Online dating in your 50's - mark 2

[Fiftyandmore]

Here we still are :)

Thanks for this, I was immediately upfront about it, I looked at the chat again and it was literally the first sentence I wrote. And he referenced it in his next message so he definitely read that bit, it didn’t go unread.

My written confidence is absolutely fine. I can take my time, think about what to say, keep going back to his last message etc. But in person I’m not confident until I know people a bit. The thought of actually getting in my car and driving to meet someone is terrifying. So I’ll carry on and enjoy it for as long as it lasts then.

@DustyMuse I'm glad that you got to speak to your patient man in the end and that you seem to have so much in common.

@Techway I agree that there is definitely an art to communicating online to make it amusing whilst also trying to find out about each other.

@Fiftyandmore do you think it was nerves that made him talk too much? I guess if there was no spark, it doesn't really matter! Has PoF man got multiple profiles? The young guy with the tights fetish came back again after I blocked him too so I assumed he must have set up another profile.

@BlueDaysTillChristmas welcome. I think it's absolutely fine just to chat if there are happy with that too. I, personally, would be very wary of anyone without photos. Make sure he isn't a scammer. There are plenty of them in the sites.

@HairyArsedMan how frustrating to have an isolating child just as we are able to have slightly more freedom. I'm keeping everything crossed that we get through mocks over the next two weeks and into Christmas without anything similar.

I also walked yesterday. Ten miles! Met an old uni flat mate. Was lovely to be with someone I have known for years. No need to impress ... or put makeup on!

I haven't really been looking at the sites the last few days. Will see if Mr No Car contacts me for a walk next weekend. Nothing from Mr Distance is All in The Mind and one other who messaged a couple of times and hasn't responded to my latest reply. Will see how I feel next week about having a look again. Feels good to have a bit of a break from it I think, even if only for a few days.

@Daftapath thanks. But what would he be scamming me for? You mean they have some financial crisis and need to ‘borrow’ something?

Well I say he doesn’t have photos but I’ve just realised he does, but it says send him a message to see them as they are private (pof). But I didn’t see that at the time and anyway it didn’t matter as I wasn’t interested and didn’t think he would quite capture my attention like this. And it’s a bit late now. We’ve been messaging about 5 days. It’s very addictive. Attention from a man is not something I am used to. I’ve avoided all that side of life for so long and feel like a naive beginner.

And anyway what if he’s not my type? How awkward!

But the way he is messaging is definitely my type. Great spelling and grammar too

@HairyArsedMan, I hope it's all ok, last thing anyone needs is enforced isolation around Christmas. I wouldn't say 4 years OLD means it's "you". My friend from OLD has been single at least 3 years and may just have met someone. He was sure it would never happen and convinced it was him. I am delighted as it highlights how much luck is needed, being on a site at the same time.

I have just had someone come back after 6 weeks..he messaged me first and then disappeared. Re appeared yesterday continuing the conversation as if there was no time lapse, not even a good reason/excuse.

So yesterday Mr Lefty messaged me and said that he really took to me but not in a fancying kind of way and he would love to be my friend. As I hadn't decided whether I found him attractive or not, and didn't feel disappointed when he said it, I texted back and said friends it is. He then went on to say that he got the non-fancying vibe off me so I wonder whether it it was to head me off from saying it first? Whatever, I am happy to be friends. I haven't fancied anyone for years like I fancied Mr Builder (see previous posts) and to be honest at my age ( @DustyMuse I'm 65!!) I don't expect to. So OLD has done for me what I wanted it to do: restore my balance. I won't renew my subscription after it ends in January but if I meet anyone before then that will be a bonus. I have no expectations!

Yeah all is ok @Techway, though it is the kid that sits next to him in class that tested positive ! I am home schooling and have mild corona-noia.

@Daftapath well, I'm in a Tier 3 area so the end of lockdown doesn't feel that much different. My family are also Tier 3 so I won't be able to do my usual stay up there where they say 'daftapath' a lot over Christmas It's going to be a long December this year !

I was wondering how the ladies on here respond to unwanted "sexy talk". I've had messages from someone who ticks the boxes but goes on about sexy outfits. I've made it clear I am not looking for anything casual.

I suppose I should block him or ignore him but I do wonder why some men think it is acceptable to be so forward with messaging. Do they think this is what all women like to hear?

@hotchocolatey that was the first thing someone said to me "I like sexy talk and you may not be interested." My response: Right. Not interested. At least he was upfront and polite!

Saw this and thought of us all.

I don't know if it's because I'm just really busy this month but I really can't muster up any enthusiasm for this dating malarky. I swear I'm an upbeat kind of person usually.

I really enjoyed my conversation with Mr. Writer. We've exchanged a couple of messages (I think he's more into talking than messaging which is fine) and he's put the ball in my court to call him when I have a free moment. He wants us to meet. Apparently lockdown hasn't stopped him from living his life? But I'm pretty respectful of the rules and also feel rather stopped in my tracks between lockdown, work and having my children most of the time.

Also, and I say this with caution, the photo of him online gives the impression he is somewhat portly. Of course each to his own. I have nothing against a stout men at all but I don't want to have to turn him down if/when I meet him because he doesn't appeal physically.

It's a little complicated, isn't it?

@DustyMuse is that the one who’s French or Spanish or something? Don’t be put off too much by portly. The mind is a powerful thing and can turn a portly man into desire, and Johnny Depp into.......not desire 😂. I would keep messaging but keep it light until you can meet.

That's great advice BlueDaysTillChristmas!

How are you today?

@DustyMuse thanks! I’m ok. He messaged again, and it’s nice. I like it. I’m trying to imagine him as a very unattractive man though. Which he might be, I have no idea. It wasn’t my intention to get caught up in a messaging ‘thing’ but here we are.

I’m lonely, sad, a bit depressed and very vulnerable to the power that a well placed apostrophe has. 😂

I need to go to the gp, but doing it all over the phone is going to be a bit weird I think.

@DustyMuse sorry you a feeling a bit depressed. It's not a good time of the year to be single with Christmas coming up and the dark at 4pm is awful.

I've had a telephone GP appointment and it was fine. If they need to do tests etc they will call you in.

@hotchocolatey me? But ironically I love the dark at 4pm and all that malarkey. I wait all year for this darkness, the lights, soups, hot chocolate, scarves, seeing your breath on a cold day, steamed up windows, getting your winter boots out, all that stuff is totally me!

It’s definitely not that. I think it’s just the crushing loneliness that has been building for a few years and has been more intense this year. Not because of COVID, it’s my lack of a partner that is getting to me. I only realised early this year that I was lonely. I met someone lovely but was unable to do anything about it at the time, I had a thread here earlier this year in another name, and I just feel stuck now, like everyone is progressing with life but I’m just.....stuck.

@BlueDaysTillChristmas - sorry I tagged DustyMuse instead of you.

I'm the opposite - I hate the cold and dark. I can relate to that feeling of being stuck though.

Hello @BlueDaysTillChristmas, nice to have you with us :). I too think it's fine to keep chatting to someone with no intent other than to be friends - as long as you're both on the same page. I'm like you about this time of year - it's my favourite time. I hate spring time which usually earns me some strange looks!

@Daftapath are you still on a break? Have either of your men contacted you? I don't think my annoying PoF man has multiple profiles, and thankfully I seem to have shaken him off now.

@Reeeallyoldbird it's good that you feel your balance has been restored. I'm the same as you - I can't imagine finding anyone I'm
as attracted to as I was by my builder last year! It's frustrating in a way isn't it knowing that those feelings are still there but not finding anyone to ignite them?!

@Hotchocolatey I usually ignore any sex talk and/or discontinue the conversation. And I don't know why some men think it's ok to introduce that so early on when you've barely exchanged names!

@WeWantTheFinestWines I like that quote! That's how I am - if I see someone I like I can barely look at them, never mind converse coherently!

@DustyMuse your writer sounds nice - maybe just keep chatting for now and see how things pan out? I'm with you on the lack of enthusiasm, it's feeling like hard work at the minute! My rl friend has TWO potentials, both of whom seem to tick all her boxes - I'm struggling to find anyone who ticks ANY boxes!

@Fiftyandmore I have ignored Mr Sexy Outfit Messager. I wonder how these men would feel if they had adult daughters on dating sites and the daughters were getting these types of comments.

Sounds like you friend is a doing very well with the dating.

@Fiftyandmore, is your friend in a similar area and does she share the profiles? When my rl was on OLD, I was always surprised how different our tastes would be. Suffice to say, we were not in danger of fighting over the same man

I am chatting with 2 men, after deciding the fireman wasn't right for me. He made a sarcastic comment about those of us who can wfh, sitting around in PJs whilst he has to work. It just sounded very bitter as opposed to jokey so trusted my instinct.
The other 2 men are just not me but questioning myself if I am too fussy or just not bothered atm.

One man appeared and I thought he looked good, not overly attractive, just something about him...however he has just been banned so not sure my radar is that good!

Sorry, I don’t want to be all kind of ‘fascinating but back to me now’ but can I ask another question?

So I’ve been chatting to this man. I don’t know what he looks like. He’s got hidden photos on pof, but because I was only on there to look for the other man, when he started chatting it didn’t matter what he looked like. Now, I’d quite like to know. But I don’t want to ask. So what do I do? Make another profile with my picture and ask? Get a friend to ask? It looks totally weird if I ask him doesn’t it? Then what if I’m not attracted to him?

I don’t think I need to say I’ve not done internet dating before, do I? . I’ve had about 6 other people write to me and none of them wrote anywhere near as interestingly as he does.

Ask him Blue! You need to know. Just say 'I'm enjoying chatting to you but I can't see any of your photos - fancy moving on to WhatsApp and sending me a selfie 😊?' What have you got to lose?

I've just signed up to Hinge as I like the idea of having openers and not just "anything you want to know, ask". My age settings are being ignored so I'm having to wade through lots of kids (i.e. men under 40) and thinking how handsome a lot if them are 😩

Had two likes. One wrote nothing. The other one said..... ask me anything you want to know. Honestly. How about you ask me something? Show a modicum of interest in me? Nope, let's talk about you instead... So I've basically been invited to talk about him! And I'm itching to point it out to him 🤣🤣

Have you asked him why his pictures are private ? This is of greater concern. You could use that as a jumping off point and say you’d like to put a face to him. That doesn’t put you under any obligation to meet him and or is it embarrassing. If he turns out to be incredibly attractive to you, you can just say the friends thing was a means of screening out the superficial.

@WeWantTheFinestWines if we move to WhatsApp are there any disadvantages other than he has my number?

@HairyArsedMan Aha (said in a non Alan Partridge manner) straight to the point. Well he only separated 6 weeks ago and is still living with his family. I know, I know. But he could have said he was divorced 7 years ago and had his children every fortnight and I still wouldn’t be able to say if it was the truth or not, would I? He could literally say anything. I could be happily married for all he knows. So I’m guessing he’s just feeling his way without having to commit to being public, like I am really. He does have pictures, it just says they’re private, and to ask to see them. I’ve seen other people on pof with that too.