Online dating in your 50's - mark 2

[Fiftyandmore]

Here we still are :)

Any updates from anyone? Nothing much to report, might meet Mr rugby player next weekend.

Hi techway sounds like it's going well with the rugby player.

I told Mr Festival it wasn't going to go anywhere. Was put off by our video chat. Chatting to someone local on Bumble. Not my type but not hideous and decent chat so who knows. Went for a fabulous morning walk with a friend today, which reminded me how wonderful friends are and how I'd like a walk with a date to be as effortlessly entertaining. Probably too much to ask...

Nothing to report here. I'm contemplating a break for the rest of the month.

@Techway your rugby playing man sounds promising.

@WeWantTheFinestWines what was it about the video chat that put you off Mr Festival?

Not much here. Still walking, chatting and snogging the one from Fab up to 3 times a week. Ive been invited to his next week. For sex. Suits me. It actually is quite effortless and I am finding Im not having to make an effort to be happy, amusing, high energy as its about the sex at the end of the day. Even though there has been no sex to date which makes me chuckle.

@Techway your Rugby player sounds nice.

@WeWantTheFinestWines
Is your friend a man? I have a really lovely male friend and often when we're together it feels like we're a couple because it's easy and we have a connection.
Your Bumble man sounds promising though.

I'm another one who loves a nice accent ....

I'm feeling fed up. I've been talking to a nice man. Lots of messages, several phone calls where the conversation flowed. Date arranged & then he cancelled the night before.

He wants to continue texting & phone calls & has suggested we have a video call too. Call me shallow but I really don't fancy a video call!

My advice to anyone is to meet early but now that isn't possible. I had previously said to him that we shouldn't get too invested before meeting.
I do receive messages but not usually from nice, intelligent men. We have a natural rapport.
I've held back but I like the sound of him.
I just feel I'm in limbo.

I should start swiping again, shouldn't I?

@WildestDreamsSunset Did he have a good excuse for cancelling the date?

I've been chatting to someone with nice photos and we hope to meet up when we can (we are in different tiers and cities). We've exchanged numbers and the texts are normal, no sexy chat.

wildestdreams sorry that sounds like a complete headfuck. I do think a video call is crucial, probably because mine with Mr Festival was the clincher and stopped me contemplating travelling for an hour to meet someone who lives two hours away. Maybe make sure you're clear about reason for cancelling before writing him off - and why does he want to keep texting? What's anybody gonna get out of that?

grey sounds fabulous, yay you!

fifty I always worried I wouldn't find Mr Festival attractive enough to maybe fancy him but liked his voice and our chats. Then we videoed and he was less eloquent (had had a drink for courage), more loud and his mouth and teeth were so similar to Wallace/Gromit (whichever one is the man) that I began to find him a bit revolting and realised it was a complete no-goer.

I started chatting yesterday to someone very local, who may be able to meet for a quick lunchtime walk - it's dark when I finish work - next week. But I am pretty much aiming to wind it all down for Christmas.

My friend is female, btw. I know women are better at chit-chat than men but the general feeling of being completely relaxed is one I'd like to replicate with a man.

@WeWantTheFinestWines, It is so disappointing but I think the video call was a result for you. At least you didn't expand more energy but I know how it feels to have hopes dashed. I felt like that after my meet with Mr bad teeth.

@WildestDreamsSunset, I suspect he is hiding something, I would say no to further texting as it's actually a step back since you both agreed to meet, it's not shallow at all.

@Greyandrare123, go you!! I really hope you have great chemistry.

@hotchocolatey, how far away is he?

@Fiftyandmore, sometimes the break is really helpful, it has worked for me in the past. Think of it as a pause to refresh the pool.

I got a message from a 30something that had me tempted..however I ruled him out but why do us women do that whereas men would have no hesitation in thinking they are eligible for someone 20 years younger. For me it's about stage in life and that I have young adults so it doesn't feel right. His message was great though, put a smile on my face for certain!

Mr rugby player...we haven't had any further messages and he said we would message in the week to think of a place to meet. Logically I'm fine with that but I am now thinking he should have followed up with a message after our chat. I'm realise I am not invested so that's a good thing.

@Techway It's a 20 minute train journey to his city

I got a message from a 30something that had me tempted..however I ruled him out but why do us women do that whereas men would have no hesitation in thinking they are eligible for someone 20 years younger. For me it's about stage in life and that I have young adults so it doesn't feel right. His message was great though, put a smile on my face for certain!

Why not just have a conversation? 30 is a good age.

Fiftyandmore, is a break really necessary if nothing is happening for you? Perhaps just check in daily to see if you have any messages as I do. What haooened to the lovely date you had with someone in London, where has he gone?

Greyandrare123, that sounds promising...some sex!

Wildestdreamsunset, your man sounds like he only wants someone to chat to and is not prepared to make the effort to meet in real life. There are lots of those about and if I was you I would move on.

Yesterday I went to buy the Christmas tree alone, the same as I have been doing the last ten years. It always drives home the fact that yet another year has gone by and I still do not have someone to share this with. Luckily I went early and was the only customer, it always seems sadder when I am surrounded by families and couples choosing their tree. Realistically when I look back I have to remind myself when I was married I still think I went alone.

@crimsonlake I don't bother with Christmas decorations as I live on my own. I sound like Miss Grinch lol

Good to hear the updates.

@Greyandrare123 - sex, what's that?! Enjoy!

@WildestDreamsSunset I'm sorry that happened, it's so frustrating. I'm with you on the video calls too.

@Hotchocolatey that's good news, hope it goes somewhere for you.

@Techway did the video call go well with the rugby player? Maybe he's one of those who, now that you've set a date, doesn't feel the need to message.

@crimsonlake I know what you mean about Christmas tree shopping rubbing it in. I went to get ours yesterday too, and the place was thronged with couples and families. I felt embarrassed almost! The reason I'm contemplating a break is that I'm fretting that people will see my profile and think "god, is she still on here?". Like @Techway says, maybe a break will stir things up.

I do get messages most days but mostly they're from people I'm not interested in. Yesterday I got one from a 75 yr old who is in Spain until March and hopes I'll wait for him! The relatively few I'm interested in - the conversations seem to fizzle out pretty quickly for some reason. I'm starting to think there's something hugely amiss with my communication skills! Ironic if that's the case as I'm responsible for training up new volunteers on written communication for the charity I'm involved with!

There was one man I liked and who (seemed to) like me back but we both agreed it was a no go as he lives way up north :(. I too have a very good male friend and when we meet we talk up a storm. We get on so well, and I'd love to replicate that with someone.

Anyway - happy Sunday everyone :)

@hotchocolatey
He cancelled due to work and anxiety about the virus. He says maybe things will be different in a few weeks. I don't know if he's stringing me along. Not sure if he's just a 'likes to chat ' man. Good luck with yours it's refreshing to find someone nice with normal messaging.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I can't do video calls with someone I haven't met -I need to meet someone in real life to see how I feel.
I can I see why you did though because of the distance.

I'm not going to write him off just yet (because he's the nicest man I've chatted to for ages) but I am going to start chatting to other people.
If a date doesn't happen soon I'll just let him go.

@Fiftyandmore it's such a tricky time to be dating. Sometimes you just need a break.

@crimsonlake i know exactly how you feel. I have only been online dating for two years but I've been single for eight years . It's true what you say about certain key moments which make you think about still being alone. For me Bonfire night is one. Watching fireworks and being surrounded by happy couples brings it home to me.

Thank you. It could be one of those things where we lose contact before we can meet. Anyway, it's refreshing to get nice messages.

Hope you are all having a good Sunday. I feel exhausted after a busy week so Netflix and a coffee for me.

Fifyandmore, I understand where you are coming from as I describe myself like stale bread left sitting on a shelf on old. I think exactly that when I see the same faces, you wonder.....what is so wrong with them that nobody wants them? But it is the same for us and in reality perhaps they are fussy and the right person never came along. Remember new people join all the time and wont have seen you before.
I only seem to get messages from people I am not remotely interested or attracted to. They say like attracts like, well I certainly hope not!
Hotchocolatey, I have my two son's coming home for Christmas so I still make a big effort. The real tree is in a bucket of water in the garden and wont be decorated until my son's get home, not exactly sure when that will be as one works in Spain.
When they were home I used to love the traditions and run up to Christmas, it makes me really nostalgic to do it on my own. I should be used to it by now.

@lunalulu I rule out women more than 5 years younger than me. I don’t want a medal - it just doesn’t make sense to chase young women that might want a family and have their peak careers ahead of them while I begin my descent into senility.

@crimsonlake I can assure you as a now long term online dater, it’s about not finding the right person, rather than being a bit faulty. (I’m not perfect by any means but don’t expect anyone else will be either.)

@WeWantTheFinestWines My friend Miss T gave great hiking chat but has reneged on plans recently. It seems I am an entertaining foil to get her through a dull work week, and no more than that.

Busy week on Match for me, I was moved to send two messages, but no replies.

Do you have to pay for match? I’m on the free version but can’t see how it works?

@BlueDaysTillChristmas Yes, you have to pay to see likes and message others. Think of the free version as a try before you buy thing where you may see whether there are any profiles you like the look of. You can get a 50% discount if you suspend the free account- a discounted link will come through after that. I paid £30 for six months via that link.

Oof that’s a lot.

What sites are considered the best?

I’m on pof and talking to one man. And match which I’m obviously not paying for so can’t use it really. I wanted to go on bumble but it wouldn’t let me without a photo.

£30 for 6 months is pretty cheap if you take any of the paid sites for comparison ... I think OkCupid is £120 for 6 months, Bumble £67 for 3 months, Tinder Gold around £25 per month.

You can get by on Bumble and Tinder by not paying, people who swipe positively on you will appear high up in your queue, and because blokes are swipe happy generally you’ll get matched and chat easily.

Fgs. Just got a message from someone who needs to be babied.

@Fiftyandmore what did he say??

Just that @WildestDreamsSunset. I didn't fancy asking for more detail so I blocked. Makes me feel slightly queasy!