles · 02/02/2021 01:13

way too much detail.,. I call Bullshit 😳

FuriousWithTheNHS · 02/02/2021 01:15

Well if he doesn't leave the house then he's shagging someone when he's supposed to be working. There is absolutely NOTHING plausible about that sack of shit story he's given you. You asked him the first time when this 'blackmail' started, he said October. If his story was true he had every opportunity to tell you the whole thing then.

IndecentCakes · 02/02/2021 01:23

In my experience, men tell any stupid lie rather than be caught out.

StarCourt · 02/02/2021 01:35

Op he's def lying to you. He may not be having an affair but he's def lying

Crinkletinkle · 02/02/2021 01:39

I'm sorry OP. It doesn't sound good. If you stand back and take stock of the situation,
what do you want to do next? @CrimsonCattery posted some questions in November which I've reposted -

  1. Would any of the above scenarios be forgivable?
  2. Even if forgiveable, is this a relationship you want to save?
  3. Has he been preparing to leave and if so, what has he done so far?
  4. Would you be screwed if the relationship ended today? Do you need time to get housing and finances sorted?
  5. Are there children involved and what might the impact be on them
FibroFighter81 · 02/02/2021 02:15

No one would use blackmail to get a love honey order surely!???

Talk about a "clutching at straws" excuse.

Why change passwords if innocent.

The two orders prior aren't covered by his bullshit story regarding the November order, so why on Earth didn't you mention them?!

PeanutButtaCups · 02/02/2021 02:42

Why would he change his passwords? It doesn’t make sense

PurpleFlower1983 · 02/02/2021 03:30

He is lying OP. My best guess for the house of the older person would be they had gone into a home and a younger relative was using it for a hookup place while it was ok the market. They’ve now moved to the holiday park or maybe it’s someone else. He is very clearly lying, sorry!

londonscalling · 02/02/2021 03:44

Hang on. Just think about this and flip it around ....

You're going about your work and realise a colleague has made some errors.

So you go and talk to them about it and say "hey you can put it right by getting me some sex toys. If not I will tell on you".

Seriously? Does your husband realise how ridiculous this sounds?

MsDogLady · 02/02/2021 04:20

OP, your H’s blackmail story is pure fiction. He is taking you for a fool by spouting such absurd guff. The idea that an office power play resulted in his going all over delivering sex toys is ludicrous.

His changing his passwords after your initial post, claiming it all started in October, lying about March, and failing to make eye contact all speak volumes.

The sex toys are connected to him.

He could easily be conducting an affair at work by flirting there, leaving early/during lunch/time off, and messaging. As others have surmised, he could be webcamming. Recently a poster’s H complimented a woman on an amateur porn/chat site and that led to an online affair.

Find your anger, OP. Are lying and manipulation dealbreakers for you?

Salty2020 · 02/02/2021 05:56

@ekidmxcl

Blackmail is a crime so I suggest you go to the police if you believe his shit.
Yessss. OP call his bluff. Tell him you called 101 for advice as you’re worried about his job. Watch his reaction. Lying prick is taking you for a ride.
Happycow · 02/02/2021 06:26

OP you know he is lying to you. But you don't want to admit it even to yourself because of the implications for your marriage. Once you both say out loud that he is lying, it's over. And that is so so hard to admit. But equally even if all this gets brushed under the carpet, you will never quite trust him again. Is he really at work? Will this happen again? Why is he so secretive with his phone? Etc etc for the rest of your life. And then in a few years it will happen again. And you'll think "but we have even more years behind us as a couple.... should something like a quick shag really be the end of x years?" . Then your self esteem takes another hammering. And your on the lookout again for clues. Wondering. Ad infinitum.

I speak from experience.

Happycow · 02/02/2021 06:27

@salty2020 THIS!

Happycow · 02/02/2021 06:33

Also OP he knows that you know he's lying. He is just hoping (actually betting everything) that you wont call his bluff. And his pity party is his way of getting you on side.

Russell19 · 02/02/2021 06:43

He's lying.

The only other explanation (doesn't explain the March orders though) is that he wanted you to see the order to get something secure back into your relationship.

I agree with others who have said you need to worry more about your sellers marriage than the love honey orders.

Marley20 · 02/02/2021 06:50

It's just before valentines day and I've just had a quick look on the site (not seen it before) and it doesn't look good. I honestly can't think of another explanation. You wouldn't get something for your own pleasure sent to a friends house, who would do that. Am sure products come in plain boxes these days, you'd just get it sent home and make sure you picked it up. You need to try find out who lives there. Could he have bought a joke present for a friend? Unlikely but not impossible I suppose if he's that kind of person.

Marley20 · 02/02/2021 06:52

Ignore me, just realised this is an older thread that seems to have moved on a lot from your original post xx

Fabiofatshaft · 02/02/2021 06:55

When did you last both have sex, together !?

Woman are shit hit on dates.

Why did your sex life stop !? Did one decide to withdraw, was it a mutual decision. Was it a sudden decision or did things just lost in the humdrum of life......

Is he happy to be celibate? Are you happy for him to be celibate ? Are you comfortable being celibate ?

Does he ever try to initiate ?

Do you ?

Fabiofatshaft · 02/02/2021 06:58

Hit = hot

JustPootlingAlong · 02/02/2021 07:06

Sorry OP but after doing a quick read through your posts, I call bullshit on what our husband is saying.
If someone is blackmailing him, why on earth would they be getting him to order stuff from lovehoney? The packaging is always a plain brown box so it's not like anyone is going to know where it is from. So either the 'blackmailer' is having an affair which is then just giving your husband 'ammo' against them which seems ludicrous or your husband is talking out of his arse and is indeed having an affair.

Just remember, he knows you have known for 4 months so he has had plenty of time to concoct a story up...

JorisBonson · 02/02/2021 07:06

Fucking hell, this man has a bigger imagination than Walt Disney.