Online dating in your 50's - mark 2

[Fiftyandmore]

Here we still are :)

blue you can block people on WhatsApp so I can't see a downside unless googling your phone number will provide information - you may want to try that first.

I thought the hidden pictures was to do with paying or not - if he is genuinely trying to hide something, beware. Most likely scenario is that he's an ogre but deception is also an option. No, you can never know whether anonymous people online are lying or not. So he needs to not be anonymous - can he not unhide the photos if he is enjoying your chat and wants to keep it going? And once you have photos you can do a reverse image search - with a name and location you may be able to find a Facebook profile... of happy families?

A decent man will understand your concerns - so make sure to be open about your concerns. A man who keeps hiding has something to hide. Don't get sucked in. Good luck.

@BlueDaysTillChristmas Well, yeah anyone could be anything hiding behind an anonymous silhouette. His story may well be true, but I wouldn’t attribute your own motives to him ! His story has that element of plausible deniability about it though. Couple of things: when things were finished with my ex- we cohabited for 3 months. During that time I didn’t even remotely consider any online dating or chatting. I was still coming to terms with the end of a 15 year relationship and the repercussions on our child, and separating the whole goddamn mess,. I was not anywhere near writing frivolous, interesting messages to anonymous online women. We’re all different, I know and relationships end in different ways. Secondly, I couldn’t find it within myself to go online for another 6 months after that.

I don’t want to judge people by my standards too much ... but the idea of dating 6 weeks after a ltr/marriage split and the hot mess of a person you are at that point ... Maybe you are both in that same state and you’ve found something in common around that ? I have some sympathy for that feeling of wanting to be private while wanting to meet someone.

Blue, my rule is never respond o anyone without a picture first.

Sorry just seen he is very recently separated and still living in the family home. Alarm bells ringing all over this.

Hello can I join you please? I've been following the thread but haven't posted because I thought I was in a lovely if LDR relationship with Mr Small who I met through GSM. Although distance was not ideal, we liked each other enough to continue. That was until an ex got back in touch and suddenly distance is a problem. If he'd been honest about it, it wouldn't have been so bad, but I had to work it out myself. Anyway, long story short I followed MN advice sent him a message saying I deserved better, deleted him from my contacts and blocked him on WhatsApp and FB. However, his number still shows on WhatsApp. I want it gone as we would always video chat on Wednesdays and I don't want to give into temptation to message. I miss him - we messaged lots every day and video called at least twice a week for the last 6 months. We also spent some wonderful long weekends together. Can anyone tell me how I can remove his number please? I've tried to google but no luck. Thank you. Sorry it's so long!

@Pixiesfan have you googled but added your model of phone? Sometimes the instructions are different for different phones.

@WeWantTheFinestWines the thing is, our chat is based on me not really being available because I’m still looking for this other guy, and him making wisecracks about pursuing me and wooing me. It wasn’t ever based on ‘I like you, you like me’. But he’s nice.

@HairyArsedMan well he said they have not had a proper relationship for ‘a long time’, and eat, sleep, socialise etc separately. He gave me the impression the relationship grieving had already been done. And his children are older, so no worries in that sense.

And I have been separated a very long time but haven’t got round to divorcing yet so I do know these things aren’t always as they seem. I know lots of people won’t consider anyone who isn’t divorced but I am not and am absolutely free with no ties to anyone so.....

@crimsonlake but out first interactions were me politely saying I wasn’t looking to meet anyone so the fact he had photos hidden was neither here nor there. And then he carried on writing.

@Pixiesfan, have you deleted the contact in your text contacts?

@HairyArsedMan, like you I couldn't imagine dating within weeks of separating but I felt I needed a long time to recover. I think dating could make you feel less grief as it distracts you, but I think you have to go through the stages and that takes time.

@BlueDaysTillChristmas, if you have no intention of meeting then maybe his readiness isn't an issue. I would get a photo though and know some things about him that ring true, such as job, location before WhatsApp. Whilst you can block him, you don't know him he so always be cautious.

Anyone finding the sites lively? Is this the equivalent of pubs opening??
I have had lots of messages, one completely dreadful, it could almost be a spoof profile.

@Techway I am not finding the sites lively at all. Next to no matches, but that currently does not matter as I am pursuing a potential iron who I have named Mr Ginger. I fancy his voice and his chat, but not his photos. At all. So I'm working on that.

I'm surprised at the lack of comment with Hinge likes. The whole point surely is not to just click 'like' and move on - the site is engineered around commenting. So any likes with no comment gets discarded immediately. Anyone who adds a comment gets something back, whether I'm interested or not. But there really isn't much going on. Which is ok for now.

I'm the same - not much going on. Couple of not very interesting conversations.

@WeWantTheFinestWines voices/accents can be very attractive I find. They can also have the complete opposite effect too!

Gosh, things are really lively! I had a message last night

Unfortunately it was an odd one. Made me feel like a Miss World contestant, asking if I could converse adequately on multiple subject areas.

@HairyArsedMan - that's really funny! You can, as we all know, but I think your talents would be wasted on her.

@Fiftyandmore - I was disappointed in my most recent ex's voice when we first spoke, but that didn't stop me falling head over heels eventually. So even though I am really enjoying Mr Ginger's voice it might not be enough...

Voices and accents are a MASSIVE thing for me too.

Ha, @HairyArsedMan, at least you haven't lost your sense of fun. Did she have a tick sheet?

@WeWantTheFinestWines, I met a man who had an amazing voice when we spoke however after a few drinks it disappeared completely (I think he had a few drinks before I arrived though!) so suspect he had a work or phone voice.

I am not sure if the matches or messages will amount to anything however...the bad profile was so bad and his message was "Hi Hun, wanna chat on the fone?" . This is supposedly a mature man.One has youngish children so that is a no for me. Another was a smoker so that's a No. One however has tattoos, a normal no for me but he is intelligent, history buff like me and we are chatting quite happily. His first message was lovely. I look forward to his messages but trying not to get too excited though as he's younger, 47and only a few inches taller than me and rugby player build which isn't usually my type. His photos aren't great but he has made an effort with his profile. It makes a big difference when the messaging just flows.

I have met approx 10 men, think I was like @fiftyandmore's friend as I decided to meet them if they didn't have red flags. I also spoke to 4 but decided not to meet after a phone call.

Quite a few of those meets have now come back with a message. One was the policeman, who I felt treated our date as an interrogation but he also seemed so desperate to meet someone that it was off putting. The accountant is back as we did say we might meet when lockdown over. Mr bad teeth (feel so mean saying that) wants to meet for coffee as we got on very well. He knows I consider it only a friendship however but perhaps it sends the wrong signal? He was widowed and raises his young adult son alone.

Another new one, not sure about but when I said no to chatting on WhatsApp he was respectful. I want to find out children's ages as that could be a deal breaker. Did I mention the man who seemed great, was 52 but had a 2 year old. Just not for me.

Off to see if Mr maybe lovely has messaged.

Me too. I love Australian accents. OK, I'm emigrating

@HairyArsedMan you should have answered a few questions and then said "I believe that concludes the interview"

@WeWantTheFinestWines, same with Ex , we met in work though, his voice was not great but we had a very strong attraction, despite it. It's baffling what makes that attraction, although I don't think I fall easily. Kinda wish I did as life might be more colourful.

I have a voice and an accent. Have done for bloody ages

I managed to complete OkCupid so the app invited me to set my range to ‘anywhere’. So I did, thinking anywhere in the UK, but it turned out to be anywhere in the world, which I quickly realised when the first profile popped up. Cancelled that setting but I was still getting buzzed by likes for the next half hour 😔

It did make me wonder about expanding my range substantially within the UK. I’m tied to my area by schooling, job and shared parenting but have a friend (in the north) in a similar position that met someone from London and it’s worked out in the end with her moving north (originally northern).

It was put to me as vaguely as I put it here @Hotchocolatey ... there were no specific subjects I was asked to be conversant in

@Techway your rugby player sounds lovely. When other things are in place, looks go right down the scale of importance I find.

@HairyArsedMan well we all have voices and accents but exactly how hot are yours? 😂

Unless you have a German or Brummie accent I’m sure you sound great. Actually, you’re from near Birmingham aren’t you? Hmm. strokes chin and thinks yeah, he probably does have a Brummie accent actually

No, not brummie though I do love a kipper tie.

I chatted (briefly) with someone that said unless I had an Irish accent it was a no go.

(Reads like a joke, but no punchline will ever appear)

Ah wow. That’s a bit specific. When I say I love accents, I mean loads of different ones, I’m not too fussy. Surely it would have been easier for her to just..........move to Ireland?

I do love an Irish accent...

I've had to rename Mr Ginger as there was a conflict with an iron on another thread. He shall henceforth be known as Mr Festival and his accent is just kind of intelligent without being posh. His voice is soft yet manly and makes me swoon a bit.

@WeWantTheFinestWines good luck with Mr Festival. I am having no luck at all

@Reeeallyoldbird, I have an neighbour who found her last partner online, at 70. It hasn't worked out but she's had 3 years of lovely times and great holidays. She was on Elitesingles.

@Techway Encouraging news! Thanks x