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Original poster

What to think? Affair?

386 replies

Boorosie · 23/11/2020 21:47

So, i am in a state of utter confusion. My husbands email was open on joint laptop and i noticed an order placed earlier today with Lovehoney. To be delivered to a different address about 5 miles away tomorrow. We have not had a sexual relationship for a few years so i am 100% sure i am not the intended recipient. All seems.a.bit surreal and i have never for one second beleive my husband capable of infidelity, bit i dont honestly.know wjat else to think.any thoughts other than the glaringly obvious? 😪

OP posts:
Lauren551 · 01/02/2021 22:24

Op I would put money on it that he’s sending toys to sex workers to use on webcam , if you are 100% sure there is no way he’s physically cheating then I think this is your answer
That story he told you is absolute bull shit honestly

MMmomDD · 01/02/2021 22:26

@Boorosie

OP - why did you never answer any of our questions about what is happening with your and H’s sex life?
You said that you understand he may want sex with someone else, and so would you.
Yet you refuse to engage on that at all.

Unless you are both happy in a sexless marriage - sex toys orders are the least of your problem.
What are you and H going to do about that?

Littlepaws18 · 01/02/2021 22:26

The evidence and what he is saying does not add up. If someone blackmailed him.. why??? It's so easy to get sex toys ordered to homes discreetly and if he was the person who blackmailed him had an issue, surely he would get your husband to order it to your house then give it to the blackmailer. The reason they were ordered to another home was to hide it from your home! Nothing to do with a second party.

Point 2- what did he do so bad at work that he could be blackmailed? He hasn't told you that.

Point 3- the March orders, unless someone managed to hack his accounts there is no other explanation. It was him.

Everything no matter how convincing he has told you is utter crap.

So why did he order these items? Is he ashamed of these items? Is he having an affair?

Not having sex for most can destroy a marriage. Was it amicable? I would certainly find 5 years without so incredibly hard. He might if developed a fetish.

You haven't got the truth from him. For me whatever the truth is he's lied far too many times for me to trust him

IronNeonClasp · 01/02/2021 22:26

They will go to any length to conceal the truth. Plenty of women have found out the hard way - you aren't the first. You don't know who he is. The blackmail thing is bullshit.

Thanks
TinaTurnoff · 01/02/2021 22:29

Don’t tell him anything more. Don’t ask any more questions. Silence is very powerful. Change all your own passwords. The trust is gone, you might as well begin to contemplate a new life. Sorry but ... what everyone else said. Flowers

agonyauntie2020 · 01/02/2021 22:32

Sorry OP +1 here for he's not telling the truth.

Nomoreporridge · 01/02/2021 22:35

He is lying.

Your reaction is normal - you can’t quite believe someone you think you know is capable of lying to your face.

But I nearly spat my tea out when I heard his reason. It’s laughable. You wouldn’t believe it if you read it in a thread.

DuckPancake · 01/02/2021 22:39

Agree with the sending to webcam models theory. Or similar online fantasy.

rattlemehearties · 01/02/2021 22:43

If not cam girls then probably sexting, sending her toys and gifts for the thrill. He doesn't have to physically be meeting her often for it to be a sexual affair.

Whatamesssss · 01/02/2021 22:46

How can you possibly believe his story, and it is a story.

No one would ask/blackmail anyone into buying them sex toys. It is utterly bizarre. Even if they didn't want them going to their home address, they could do what your husband did and get them delivered to the post office for collection.

Either affair or cam girls.

Don't let him make a fool of you.

FraggleShingleBellRock · 01/02/2021 22:52

Ah for whatever reason, the black market is SO ashamed / would get into trouble about the sex toys that he blackmailed your OH into buying them - and therefore giving you OH private sexual information about his likes/dislikes and giving you OH. perfect chance to turn the tables.....

......and you actually believe this tripe?

Sweet Lord above. The man is either cheating on you or getting sexual items delivered to people, or to the post office where he is then sending them on or delivering them IN PERSON. He is very likely using paid for webcam services too.

One thing he is NOT is being black mailed. He has lied and lied and lied. He is telling you he is a liar. Listen to him!!

Wiredforsound · 01/02/2021 22:55

I’m calling bullshit. How on earth can you believe what bilge? It’s about as plausible as showing up at A&E with a banana hanging out of your bum and telling the doctor that you were doing the hoovering in the nude and accidentally tripped and fell into the fruit bowl..

Onesipmore · 01/02/2021 22:55

Sorry, he's pulling the wool over your eyes. So the mistake your dh made will be revealed if he doesn't purchase his blackmailer sex toys? This is ridiculous ! Come on, you must know its ridiculous?

LizFlowers · 01/02/2021 22:56

Ask him!

PuffItsGone · 01/02/2021 22:56

None of this makes any sense. He is lying to you, 100%

LizFlowers · 01/02/2021 22:59

@LizFlowers

Ask him!
Sorry, I see you have spoken to him. I never dreamed this thread had run to seven pages (so far), that was quick!

Strange explanation from him but - you know him, we don't.

Sendhelpplease · 01/02/2021 23:00

Do you think he’d tell the truth if you asked him?

bellver888 · 01/02/2021 23:04

he’s talking out his arse, only reason he’ll be looking mopey is cos he’s been caught out

Sendhelpplease · 01/02/2021 23:04

Sorry I just seen this post was longer that what I had read when I sent the last post!

TheMamaYo · 01/02/2021 23:07

That’s not even a good lie. 🤷‍♀️ You’re very gullible, OP?

Viviennemary · 01/02/2021 23:08

Do you think he left the laptop open on purpose for you to find. It's also strange that you think there is no problem with a sexless marriage.

Dita73 · 01/02/2021 23:09

Is this for real?! Why would anyone buy this crap?! He’s an arse! Kick him out!

Mmn654123 · 01/02/2021 23:09

Can’t blame you for wanting to believe there is a rational explanation that doesn’t involve him having an affair Op. He’s meant to be the person you can rely on. No matter what.

But he’s lying.

Mrsmummy90 · 01/02/2021 23:09

In what world does someone blackmail a work colleague into buying sex toys for them?
It feels about as truthful as "no mum, I haven't smoked. My friend blew her ciggy smoke into my mouth!!"

He is 100% lying and has had plenty of time to come up with the most ridiculous story.

Jenasaurus · 01/02/2021 23:10

He realised you knew, changed his passwords and had 4 months to concoct a story. If you are happy with him have an external outlet for his sexual desires then maybe your marriage can still work. It may not be an emotional affair, as other PP have said it could be sex workers.

It could be that he has confided in someone at work about having a sexless marriage, maybe that person has a similar situation so they are using each other for their physical needs. You say the only place he goes is work, so if the person he is seeing is also at work they could book a days leave here and there and meet up in the holiday chalet for sex. The house you say is for sale, looks like an elderly persons home, could it belong to the parents of the person he is seeing and they are selling it as it goes through probate, which could take a while to sell, or it could be an older woman who is feeling frustrated and he is too, so they have got together.

I am sorry but its so blindingly obvious that it isnt blackmail, unless its an older woman in the office who is blackmailing him for sex, and will get him sacked if he doesnt sleep with her, buy her toys. None of this makes sense but I know deep down you know that too.

Just work out if you are happy to accept him having a sexual release on the side and if you do decide to have an intimate relationship with him again make sure you get him to have an STD test.